Feeling Cornered

[Casey_03]

Sorry for posting twice today. I seem to be especially needy today and this forum is really my only outlet.

I feel like everyone in my life is against me; and I very much feel backed into a corner. I am sitting here shaking and feeling physically ill because of this. Long story short is that it's becoming clearer every day that my ex is going to seek sole custody of my two-month old. I don't think he'd ever be granted sole custody, but I do think he is determined to break me in whatever way he can, and taking me to court to drain me of energy and the little financial resources I have, all the while I am raising the baby alone, with no help, seems like a good way to destroy me. He doesn't care how it will affect the baby. When I was pregnant and refused to have an abortion, he promised to "make my life hell" to make me regret keeping the baby. He is keeping that promise.

The really, terribly unfair thing, is that while he lives a carefree life and goes out to the bar each night with friends, then goes home and gets a good night's rest .... I am juggling two jobs, suffering from severe sleep deprivation and literally killing myself to take care of my baby each day and give him everything he needs. So, of course, while the ex has the time and energy to plot against me and compose emails for his court case, I am barely running on fumes and am not even in the right mindset to respond appropriately. I no longer know which way is up and which is down. I feel like a zombie. I want to cry but I can't. It takes everything I have to smile and laugh with the baby to make him happy. But then there is also the realization that, even though I have created this magnificent little being (and fought like hell to keep him), I am being punished for it. Literally. It's like the universe didn't want me to become a mother and wants to destroy me.

I really need a break. First it was the ex scaring me with his sole custody threats and playing games, now my roommate moving out and making me feel like shit. There's literally no one left to gang up on me now. I have no one here to tell me I'm doing an okay job and that I need to keep going. I can tell myself, but it's not as effective. (I remember when I was at the doctor's with my baby recently, and a nurse came up and told me she thought I was an amazingly devoted mother -- that meant the world to me. It gave me so much strength. And it only took her five seconds to utter it.)

I don't really know what I am trying to say. It just feels like a great big, dark cloud has settled over me and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Silver.]

:hug:
sending you strength and self compassion

 

[City Slicker]

@Casey_03 you are so right about what happens when people get into that nasty and vindictive mind set backed by having all the time in the world to plot and scheme and threaten. When you are just struggling to keep things moving and keep you and your baby well and healthy there isn't the time to engage in that crap that he's doing.

No wonder you are tired, frustrated and feeling physically ill.

 

[Casey_03]

Thank you guys. I just don't understand there is so much rage directed at me for having a child. A child he claims to adore, by the way. Why does he feel the need to destroy me for having this baby? I never did anything bad to him during our relationship. All I did was have this baby. And he wants me dead for it.

 

[Silver.]

I can't tell you what he is thinking, but I can share with you a bit of what I go through with my daughters father (as my s/o is not her father but is what she calls her "step daddy")
My ex husband takes his daughter on his visitations to spite me. He has no interest in spending time with her. He only wants to make sure that he is using the time that the court allotted him. She is not old enough to have her say in court about the visitation schedule with him, (unless a lawyer somehow lands in my lap and helps me out). She is secondary in his life as he does not put her needs first.
He wasn't this way when we were married, he was a good father. But apparently, the need to make me suffer is greater than the need to raise a healthy daughter to him, and I just have to hope something will work out.
I am not saying this is how your son's father is, just that this is what I am dealing with, and have read that a lot of people go through the same. I do wish you strength in coping with all this, it is a tough road to walk *hugs*

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My daughter went through something similar in her divorce with her ex. She had gotten a restraining order and got new locks on the house and he put her through a year of sheer hell. I was a fresh widow living off of my savings and she found an excellent lawyer which I paid for.

I so wish you had better support in your real life to encourage you and fill you with fresh hope to keep you going and fighting as it appears your ex seems to be trying to break you down to destroy you in vindictiveness and revenge in my opinion.

I think for all that you are currently dealing with is amazing. I realize that you probably feel crushed by all that is happening in your life now.

All I can suggest is get legal aid if you cannot afford an attorney. Do research and document everything, emails phone calls etc.

Keep a record of everything. If you have ever called the police on him get copies of the police report do what you can to grind him down by sheer persistance because you have a baby that depends on you now. It is just not about you anymore now.:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Freedomfighter]

Sorry for posting twice today. I seem to be especially needy today and this forum is really my only ou...

If you are with a so called partner that does not take care of your child, goes out partying with friends every night, then you do not have a partner.

Sorry, but putting his behind out to pasture would be the only advice that I would give.

 

[Casey_03]

@Freedomfighter I think you misunderstood my post entirely -- he is an ex. I described him as an ex in the thread. He's already been put out to pasture. What I am describing here is him coming after me in court and trying to get custody.

 

[hodge]

Casey, what would happen if you moved back sooner? Like before any court date? Would there be any legal ramifications for you? Would you have to go back in case of court action or would you have asylum here?

 

[Casey_03]

@hodge No, no legal ramifications -- there is no court date yet. But it will actually be easier for him to get to me once I'm there. That's the one downside of moving back. Ukraine's court system makes it all much harder for him, but once I'm in the U.S., it will be pretty straightforward and he won't have to jump through as many hoops.

 

[hodge]

Darn. :hug:s

 

[mamachick]

From what you have said, taking care of a baby would certainly interfere with is daily life. However, I know that what you are also saying is that it is a punishment for you. I am sorry that you are going through all of this.

What the nurse said to you seemed to have a positive effect on you, and you should be hearing that everyday...many times...for what you are doing.
What would you say to your friend who is walking in your shoes? Can you say those things to yourself...and believe them.
I was in a similar place 35 yrs ago and remember how hard single parenting is, especially when you are the sole financial supporter. That means you have to take extra good care of yourself!