Teddy da Bear
New Here
Hello. I suffer from PTSD/cPTSD.
I had such a wonderful life, wonderful wife and family. I lost most everything in a very short time.
My mother had leukemia and Alzheimer's.....So she lived with us.
I had been laid off so took care of her on days and wife did in the evenings.
My mother had a miriad of complications from this, but we managed.
Then my wife lost her job. I had a small breakdown.
My mother had a pacemaker installed and coded on the operating table.
But doctor revived her.
My wife got involved in fanatical religion. I had another breakdown.
I had night terrors....would wake up early in the morning shaking and not know why.
My wife and I had more and more conflicts about her religious practices.
My 50th birthday came and went without anyone noticing. This really hurt me.
My wife was becoming obsessed with religion as my mother became more feeble.
My wife began leaving home whenever there was an argument.
I knew the more she did this, the easier it would be in the future.
I was right.
Finally she took off and ran to her mother in Florida.
Little did I realize at the time.....her mother was behind this new religious fanaticism.
She inflicted it on my wife's two sisters. They got divorced too.
I divorced my wife from advice I got from others.
My divorce was final on a June Monday......and my mom died two days later.
She died in my arms as I was trying to save her with 911 operator and CPR.
I lost it.
My mother was the last member of a large family that died out over a 20 year time span.
I found myself, no wife, no family, no job, no life.
I dealt with two sets of attorneys and their fees (again with no income).
Dispersion of possessions for wife.
Mother made me executor of her estate, which was almost nothing but a house.
I couldn't take care of my own place, much less a second house.
I gave the house away......as it was so out of date.....it cost more to update than it was worth.
I was going through my mothers papers and discovered I was adopted!
Wow.....the family I was so proud to belong to was not mine.
Don't bother to contradict. I don't feel the way you would about it.
I was devastated and still am to this day.
I have no family, no friends.....the doctor said I really needed the support of family and friends
with the conditions I exhibited.
But I'm out of luck.
Life was so wonderful......and in a couple of years.....it was all gone.
Anything that meant something to me was gone. I cannot cope with it.
I sleep too much as an escape. I'm easily irritated. I wake up sad or mad for no reason.
My good dreams break my heart. My bad dreams disturb me for a day or two.
Yesterday a swallow hit the window on my house. I went out and held it for a half hour, not
knowing if it would die or recover. The longer it lived....the higher my hopes.
But it opened its mouth really wide as if to scream.....but made no sound.
It died. Of heart failure I believe. Internal bleeding.
I cried for several hours. I buried it. Prayed for it.
That's how fragile I am.
I am not under any care now. The psychiatrist feels money is far more important than
quality of any individuals life. Again, don't contradict.....you don't feel as I do about it.
That's about it. Days just go by without any meaning. I don't go outside unless to mow grass.
No one visits, no one calls.
No one cares. And a forum is not caring as a human needs real contact, real help.
I'm really dead......my physiology just doesn't know it yet.
I had such a wonderful life, wonderful wife and family. I lost most everything in a very short time.
My mother had leukemia and Alzheimer's.....So she lived with us.
I had been laid off so took care of her on days and wife did in the evenings.
My mother had a miriad of complications from this, but we managed.
Then my wife lost her job. I had a small breakdown.
My mother had a pacemaker installed and coded on the operating table.
But doctor revived her.
My wife got involved in fanatical religion. I had another breakdown.
I had night terrors....would wake up early in the morning shaking and not know why.
My wife and I had more and more conflicts about her religious practices.
My 50th birthday came and went without anyone noticing. This really hurt me.
My wife was becoming obsessed with religion as my mother became more feeble.
My wife began leaving home whenever there was an argument.
I knew the more she did this, the easier it would be in the future.
I was right.
Finally she took off and ran to her mother in Florida.
Little did I realize at the time.....her mother was behind this new religious fanaticism.
She inflicted it on my wife's two sisters. They got divorced too.
I divorced my wife from advice I got from others.
My divorce was final on a June Monday......and my mom died two days later.
She died in my arms as I was trying to save her with 911 operator and CPR.
I lost it.
My mother was the last member of a large family that died out over a 20 year time span.
I found myself, no wife, no family, no job, no life.
I dealt with two sets of attorneys and their fees (again with no income).
Dispersion of possessions for wife.
Mother made me executor of her estate, which was almost nothing but a house.
I couldn't take care of my own place, much less a second house.
I gave the house away......as it was so out of date.....it cost more to update than it was worth.
I was going through my mothers papers and discovered I was adopted!
Wow.....the family I was so proud to belong to was not mine.
Don't bother to contradict. I don't feel the way you would about it.
I was devastated and still am to this day.
I have no family, no friends.....the doctor said I really needed the support of family and friends
with the conditions I exhibited.
But I'm out of luck.
Life was so wonderful......and in a couple of years.....it was all gone.
Anything that meant something to me was gone. I cannot cope with it.
I sleep too much as an escape. I'm easily irritated. I wake up sad or mad for no reason.
My good dreams break my heart. My bad dreams disturb me for a day or two.
Yesterday a swallow hit the window on my house. I went out and held it for a half hour, not
knowing if it would die or recover. The longer it lived....the higher my hopes.
But it opened its mouth really wide as if to scream.....but made no sound.
It died. Of heart failure I believe. Internal bleeding.
I cried for several hours. I buried it. Prayed for it.
That's how fragile I am.
I am not under any care now. The psychiatrist feels money is far more important than
quality of any individuals life. Again, don't contradict.....you don't feel as I do about it.
That's about it. Days just go by without any meaning. I don't go outside unless to mow grass.
No one visits, no one calls.
No one cares. And a forum is not caring as a human needs real contact, real help.
I'm really dead......my physiology just doesn't know it yet.
