I grew up in a very conservative, Christian, right-wing household and extended family culture. The patriarchal system served to silence those of us who were being abused while enabling the abusers access and authority to harm others. It has taken me a long time to recover from the religious abuse. Many of my extended family members are leaders in their conservative churches yet are serial abusers, cheats, pedophiles, and other manifestations of hypocrisy that I just cannot tolerate in my life.
I despaired of ever finding "my people" as I tried many, many other churches only to discover that it just isn't for me. That is, until I went to a women's retreat, and met many amazing, wonderful women who hold many different spiritual beliefs, but all of them non-Abrahamic. They were welcoming, and the messages fit so well with my belief system that I truly felt I had found my tribe at last. I also joined my local Unitarian Universalist fellowship (they don't call it "church") with people of all types of beliefs, backgrounds, and genders supporting each other on our individual quests without any "dogma" nor pushing of rigid beliefs.
I've since been overjoyed to engage in activism that matches my spiritual self with other, like-minded people. I participate in healing rituals taken from an eclectic mix of many different religions. I love learning about all religions as it helps me understand those I love and those I fear better. I crave time with music, and dance, and chanting, and meditation, and even prayer as I choose to practice it.
Over time, I have become an eclectic pagan, choosing what heals me and the earth and rejecting the teachings of obedience to male authorities and patriarchal religions where the feminine divine has been rejected. My spiritual practices include group and solo drumming, feeding birds, picking up trash outdoors, making alters, meditating, using singing bowls, walks with nature, journaling, and art. I have never felt more free nor happier. My PTSD symptoms have greatly decreased, though not gone.
I am so very grateful to have found I am not alone in being unable to accept mainstream religion. It finally feels like the real me I was inside is finally matched to my outside. The earth is my Mother. I saw a meme that fit me perfectly. "I worship the Earth. Don't laugh - I can prove it exists."