I read about a study that says people who dream of murder are usually introverted people with a lot of suppressed anger. That probably describes me pretty well, actually.
But I also wonder if it's a twisted sign of possible healing, for someone with trauma.
Lately a lot of my nightmares have been following a pattern. In the nightmares I am suddenly with someone from my real life past who abused or assaulted me. Then I murder them violently and it's always with a knife, it's always very graphic and realistic.
After the murder, people or demonic-like animals will hunt me down to punish me for what I have done, and I'm on the run, but I'm also not sorry.
Eventually I am cornered by those who/that are hunting me, and they kill me, and then I wake up.
I've been thinking about these nightmares lately and have started to wonder if they represent anything, like possibly my mind trying to stand up for itself and protect itself, and also possibly the conditioning of being shamed and threatened for trying to protect myself / stand up for myself.
Obviously things are blown way out of proportion in the nightmares, since they are so violent and I don't feel the desire to murder anyone in real, waking life.
Another thing I've noticed is that in the nightmares when I'm murdering the person, I don't feel any emotion (which is kind of creepy admittedly), but after the deed is done is when suddenly I feel emotion in the nightmare, mainly anger and fear. So it's also kind of like the act in the nightmare is releasing things.
It happened again when I was finally able to get some sleep this morning. I was in a large, white room with the guy who assaulted me while I was homeless some years ago. I had a large, serrated knife and tore his throat open. When he turned to run, I stabbed him in the back to make sure he wouldn't survive. Then demonic-looking wolves hunted me down and killed me.
Anyway I thought I would throw this out there in case anyone can relate. Homicidal nightmares might be harder to talk about for some people, since you don't want anyone to think you are really a dangerous person. But frankly I have started getting them once a week or more.
But I also wonder if it's a twisted sign of possible healing, for someone with trauma.
Lately a lot of my nightmares have been following a pattern. In the nightmares I am suddenly with someone from my real life past who abused or assaulted me. Then I murder them violently and it's always with a knife, it's always very graphic and realistic.
After the murder, people or demonic-like animals will hunt me down to punish me for what I have done, and I'm on the run, but I'm also not sorry.
Eventually I am cornered by those who/that are hunting me, and they kill me, and then I wake up.
I've been thinking about these nightmares lately and have started to wonder if they represent anything, like possibly my mind trying to stand up for itself and protect itself, and also possibly the conditioning of being shamed and threatened for trying to protect myself / stand up for myself.
Obviously things are blown way out of proportion in the nightmares, since they are so violent and I don't feel the desire to murder anyone in real, waking life.
Another thing I've noticed is that in the nightmares when I'm murdering the person, I don't feel any emotion (which is kind of creepy admittedly), but after the deed is done is when suddenly I feel emotion in the nightmare, mainly anger and fear. So it's also kind of like the act in the nightmare is releasing things.
It happened again when I was finally able to get some sleep this morning. I was in a large, white room with the guy who assaulted me while I was homeless some years ago. I had a large, serrated knife and tore his throat open. When he turned to run, I stabbed him in the back to make sure he wouldn't survive. Then demonic-looking wolves hunted me down and killed me.
Anyway I thought I would throw this out there in case anyone can relate. Homicidal nightmares might be harder to talk about for some people, since you don't want anyone to think you are really a dangerous person. But frankly I have started getting them once a week or more.
