I Tell A Lot Of Lies, Always Have. Symptom Of Ptsd?

[Eves]

My earliest memories of telling lies are of being creative and imaginative in the form of telling what my parents obviously knew were fictional stories, like getting up early and working with horses and cowboys and shooting bad guys and getting back in bed tired and hungry and waiting for them to wake up for a big breakfast. It earned their favor and made them laugh and I developed an imagination that has served me well in my personal life and in my career.

Then, I went to school and started in telling stories about how my grandfather and father were experts at any subject you wanted to talk about, in an effort to impress teachers and friends with my broad exposure and experiences and desirable lineage. Not a lot, but enough to remember doing it. No remembrances of being called on any of it, I was a very intelligent and gifted student and did know most of the things I said I knew, I just remember using false sources for my knowledge in an effort to make my life seem more interesting than just reading a lot and watching educational television.

Then, I grew up a little and stopped, I think, for many years.

Until My mom died, my father remarried the most self-serving and narcissistic religious zealot I have ever had the misfortune to know personally and I started in lying again just to cover my "normalcy" and avoid being beaten for holding on to my lack of belief in any form of organized religion and my "worldly ways" that included an interest in science and geology and history and reading for pleasure and an understanding of current events outside of what the church was spewing my way. I lied and even got baptised since it meant nothing to me but a respite from her constant reporting my failures to my father who would beat me rather than experience her wrath for not beating me.

So I left home and went in search of people that would accept me into their homes and couch surfed for several years ( I was 14). This was a lot easier with a colorful past to tell stories of, it wouldn't have worked with a truthful past of scholastic achievement and vacations and private schools and a fridge that always had food and milk in it, nor would admitting that I was spanked at 14 by my father because I got caught listening to a radio or reading a non-religious book on the sabbath day. I had to make it up, fast and loose, as I went, and I became very skillful at telling a believable lie and remembering the details of the lies I told.

It became a habit.

At the end of a day, any day, I can look back and remember at least one time where I went the extra mile to make my life seem more normal or just to get a conversation started.

I don't lie to avoid trouble or hide a fault, I don't tell "felony" lies and it doesn't make me less trustworthy or even dishonest when it matters. I just want to make friends or to have something to talk to friends about so rather than talk about how I spent the day in bed depressed over being reminded of a horrific event I have seen or suffered personally, I might have been out walking with my dogs and saw a bull elk or gone fishing and maybe fished four hours without a bite or pulled apart a lawnmower engine just to find a stuck ring that when fixed seems to have stopped the oil consumption and it now starts easier probably because the compression is where it should be.


I think it has become my method to cover the inner turmoil of a life with PTSD.

I live in the real world and know the difference between my embellished past and the real story, and I DO NOT hurt anyone or use my skills to benefit myself in any way other than to have normal interactions with normal people or to tone down my very real high level of intelligence from "know it all" to "heard about it once when I met a guy that knew something about it".

Anyone able to relate?

 

[Azid]

I disagree with the assessment that you don't hurt people with your lies.

The lies seem to be manipulation to get what you want. Even you said that the lies helped you couch surf, right?

The lies started pre trauma based on what you said, so it's not a consequence of trauma.

Also lying is not a dsm criteria for PTSD so while it may be a result of trauma for some, it's not part of PTSD by the book.

Are you posting anonymously because you fear that people will stop talking to you on the forum if they knew your real username and that you're a habitual liar? I guess it would call into question everything you've ever posted.

Not everything is a consequence of PTSD/trauma. You have the power to not lie and tell the truth.

 

[Leniba]

Friendship and relationships are based on truth and honesty.

Do you realize that the simple act of lying means that many people won't want to be friends with you?

I see a lot of denial in what you post. It seems like you don't have a true understanding of how detrimental lying can be. You may think that it doesn't matter because you're not lying about the big stuff, but I disagree. Someone who lies about the little stuff can't be trusted with the big stuff.

I think it's a big problem, the lying, and the denial about its impact. I highly suggest finding a therapist, immediately telling them that you're a habitual liar, and asking for help.

Until you're truthful on whole, you're unfortunately not trustworthy. It's sort of how the trust thing works.

 

[Hezew]

...But then the people who like you aren't liking the real you.
They're liking the fake you.

I can see it as a survival skill...and it sounds like your home life was bad. Crazymaking. You had to fake it to not get abused in some form or fashion, right?
You did it really to survive and out of habit.
So...why be fake when you get out...and get to a point where you no longer have to do it because you are forced to create a more appealing persona to survive?
...I am not the full, real me at work. I push it, but I can't be fully ME there and keep a job.
I have to fake a semblance of normalcy.
So...it is something people do...faking who we are to survive.
Most ofus don't go to the degree of making elaborate tales, though.

