I Feel Disconnected From Everyone

[DarkQuartile]

I feel like people just don't get what I try to talk about and they don't get me or why I do what I do. And like even a couple people I've tried to explain that my parents were abusive and my mother straight up tried to kill me and they just don't get it and still pretend like I should have a normal relationship with them. One girl I just told her because I was so stressed we aren't even that close but she just didn't f*cking believe me like this isn't something that actually happens.

It's like I'm too damaged for this world and I've seen how f*cked society is so I just cannot connect with these people who to me have had perfect f*cking lives. But I also can't find people who can relate.

 

[ladee]

You have found people who can relate !!! You took a step with courage and connected with us... We understand. And no, most 'other' people don't understand or relate.... in order to 'understand', people have had to experience what we have... So , hoping you utilize the forum for connection, understanding and support.... No one out there, gets me either... which is fine.... the people here do... so I am blessed...
Hope to see you around and participating with people who do get you, who do understand, and who will help you to get along in a world.
The forum is full of healing. That's why I am here. So, welcome.... we 'get you' here.... gentle hugs if you accept them.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I relate, totally!

I grew up in a cult forced to do completely f*cked up things that most would only see in a horror movie; my family thinks im making it up and am a "crazy liar" (so wish I was), "friends" ive made either just want to use my generosity, my lack of knowing how to set boundries, and use me as a doormat or just cant deal with my issues and guys def cant deal with my issues and my longest relationship, f*ck, my only one that can count as a relationship, only lasted a bit over a year because we did coke and crack together.

Even most online people cant "get me' and the only one that seems to is my therapist but though thats awesome and its awesome to have such a great therapist, I wish i wasnt so terrified of people and didnt have all these issues and maybe i could make a friend or even find a boyfriend...

I totally get it! :hug:s from someone that gets it! Welcome to the fourm!

 

[Stickler]

...I call it the life-size hamster ball? You know, one of those balls that you put hamsters in so they can run around your house?

I feel like I have one of those...a sort of invisible one...between me and everyone else. Horrible stuff happened to me. I have been rendered freakish by what happened...this revolting stuff that grew into me, warped me, and became a part of me.
Not my fault...but I am so alien to others...and very broken in ways they don't see any reason for and tend to just sneer at. ( get OVER it! )

Is the once-lovely cypress swamp about ten miles from my house to blame for becoming a toxic waste dump?
Nope.
Do you want to walk on that land? It smells wrong. At least the vegetation's not burnt-looking anymore, but you do not want to be near even the cleaned-up version. You don't want the chemicals to be able to seep into you. You stay away.

It's not my fault what happened, but I'm still warped, twisted, contaminated, damaged.

I had sex with more guys before I was 8 than a lot of women have as voluntary sex partners. I'm gross.

 

[ladee]

@Stickler, I have not walked in your shoes. And I never quite know what I want to say to you. I don't want it to be platitudes that just ring hollow. I have only been here a short while... and what I see in chat, how you are so ready and willing to help others. You are present for them and you listen.
So as much as the lies in your head tell you one thing, I have never seen or felt you as gross....I learn from you. You are one of my 'teachers' on this forum. Learning from those that have been here for a long while...
I cant make you believe , but I can let you know I am standing beside you. I am sorry your journey is so damned hard... sending you healing energy and light to see the way out.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's a lesson we all have to learn the hard way. I think we have all been doubted and misunderstood by at least one person along the way. It teaches us to be selective in whom we trust with our private experiences. The good news is that here you'll find people who do "get it". :)

 

[Sandstone]

@DarkQuartile It is a fault of the people who hear you and don't understand, not of you. Even the golden few who have known no suffering at all should be capable of understanding and empathy, if they bother. Sadly, many don't bother.

I think this is why we learn to be selective about who we tell, and how much.

 

[Hatshepsut]

I feel the same way. It's one of the worse things about PTSD...that feeling of societal isolation and that no one cares. I'm feeling the same way right now. I don't know why I bother talking to people at all...they never understand or care anyway...talking is pointless. Sorry I'm kinda a downer right now so I don't think I could be much help besides just letting you know that I feel where you're coming from and it sucks. Wish I had someone like you who lived nearby so we could be friends...it'd be nice to have friends with ptsd who get it and live nearby.

 

[NatBird]

I hope through being on the forum that you've been able to experience that there are people who can relate, not only relate but have an innerstanding of the experience.
I certainly can relate. I joined the forum recently. The weeks leading up to that I was in a similar space - 'there's no one who gives a f**k, no one who really get's it, I'm outside of humanity, unreachable'. I know the connection is not in person but I hope that you find enough relating, innerstanding and support here to help shift that feeling. If welcome, here's a hug.