Wrong!!!

[Neverthesame]

I think alot of EMS personell dread the possibility of getting a call that turns out to be a close friend or God forbid, a family member.

How volunteer firefighters in small towns do what they do, knowing most everyone they work on. Never ceases to amaze me.

 

[Suzetig]

While she's a mental health professional she most likely won't have had medical training, unless she started out as a nurse, doctor etc so she most likely doesn't know there are two Becks. It might be good for you to take it back to her and explain what happened in you when you thought she had got it wrong and how hard it was for you to bring it up with her.

There may be further mistakes or misunderstandings among the way and dealing with this one will set a pattern and strengthen your relationship.

 

[Sighs]

Most therapists are not medically trained. And we all get familiar with our own terminology. My vet has been riding horses all his life but when he first had formal dressage lessons he had to ask the instructor not to use the word "contact" as it triggered his combat PTSD every time. So even if the terminology is correct in that setting, if it bothers you ask her not to use it.

 

[scout86]

but the million dollar question is why couldn't I tell her.

I have a similar reaction to those kinds of situations. And I HAVE, rather undiplomatically, questioned my T from time to time. Usually turns out he was right.....:( BUT, what I try to remember to do is say something like "Really, I thought Beck's triad was........" With my T, he likes learning stuff and he'd find it interesting to know that there are 2 versions of the same name. Obviously not everyone thinks that way, but it's a way you can make your point without seeming as much like a no it all. (At least I hope that's how it comes off!)

And, I learned TWO things here tonight! :)

 

[Sandstone]

Coming back to this this now, I'm reminded of the time dreadful T said to me " You have scatalogical thinking" I let it go for a few minutes, couldn't make sense of it or listen to anything more she was saying because I was trying to fit it to me. Eventually I asked if she meant that word, spelled that way. It transpired she meant erratic and unordered. I checked definitions during the week, and came back saying " You can't use that word to mean that" and she indignantly responded " I can use any word to mean anything I want" I see that incident as crystallising our inability to find each other.

It is only now that I realise there were two layers of misunderstanding. She thought I was saying she didn't have permission from me, whereas I meant a dispassionate "It is not possible, that is not what society has agreed that word should represent" I wonder how many other non-communication made her so dreadful for me.

It is a different question from

but the million dollar question is why couldn't I tell her.
I think I didn't want to come across as a braniac know it all

but it picks up on the same issues. To me, there is one about the balance of power in therapy relationships, and one about needing things to be pinned down and precise. It has been referred to as a vein of pedantry in the family, but I'm inclined to think that when so much is amorphous and unsaid, we strive for any certainty we can achieve.

 

[joeylittle]

...dreadful T said to me " You have scatalogical thinking"...

Wow. That word really does not mean what she thought it means. :banghead:

Her reaction to you the following session is an excellent example of unbelievably shitty emotional regulation.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Therapy is hard in ways that digging ditches doesn't even compare. I know I finally started to get better when I no longer found myself looking for any words or mannerisms in my T. to prove to me he didn't know what he was doing. :rolleyes:

That has been a trust issue for me for so long it took a long time to finally decide that he's a human being and is going to express himself in non-perfect ways according to my "how things should be done" map. At some point I had to decide if he was well-intentioned or not. Once I decided that he was well-intentioned, and that I have complex defenses and triggers that even Google couldn't map, I had to learn to identify, address, and bring up my feelings when words or mannerisms brought up negative feelings towards him or I wouldn't be able to move forward and do it in my own life.

He actually was pleased when I started not dissociating or running away from such therapeutic challenges. Every time I have "stood up" for myself in therapy, it has transferred to better functioning with peers and loved ones. I was a paramedic/Emergency Room Tech and felt like I knew more than my therapists. What finally had to sink in was the idea that they just *might* know more about therapy than me. :D I also decided to trust that they had access to information I wasn't aware of and that they could observe signs/symptoms in me and my functioning that I didn't even know were apparent.

I had "word salad" thinking in the beginning of therapy, which for me was the first two years or so. He didn't call it that, but he called it "extremely complex defenses." I actually thanked him for that as I thought it was a compliment. DOH! It was a description of the morass of triggers that were being tripped constantly, making it harder for us to build the necessary therapeutic alliance to even stabilize enough to begin the trauma processing. But, I stuck with it and I am so glad I stopped firing the poor guy.

There will be many such instances in the therapy room for anyone in therapy, and are for me still. I try to remind myself that my negative feelings aren't the "fault" or "responsibility" truly of the therapist - though sometimes it's intentional on their part to get me to stick up for myself - but rather are the result of the abuse, my basic world view, past traumas big and small, and what I tell myself in my head about what I am experiencing. It took me many years to get to this point, and it still happens occasionally.

Hang in there. It gets better, both in therapy and out amongst the earth people.

 

[Sandstone]

Deciding whether it is a trust issue or a bad T is the tricky bit, isn't it? If my experience of every T was "bad" and "good" in the same way then it would be easy to identify that the problem was me. But the three good ones have been true to themselves and good in their own ways, though they were willing to pick up on the things that I knew worked for me. The two bad ones were each bad in their own disturbing ways.

@Florian7051 would you like us to take this elsewhere? Have you decided if you are going to follow it up with your T? and was the actual subject matter, the CBT triad part of the problem?

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I had "word salad" thinking in the beginning of therapy

Love this. Yes all tangled bits and pieces and trying to hold them together, which is not working. Finding one to work with and trust, a tough job in itself. Vulnerable and seeking a trustworthy partner for a long journey.

 

[Virtues]

Deciding whether it is a trust issue or a bad T is the tricky bit, isn't it? If my experience of ever...

I have given this a lot of thought and I think it IS a trust issue, but not in my therapist, rather in myself. I think I have so little trust (and confidence) in myself that I jump at the chance to be correct about something. I also think that I am aware of this character flaw so I consciously try not to do it (which is why it was so hard for me to correct her). It's like there is a thin line to walk between confidence and arrogance and I'm trying so hard not to come across as being arrogant because I know I lack confidence (if that makes any sense at all). I don't know if I'm making any sense at all here.

It's like I know my mask is paper thin and I don't want to draw any more attention to it than is already there, because I'm afraid everyone will see right through it. My father always use to tell me "it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think your stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

 

[Suzetig]

That makes perfect sense to me, I know I defend most fiercely the parts of me that feel most fragile or lacking.

I think the answer, for me at least, has been to try a be compassionate to myself - to recognise those parts are fragile or underdeveloped for a reason and to respect the part of me that wants to defend me. I'm only trying to keep myself safe and while the way I do that may not be helpful now, there were times when it literally saved my life. So I need to learn that I'm not in danger now, but respect the part of me that thinks I am, and to not be angry and frustrated because I feel defensive. It's hard though.