You are likable as you are. Just as you are. Maybe by a different set of people? But people will like you for you. Gradually try being genuine.
You will be liked.

Note: A lot of us on the forum have been horribly lied to, brainwashed,emotionally abused, tormented and gaslighted. People may respond and not realize they are responding in a triggered way.
...Lying's a big bad red flag in my world; you'd register as a threat in real life.

 

[Ofaduw]

P.s. last message ( h e z e w ) was stick ler. I used to try really hard to act normal. People like me more when I act more like me. BUUUUT...at work I have to be professional?
I do have to pay attention to roles and environs.

I once screwed up very bad when someone on my job said " Women can't manage money," and ( since I'm female ) I said " Bite me," reflexively.
...You can't call sexist jerks out on the clock, alright?

( I comfort myself by knowing, with that attitude, he's gonna subconsciously pick women who are irresponsible and who'll be running to him for bailouts, because that will feel " right. " Oops. )

 

[Olow]

Since January who here's lied ? Every one? Yeah that's what I thought. But do you see. Yourself as dishonest? Nope? But you jut admitted you have lied. Oh but they don't count? Why is that. Was it no honey those jeans don't make you look fat. Oh I must've forgot to take my phone off silent. Oh I'm doing just fine thank you.

Everyone lies. Most people tell themselves lies to keep believing they're honest. Everyone hates a liar.

What you've described in child hood is really a very normal part of growing up children lie in fact it's seen as a developmental problem when they don't.

I've watched this whole playlist of ted talks it's so interesting. https://www.ted.com/playlists/222/5_talks_on_the_truth_about_lyi
the one about buggy moral code has been made feature length and is on netflix "(dis)honesty the truth about lies". Pam Mayer says lies are co-operative act. Someone has to buy into the lie for it to work. How many times have you been speaking to someone all the while thinking "bullshit" but never called them up on it. "Spy the lie" is a really good read too.

Everyone does it to a certain degree or another. But you can tell the truth and be who you are! No doubt some of the people in your life won't like it but the people you keep will like you for you. No shadow of a doubt.

 

[Epet]

I think is a bit much to victim blame when someone believes a lie!

 

[Vudo]

What? Who's victim blaming?

 

[Ecise]

I'm the same way. I lied because I was afraid that if people knew who I really was, they would despise me. That wasn't my PTSD, it was my abandonment issue. As I begin to love myself, I feel less need to lie.

 

[Gemaw]

Theres a difference between buying a lie that means nothing and being manipulated and gaslighted. I'm no way saying that it's your fault for being lied to. Plus the co-operative act part is really in the context of learning how to spot the signs some one is being dishonest.

I didn't really appreciate that a lot if people were getting pretty hight and mighty about this. This person is could be quite embarrassed and because society says liars are bad they are probably feeling quite a bit of shame about it. But it really is a part of our society you're lied to 10-200 times a day. We lie to ourselves 1-2 times a day.

I am in no way saying people it's anyone's fault for accepting the lie. Just watch the ted talks.

 

[Omiz]

Pathological lying (mythomania, pseudologia fantastica) - also known as compulsive lying - is its own disorder. It's also a symptom of many personality disorders.

OP, you are describing it in its classic form - including the onset in late childhood as a result of abuse or neglect.

Therapy is really the only way to go about dealing with it.

The risk in sustaining it is that, basically, your relationships will never be stable or long-lasting. You could also escalate if you find yourself in an extra-stressful situation for a period of time. You run the risk of ultimately losing track or losing control (inadvertently) of the fictions. You also are always at risk for losing the distinction between reality and your fabrication.

As hard and scary as it might be, the best thing really is to seek treatment. The underlying lack of sense of self isn't going to go away or get better on its own, and will keep you in a kind of 'hidden isolation'.

I'm hoping that by posting here, it means you are thinking about perhaps getting treatment for this. You might be ready to stop doing it, and stopping will be much healthier and safer.

Joeylittle

 

[Itoso]

I mostly tell the truth. Sometimes to my detriment.
There's social lies...as in " yes, you look thinner." ( which my one ex-boyfriend followed up with..." I mean, that's what you wanted to hear, isn't it?" Smartass.)
...There's confabulation...telling wild stories to make yourself look good. This seems...mostly harmless but it sets off my PTSD spidey senses about that person.
...Then there's lies told with various levels of active malice or conscious deception that ends up harming people.
The line between #2 and #3 seems, IMO, blurry...something often only discovered in retrospect?
That is, whether one has harmed someone with an untruth that you thought was harmless?

I think the OP is a basically good person, just very afraid.