Other Ddnos folks - do you feel misunderstood?

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Dissociative deeper scales don't work the same. Spinning into worse states and more confusion & regressing & overload by early trauma or very uncategorized complex trauma dissociation usually keeps at bay, can be the opposite of helpful.

Oh dear, yes .. thank you for this! :) :( It's better for US if I am the one in the "textbook" know-how, and he knows himself(ves) best, so together we make it work, but it's definitely best when I don't "overwhelm" him with the details .. Best to let his "parts" reveal THEMSELVES rather than us trying to "draw them out" ..

~WU

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

I suppose I'm bisexual, but that's not really right either.

My husband has a similar dilemma .. We have decided that if anyone is on a "need to know" basis (VERY rare if ever), we resort to "bisexual" descriptor .. not far from my own reality, either, frankly, which is why we "work" together. ;) But on the whole, we have found the "disorder" (of "DD" vernacular) to be more with respect to his "parts" not being in good communication or cooperation with each other "inside" .. So to the extent "internal agreement" can be reached, my husband is able to "manage" and in fact RECOVER himself .. AND we can enjoy each other more fully, including in matters of intimacy .. Our #1 rule - first do no HARM.

We apply that rule, each to ourselves, internally too .. We check in with each other often with questions like, "Do you have peace about this?"

~WU

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Have you tried writing it down for your therapist to read? At least then he'll be aware of what is going on and can try to find a way for you to move forward on addressing the issue.

I have, but then I freeze. Hold the journal walking in to make myself hand it over and then still freeze anyways. Email is a good option and I need to start using it. But even that seems impossible at times.

Dissociative deeper scales don't work the same. Spinning into worse states and more confusion & regressing & overload by early trauma or very uncategorized complex trauma dissociation usually keeps at bay, can be the opposite of helpful.

In 2012, when it all came crashing down, i did a lot of reading to try and make sense of what was happening, and it started spinning out of control.

I know this. I also know that ignoring all my parts in the fall meant that I fell apart even more. I tried to kill myself twice. Acknowledging the dissociative experiences has been scary, but the knowledge has helped me normalize the experiences enough that the suicide attempts and the self destructive behaviors have become so much less frequent.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

I have, but then I freeze. Hold the journal walking in to make myself hand it over and then still freeze anyways. Email is a good option and I need to start using it. But even that seems impossible at times.

I'm so sorry this is your reality :( :hug::hug:

I don't know your situation well enough to make great comment - except to say that this DOES get better/"easier" .. My husband didn't really start to get a handle on this until the past few years, and he's approaching 50 years old. ... I hope that doesn't discourage you. I only mean, it is WORTH it to keep struggling for your solutions .. they will be unique to you and your situation, cuz not all your experiences will map exactly onto anyone else's. But the HEALING journey IS the "good fight." And it's WORTH it. It won't always seem impossible. I hope you have a T you can TRUST .. cuz that is critical.

~WU

 

[aria]

Yes! The best information I've found is the personal experiences of people on here and in blogs I've found. But I feel like there's very little out there that helps describe what DDNOS feels like for people. The scientific articles about it aren't particularly of interest to me, what I need is to know is if the things I am experiencing is "normal" for other DDNOS folks or advice on how to deal with certain aspects of it, you know? When you're new to this stuff, it's so confusing and scary at times and you just need to know that others experience similar things.

 

[Saladbowl]

For those of us with DDNOS - do you feel misunderstood? There is so much literature on PTS...

I know of a helpful website that may be of interest to you. It provides info for DID and DDNOS and I've found it helpful myself. It's pods UK

 

[freeze]

Wow. Have never seen people talking about this agonizing reality that I have. Have felt this way for years. Am the too curious, fact gathering, logical, must understand everything kind of person. I have researched and researched...and read through countless things trying to 'get' it. I am not fully DID. I know that. And yet all of my symptoms...how my world is...when I look up the only words I can find, inevitably brings up DID. I will say....understanding it doesn't help. I could pass a flippin test about dissociation....DDNOS or DID, etc....and it doesn't matter. It does not help the chaos inside go away. All the info and textbook knowledge in the world is totally unrecallable and inaccessible when spiraling out, when the people in my head scream too loud, when fingernails on the chalkboard screech. I descend into our little personal abandoned asylum and it's stuff of horror movies. Someone above said to be careful reading too much about it. They are right. While it helps to understand, and even not feel so alone, it also usually makes me feel even more broken beyond repair and damaged. Instead of finding hope through education, I find hopeLESSness.
I cannot talk about the people who live in my head with my therapist. For one....I freeze, feel ashamed, or even fear that I sound SO fantastical and like I'm making it up. To hear myself try to put words to it sounds ridiculous.
The other reason I can't is because I suffer consequences sometimes if I say too much from HER in my head. I think that because I am very aware of them and we have whole conversations, that this is what makes it DDNOS instead of DID. Co-consciousness. Whereas fully DID usually does not have that...people w it are most often unaware of the others. That is the biggest difference that seems to be largely and most often agreed upon by professionals.
Anyway....thank you for this question and thread. It does help to know that others share this frustration, confusion, isolation....etc. Though that sounds awful because I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I'm actually sorry so many others deal with this too.

 

[intothelight]

I've lost a decade and then random years, parts of years and days throughout my lifetime. No one can explain it or how to recover it. It is sad, for I realize that I disassociated to protect myself, but the good memories are gone along with the bad.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yes very misunderstood, my latest therapist asked "how do I switch it off?" :facepalm:

I can only integrate the parts, not turn them all off entirely.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Email is a good option and I need to start using it. But even that seems impossible at times.

I text my therapist. The deal is, he wants me to go ahead and send messages, but he doesn't have to answer it. I know he uses it to sort of keep an eye on me ... but sometimes I'm just a goof and if he has free time he's jokey with me. We also have a setup in case I REALLY need something.
I used to be a writer and now writing scares me.So I understand. I don't like email either. Somehow, how I am right now , texting is, I guess I consider it ephemeral. I send it and it's GONE. :) Just last week he asked if I could write down a list, I said nope, he said, Well, can you text it. I said "maybe."
Have I done so? Not this week, no. I understand it being frightening and I don't even know exactly why. I'm sorry that you experience this, Shadow.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Yes very misunderstood, my latest therapist asked "how do I switch it off?" :facepalm:

CJ Really? Wow. This past week, for the very first time, my therapist mentioned DID and DDNOS and I did know I experience dissociation but I've always thought it fell under PTSD.
My head turned when he said DID. I suddenly zoomed in on him. And now I've been thinking of it, since this past Thursday, - as in "Oh, this explains that...." and it is kind of freaking me out. I know it's just a term and it probably won't change my treatment; it definitely will not change my medication, but I feel different having a stated diagnosis
I'm sorry I started talking all about me... I am trying to communicate to you, along the lines of: My therapist knew more than me!
WOW! It threw me for a loop. I would hope a therapist would be helping you with this and not asking you questions about it. Is it possible your therapist asked, "How do YOU switch it off?" so that he/she can help you do this, or help you find a better way... ?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yeah, she was meaning that I need to find a way of not dissociating anymore. I was under the impression I'm supposed to integrate my parts, so I think she doesn't understand it correctly.

And yes, freaked out was how I felt when I first realised I might have this. I thought I'd gone insane. Kept reading little bits about it then freaking out completely. Still scares me now, a bit. I had to research it all by myself as my previous psychologist terminated me after I remembered the abuse, I don't think she knew how to help because I was meant to be working on my eating disorder.