Anger

[Snowflake]

if you have anger towards your abuser(s)- what would it look like, feel like? If you could do anything to them what would it be?

 

[shell]

My anger towards my parents is hard to find, I guess that is a reflection that expressing anger was unsafe.

I have an in image from time to time of a wild fire sweeping through and catching them unaware, and them pleading with me to save them and I turn and walk away.

 

[Snowflake]

My anger towards my parents is hard to find, I guess that is a reflection that expressing anger was unsaf...

My anger is directed towards me. I am trying to find anger towards those that hurt me.

 

[Anarchy]

Some one who I was once very close to, told me a few weeks back, that it's like the grieving process

They have trauma and abandonment too (and perhaps far worse than they've realized yet - but it's up to them to work that out).

So disbelief, anger and sadness are all part of coming to terms with what happened, and accepting that it did happen

That process isn't necessarily a linear progression, and part of it is learning to attribute out feelings to the individuals who actually do deserve them.

There's a process of taking ownership for what is really ours
and of stopping carrying around other people's baggage Even if we can't hope to get them to carry it for themselves, there's no need for us to keep carrying it - but it isn't easy to realise that

 

[mary1979]

I tried the whole write a letter and tell my parents how what they did had affected me years ago.
I included my psych evaluation for good measure and posted it off.


For a while it was like a release, like passing the burden back to them.
But then i realised they probably didn't absorb any of what I said anyway.
And mum told me years later they'd chucked it in the bin and hadn't read it lol

So. My version didn't end so well..

Now days though, I kind of see it as less to do with directing anger (tho I know what you mean, we are often our own worst enemy) and more about putting responsibility squarely back where it belongs.

Even if its just making a list, and Giving back, all the shit they left on your shoulders?

 

[Kintsugi]

My anger looks like miles of consuming flame. It feels like betrayal layered with injustice wrapped around helplessness and rolled in silence. If I could do anything with no consequences to my abuser? I would kill him. Unfortunately, all things in the world have consequences. All things.

 

[Ronin]

Not a topic I'm approaching.

I'm all zen & tea ceremonies for my sanity.
Edited to add: Because I know that wouldn't solve things, or bring me relief. Tea does both.

 

[Weemie]

I have spent a long time with this question. And honestly, I had a lot of thoughts. Especially when it comes down to something as loaded as what I would do, if I had the power to impact them. Killing them all. Getting them all thrown in jail. Showing them the impact of their actions. Showing them what they did. How they harmed others. How they hurt them. How they killed them. How this is representative of the same insidious suffering that occurs all over the world.

That damage, that pain--would if I could, to reflect that back on them. But, in the end, they would not see it. I think that is what jolts me out of the fantasy-zone. They would not see it, because their ignorance is the product of generations and generations of disregard and monetization and power-drugs-economy. These people are the ones who go home to their family and vow to destroy anyone who hurts their child, and they mean it.

I imagined showing my handler how he hurt me. How he hurt those other children. How this hurts people. And all I could imagine in return, was his simple nod. "Yes. And?" In order to acknowledge someone's suffering, you first have to see them as human. How do you impress upon someone the nature of your own right to exist? To take up space, for them to have aggressed against you?

It's like that everywhere. So, what can you do? How can you fight the world?

 

[Thizette]

I've done well with visualization. Like: imagine X. Imagine X blowing up. Imagine X drowning. Imagine giving X a thoughtful gift, and then setting it on fire.

Obviously that's not super healthy, but it helps sate my inappropriate anger responses so I can think clearly and in a more healthy way.

 

[The ANP]

Most days I am a saint. Eternal love forgiveness and all that. Sometimes I fantasize about doing the world a favor. Long range sniper rifle for one. Slit his throat and listen to him choke on his own blood for another. I am still working on the anger.

 

[Ronin]

Honestly, I don't want them to die where I'm anywhere nearby.

They would be just more bloody mess in my way. I need them to stop being a mess & in my way. So distance. The exact opposite.
/bookmarks the thread for the less rational times.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

My anger is gone, they have no power over me anymore. All that matters now is health and good friends. Anger has done enough damage to me.