What Is A Corrective Emotional Experience?

[Leigh925]

Interestingly enough this popped up in my Facebook newsfeed this morning… Thought you might like it!

http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=9

 

[Leigh925]

New So basically it is doing the opposite of what was ingrained in your brain early on?

That is part of it. The therapist plays a role as well.

I will give you an example. In my family children are silent and never allowed to have opinions. Adults were always right and never made mistakes.

The first time something came up between me and my therapist and I actually had the courage to talk to him about it....he said..."you are right. I screwed that up. I am really sorry about that. "

To be honest. I didn't know how to take that. I had never heard anyone be fair or validate my feelings before. I thought about it for days. I even called my brother and said...."you are not gonna believe what this guy said to me". He said he was wrong and not only that he said I was right.

I had never been right before in the eyes of someone that was an adult figure in my life or I was connected to.

I learned that I can be right and that my feelings can be valid and that I am not always wrong just because I am not the "grown up" in charge.

I by no means have this perfected. I just had a rough day yesterday. But I have been able to go back and challenge a lot of the thoughts that I believed because of what I had been told by my parents...what I had been told by my abusers...and what I told myself based on what I perceived about me because of the abuse.

 

[Silent one]

Wow! Thank you! I had trouble understanding this. My therapist said to me" consider our relationship a corrective emotional experience."
We were talking about abandonment issues I have from child trauma. My biggest fear in therapy is that my therapist will abruptly leave me once I open up and share my story. I asked Her outright yesterday if she was going to leave me. That's when she referred to corrective emotional experience.
Have you ever left therapy not knowing what was talked about between you and your therapist? I have and then a couple of hours later I remember some of what we spoke about. Sorry I am going on and on.
Like you, life growing up was the same for me. Children were seen but not heard. We were not allowed to voice our opinions. Adults were never wrong!!
I am very thankful to you for helping me understand this theory.

 

[Leigh925]

@Silent one I have left many times not remembering what we have talked about. In the beginning I would dissociate a lot. I still do. I often would tell my therapist...."I can't remember what you about th things we talked out last session". Sometimes he would email me a little reminder since I would forget.

Sometimes I felt like it was a dream and I will start to remember but I am not sure if it was a real session or something I dreamed about.

I have had many times where I wasn't sure how I made it home or I actually got lost going home.

I don't know that I am forgetting less. I just think it is less disturbing for me because I understand it more.

I also can't tell you how many sleepless nights I have had worrying if my therapist was going to abandon me. I didn't want to get attached to him in the first place because I was sure he would leave. Everyone else in my life always had.

When he discussed his approach to attachment therapy I was like no way!

We didn't get much work done in the beginning because I stayed resistant and numb so he couldn't hurt me.

He would say one day you are going to get mad at me and when you do...this is how we will handle it. I actually laughed out loud at him because I thought I would never feel enough to get mad. I wasn't allowed to have feelings growing up so I used to be quite masterful at numbing and stuffing those feelings.

Then something happened and we had a misunderstanding. I was ready to never go back but he insisted I come until we at least worked it out. It was a very healing experience for me. I never had a grown up admit they were wrong and try to make it right with me before.

Then I went through a phase of being super attached. Once I let myself care about him I was petrified I would screw it up or he would be bored with me or get tired of me. He was patient with me and actually had told me that would happen early on. I didn't believe it when he first brought it up because at that point I hadn't let myself care about him. I was like yeah right...that will never happen. I couldn't care less. But he was right.

Now I do pretty well unless I have to travel or he has to be gone or like yesterday he cancelled an appointment last minute and I went to freak out mode. I automatically went to...he's getting tired of me. Then I was upset with myself for being upset! Geez!

I'm definitely a work in progress but I am so much better than when I started. I never realized I was missing out on so much joy because I refused to feel the pain. You can't choose what you numb. It all goes and takes the joy with it. So I am trying to let myself feel the emotions so I can really enjoy the happy ones too!

 

[Silent one]

@Silent one I have left many times not remembering what we have talked about. In th...

I am stunned! Your post is very near to what I am feeling! I could have written this! Everything and I mean everything you have said describes my feelings, thoughts, perceptions and such. Right down to the fear of being left and abandoned. No one was ever there for me. And so I held everything in, every emotion, every fear. My physical and emotional needs were not met. I had no
father in my life and my mother was mentally unfit to parent. I was abused in every way and by the very people who were supposed to love me. I could go on and on.

 

[mrsmegan]

@Leigh925

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate to EVERYTHING you just said above.

It is so wonderful to have such a great T, but that can be a trigger in and of itself - but to open ourselves up to exploring why it is hard, is so freeing. I am still working on it, BIG TIME, but getting there.

Just a huge pat on the back for you.

 

[Leigh925]

my mother was mentally unfit to parent. I was abused in every way and by the very people who were supposed to love me. I could go on and on.

I am so grateful this thread has come up. It is so comforting to find others that have felt the way I do.

My mother was mentally ill and an addict. She would take off for days, weeks and left for good when I was 14. She was abused herself so I don't think she harmed me with intent. It was mostly neglect. She would be in bed for days. my brothers and I had to feed and fend for ourselves. As toddlers my aunt came over after not hearing from my mom for a few days....my brother and I had spilled a box of Cheerios on the floor and that is what we had eaten for a couple of days. As young child she unknowingly put me in harms way and that is when the abuse started. As a teenager she kind of traded me once for drugs. I was a virgin.

But other times she was amazing...when she was sober or manic and felt good. My dad....absent and clueless most of the time. Was there just enough to be confusing.

It is so wonderful to have such a great T, but that can be a trigger in and of itself

So true!!!! Having someone be nice to me can be a total trigger. I was so suspicious for a long time!!!

I am so grateful for this site. I joined in 2014 but only recently have been brave enough to post. I hate that what happened to me happened to others but it sure is comforting to not feel alone.

@mrsmegan and @Silent one I am open to discussions at any point. Sounds like we have a lot in common.

@Silent one i almost used a similar profile name. I know what it is like to be silent whether by force or by fear!

 

[Leigh925]

Just a huge pat on the back for you.

Thank you for saying that. It means a lot.

 

[Silent one]

I am so grateful this thread has come up. It is so comforting to find others that have felt the way I...

I am very sad that this has happened to others. It was and is an awful way for anyone to be treated. I would not wish my life on anyone. Please know that I feel your pain. Sounds weird, I know! The family dog was treated better than me. There was constant chaos and violence. At 4 I watched my mom get the crap beat out of her by a man she allowed into our lives. It happened too many times to know. I tried to save her but was threatened to go back to bed. The beatings my mom took became normal to me. I expected it to happen. Does that make sense? I would cover my head with a pillow at night to shut out her screams. Sorry, I am getting caught up in emotions.

I am very glad I found this site. It takes a lot of courage to share Leigh925.
I am grateful you are brave enough to tell your story. I agree! It sounds like we do have a lot in common.

 

[Silent one]

@Leigh925

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate to EVERYTHING you just sa...

Sorry, I am still new at this posting! Just wanted to say that if you want to chat, we can!

 

[Tinyflame]

I relate to much of what you've said @Leigh925 too in post #16. Though I don't entirely understand abandonment- when you expect it it seems justified(?)

I can't remember either, what's said, have had the same expectations, am unsure, am a 'stuffer'.

Good for you anyway. :tup: :hug:

 

[Mafia_Science]

In my words, a corrective emotional experience is like correcting a misconception that's been engrained in your brain. Like rewriting a negative experience with a positive one.

Ex. A survivor of abuse learning that not all men are bad after meeting the man of her/his dreams.
Learning that touch can be positive and not always negative.