I Tell A Lot Of Lies, Always Have. Symptom Of Ptsd?

[Ogo]

I know the feeling. You lie, because it's painful not to pretend. I don't condone it -- and I suggest help, but you're not the first or last one to lie so much. A symptom of PTSD is not compulsive lying, but it can come out in all sorts of way as a result of the PTSD to you. Everyone experiences PTSD differently and as a result does what they need to do to survive. To me, I wholeheartedly disagree. "You can't be trusted." You say you lie, but you just told the truth about you lying. Therefore, you're not as bad as you think you may be. The most important thing to do is not to keep lying to yourself and get help -- until then, not many people will be able to trust you. I've been friends with compulsive liars before -- and if it's what they feel the need to do, so be it. As long as I know they are aware of the problem, it's not my place to judge. However I will still strongly suggest you to tell a therapist -- whether or not it's related to PTSD doesn't matter as long as you tell the therapist what you've told us. Lying is pretty serious and can cause strain and relationship breakups. Best of luck to you!

 

[Ucevip]

Lying destroys trust. It's inly a cooperative thing if the person being lied to knows it's a lie, and if they accept the lie it means they already don't trust the person lying.
Lies create confusion, lies can even create mental illness.
I was lied to and gaslighted all my young life - it's made me almost too honest because I fully know the impact lies can have.
Trust is love and love is trust - we need more of both in this world!
It's one of those things people laugh off that are actually really important.
Be real. Your world will open up and you and everyone else around you will be happier!

 

[Ejope]

I disagree with the assessment that you don't hurt people with your lies.

The lies seem to be manipulation to get what...

Lying can appease the tyrannical abuser.

As a strategy for appeasing abuse it needs to not be characterised as a negative thing.

Two of my friends are pathological liars who were abused as children and developed eididic memories to become resilient to conversational attack.

Bringing a sufferer into awareness is a nuanced process, not one to be hammered.

 

[Eves]

OP here. I presented all of this to a counselor pretty much as stated in my post. I have been seeing this person for a few months now and we have discussed this before but never really explored the possibility of being a pathological liar before. I gave her the opportunity to question anything I had told her before with a 100% promise of 100% honesty regarding the truth or falseness of anything I had ever said in our sessions and was surprised when she nailed me on a few exaggerations that I didn't even consider as falsehoods, just stretches to make a point at the time. We are "on the level" and she states emphatically that I am more worried about my lies than I should be and am far from being pathological.

And, to add to the conversation here, I want to pass on her opinion of how PTSD and lieing do go together, at least for me.

Admitting that we are suffering from the traumatics events of our past is hard, but admitting that we had no control over our own past is another level of hard. Telling ourselves lies about why things happened is normal for sufferers, sharing these lies with others is also common. Those are the lies I told her in sessions past, lies about how I knew events were not my fault but in reality I was holding on to the idea that I had some control over my life back then and wasn't going to let go of it. Holding on to blaming myself was a lie I told to cover the fact that I was unable to stop my abuse and totally helpless to avert the damage suffered.

My daily lies are designed to try to fit in and contribute to a group discussion that isn't the discussion I would be having or the group I would choose to be in. I lie to fit in, not to change who I am or to try to make myself anything more than I really am or more than the people I am lieing to. If I had a choice I would be in a different group and I could be 100% honest all day long, but thats not a luxury any of us have.

Basically, we all lie to fit in. Do you wear deoderant? I hope you do, but no one really beleives that you smell like a mountain breeze any more than they believe that you are truly great even when you say you are when they ask you how you are doing.

I need to accept that I have a habit I don't like, that it is a common thing and not at a disorder level, and I need to quit beating myself up over this and about a thousand other things. This is an easy one, I can choose to continue or choose to stop, or just choose to be aware and make my peace with it.

 

[Cabeg]

OP here. I presented all of this to a counselor pretty much as stated in my post. I have been seeing this person for a fe...

Well done mate!

 

[Ajifim]

Uhm, PTSD and lying don't go together.

TRAUMA and lying go together.

There is a distinction.

Nothing in the DSM description mentions lying.

If you run around telling everyone that you lie because of PTSD then you're going to perpetuate stigma and falsehoods.

 

[Ani]

And I'm lol at the notion that wearing deodorant is lying!

I think you have serious issues with the truth if you're using deodorant wearing as justification for lying.

 

[Cupes]

OP - great job bringing it into therapy! Great work understanding it's a choice, and you can make a choice. I understand what your therapist is saying in terms of lying as a form of coping, FWIW - and the important bit is that you aren't trying to turn that into some reason why it's cool to continue the behavior because you have PTSD.

Awesome job.

 

[Mudeb]

I agree! Awesome!
I think it may change your life in more ways than you can imagine.
Happy for you (-;

 

[Jowa]

I just caught the "I tell a lot of lies" part...you aren't one of my ex's are you? he he

 

[Aki]

Look up "gifted imaginational overexcitability." It might have nothing to do with PTSD and everything to do with giftedness. I've never had a problem with lying, but I do cover up my intelligence. Occasionally I'll use deceit. For example, when I first meet a professional I'll test their competence a little bit. At my first appointment with the trauma specialist, I asked her about E.M.D.R. (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). I came across as though I was curious about getting the therapy, when really what I wanted to hear was what she actually said:
There's no research that shows the eye movements do anything, and that it's very possible the effects are from the exposure aspect. Exposure therapy's already been proven effective, and unless it's shown to do something different, I'm not willing to use it.
Had she been gung-ho about it, I'd have found a different specialist. In general I tailor my vocabulary to the person with whom I'm speaking and refrain from saying anything that could undermine anyone's ego. It's basically an inauthentic existence, but I can be my authentic self with a couple people. There are other overexcitabilities, including intellectual, emotional, psychomotor, and sensual. You might just be lying as a survival skill.

 

[Eves]

Look up "gifted imaginational overexcitability.

OP here.

Thanks. Really, thanks.

Being a gifted child is not a weight I would put on anyone, really. Feeling "outside looking in" from your earliest social interactions is a life of self doubt and social isolationism. It has made me a misanthropic person with little hope for ever feeling like I belong.

I overcompensate, trying to find the median, common, average for the group I want to be a part of (or have to be a part of) and then try to live that lie or at least tell that lie to fit in.

Homer said: Always follow the rules of the playground- 1) never say anything unless you are absolutely sure that everyone else agrees before you say it 2) always make fun of those that are different than yourself, and 3) Never tell on anyone.

Homer Simpson is a great philosopher that doesn't get the respect he deserves.

My lies are all a misguided attempt to fit the norm. I choose to stop.

It is a habit that formed early on and reading about the different types of overexcitability that gifted children often suffer just sheds more light on my experience and I thank Aki for that nugget.

Even those that have chosen to be critical and derisive here get my thanks, I know what it feels like to be lied to, and now I know others feel the same way,