EveHarrington
VIP Member
I understand. I still think that the therapist could have handled it differently given that you stopped therapy after that. (Wouldn't that be a red flag to a therapist?)
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I understand. I still think that the therapist could have handled it differently given that you stopped therapy after that. (Wouldn't that be a red flag to a therapist?)
UnKnown-Self
Diamond Member
@Mafia_Science
When you are betrayed by your parents and the system at an early age it makes it so very hard to trust anyone.
I hope you take time to talk and write to your child self, maybe while doing an inexpensive activity that you enjoyed then. Coloring, paper dolls, playing jax, you get the idea. Play for a little while, at a time you are feeling relaxed and have the day free. If you feel anxious don't force the talk. It might take a few times to feel comfortable. There is no rush. Maybe you can start with a favorite book and read it, out loud or to yourself. I have a small collection of children's books. The point is to take the time to feel safe enjoyable moments with your child self. When the time feels right, talk to your child self who was betrayed. You don't have to go into details of events. You don't want to trigger yourself. Tell your child self how much you like them and enjoy spending time with them. The truth will be in your previous actions. Keep on playing and taking time to befriend that child. It doesn't have to be a lot of time but time you commit to and a promise you keep. You want to build trust. It can be an hour once a month. Just as long as you take the time, make the commitment and keep the promise. Make it special. Eventually you can say I am here for you and I am a grownup who will protect you. Again there is no rush, if you feel anxiety rising slow the adult talk down and just play. Eventually you will be able to tell your child self, you will protect and care for that child, that child is safe with you. You will be able to say "I love you" and feel it. You might get to a point to acknowledge the wrongs, the child might bring them to you. Then you say whatever comforting words that feel right. Acknowledge what happened, acknowledge they did not deserve it and they did nothing wrong, those people were sick ( or whatever word you feel comfortable with) keep the focus on comforting and soothing the child as you hold on to your adult self.
The adult self who during this time spent with the child has become friend, protector and parent to that child. The loving parent that child deserved. It could last a lifetime or the day may come the child grows and joins you, I honestly don't know. One thing I do know, is it can't hurt. Even if you spend one hour a month doing a favorite childhood activity for the rest of your life. So what? You have lost nothing.
To be honest, I don't know if I wrote this to you, me, both or everyone. But it feels right so I will leave it.
When you are betrayed by your parents and the system at an early age it makes it so very hard to trust anyone.
I hope you take time to talk and write to your child self, maybe while doing an inexpensive activity that you enjoyed then. Coloring, paper dolls, playing jax, you get the idea. Play for a little while, at a time you are feeling relaxed and have the day free. If you feel anxious don't force the talk. It might take a few times to feel comfortable. There is no rush. Maybe you can start with a favorite book and read it, out loud or to yourself. I have a small collection of children's books. The point is to take the time to feel safe enjoyable moments with your child self. When the time feels right, talk to your child self who was betrayed. You don't have to go into details of events. You don't want to trigger yourself. Tell your child self how much you like them and enjoy spending time with them. The truth will be in your previous actions. Keep on playing and taking time to befriend that child. It doesn't have to be a lot of time but time you commit to and a promise you keep. You want to build trust. It can be an hour once a month. Just as long as you take the time, make the commitment and keep the promise. Make it special. Eventually you can say I am here for you and I am a grownup who will protect you. Again there is no rush, if you feel anxiety rising slow the adult talk down and just play. Eventually you will be able to tell your child self, you will protect and care for that child, that child is safe with you. You will be able to say "I love you" and feel it. You might get to a point to acknowledge the wrongs, the child might bring them to you. Then you say whatever comforting words that feel right. Acknowledge what happened, acknowledge they did not deserve it and they did nothing wrong, those people were sick ( or whatever word you feel comfortable with) keep the focus on comforting and soothing the child as you hold on to your adult self.
The adult self who during this time spent with the child has become friend, protector and parent to that child. The loving parent that child deserved. It could last a lifetime or the day may come the child grows and joins you, I honestly don't know. One thing I do know, is it can't hurt. Even if you spend one hour a month doing a favorite childhood activity for the rest of your life. So what? You have lost nothing.
To be honest, I don't know if I wrote this to you, me, both or everyone. But it feels right so I will leave it.
Last edited:
UnKnown-Self
Diamond Member
I apologize if my post went off topic. Mods please feel free to move it if you think it should be.
UnKnown-Self
Diamond Member
@The Albatross
I can so relate. One of my ex's passed away. The other is still alive and it's been years since we've had any contact. We were together 20 years. He is the father of two of my children though and by what I hear from my kids who contact him a couple times a year he is harmless to me now.
I am coming to see he might be a bit of a narcissist.
One of the craziest things he ever said to me, "You should thank me for being so hard on you. Because of me, you are stronger."
Enough of that ....
Today will be a good day!
That is malignant narcissism and sociopathy alright.
.....that arrogant POS:mad:
I'm glad you're free of him.:hug:
katz
Platinum Member
It's funny that you mentioned this. One of the things that I have found is a letter--which is clearly wrote by a child--it is a note that I wrote to "God". It is asking him to "make my daddy stop hurting me". I know that they will find this some day. It also says that I "told mommy" and "she won't believe me".
This letter was the proof that I needed to convince myself that I had not made up any of this. I even carry a picture of it in my phone, in case I ever need to "convince" myself again.
Chem Lady
Silver Member
I will definitely not tell my PTSD causer that I have PTSD. Right now our relationship is pleasantly superficial; mostly silent distance with the odd contact and talk about the weather and pets.
I can just imagine the possible responses:
"You weren't THAT uspet!"
She'd act like I made it up to get attention.
She'd probably scoff at me.
I'd probably get yelled at.
"I saw this guy in the hospital once and he was WAY worse than you!"
No thanks.
I can just imagine the possible responses:
"You weren't THAT uspet!"
She'd act like I made it up to get attention.
She'd probably scoff at me.
I'd probably get yelled at.
"I saw this guy in the hospital once and he was WAY worse than you!"
No thanks.
katz
Platinum Member
Chem Lady
When I read your post it made me glad to hear that some one else is doing this. I also have a relationship with one of my demons. I do the same thing and just let him talk, he is 90 years old. I just listen and let him think that I care. He does know about my condition, however he probably believes that it was not him that caused it. He just decided that it was one of "the others" that hurt me.
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