Tired Of Constant Work

[Deleted member 34328]

I find that with PTSD, there is constant work to be done. Just getting through everyday life can be a challenge. With a good therapist, we're taught many different coping tools, strategies to deal with the stressors that pop up.

I get tired of always dealing with anxiety and the stressors & triggers. Going through the exercises to lower my levels. I know it's necessary, but it seems like a never ending job. In my opinion, PTSD is an emotional disorder much more so than logic. Logic tells what reality is, PTSD causes an emotional reaction to what is being faced at the time. Flashing you back to the trauma itself. Often reliving the events even if they are x number of months, years in the past.

My husband is Mr. Logic himself. Can't relate or wants to try to put himself in my shoes. He has verbalized his indifference. He's about focus on reality and respond accordingly. Get fixed. I try to accept that - most of the time, but I still have to do the work. I'm seeing a therapist, so unless I'm willing to learn and apply what he's teaching me, I'm wasting my money. I'm just tired of it all. I'm begining to fall into a place where I'm not necessarily applying the helps I know I have and usually do work. My kids need me, housework, husband - it takes time to do the breathing exercises. Relaxation techniques...etc... I need the space and quiet to work through these things. I'm willing, just tired of it.

Does anyone else feel that way?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm sure my response won't be a popular With some/ most likely many people here. I totally get where your husband is coming from. Honestly I do. I sometimes think that when PTSD hits, logic flies out the window. Why??? I think it has to do with anxiety, panic, paranoia and all of the other not so lovely symptoms that can occur with PTSD. It's almost like they over take logic.

I used to do the same thing when I was in full PTSD/symptom mode. I became a Debbie downer, the what if syndrome hit, worried about everything and things that possibly could happen. And more. All unfounded, all illogical thoughts.

Maybe your husband isn't really trying to be hard on you, but rather trying to give you a "better" and IMO healthier way to look at things.

 

[sun seeker]

My husband is Mr. Logic himself. Can't relate or wants to try to put himself in my shoes. He has verbalized his indifference. He's about focus on reality and respond accordingly.

Maybe it would help to give him something to read on what is happening in the brain when a person with PTSD is triggered? You're absolutely right, and there are scientific reasons why logic won't help. The parts of the brain that think logically aren't available when we're triggered. I don't have a handy link for you, but I'm sure there is something you could find on the internet. If he likes logic, maybe he'd like a logical reason why logic isn't helpful at certain times? I don't know, trying to explain this to people who didn't already know has yet to work for me, but if this is your husband, you'll want to keep trying until it works.

 

[sun seeker]

I sometimes think that when PTSD hits, logic flies out the window. Why??? I think it has to do with anxiety, panic, paranoia and all of the other not so lovely symptoms that can occur with PTSD. It's almost like they over take logic.

They do. Trying harder to be logical won't work. That's why we talk about the amygdala hijacking the brain. We need to use bottom-up approaches (like breathing exercises for instance) to bring the brain out of sympathetic arousal first, before logic is going to get through. Using logic when we aren't able to take it in is kind of like shouting reeeeeeally loudly at a person who is 100% deaf. It won't work. Because it can't.

This is a good thing when we are actually fighting off a wild animal. When there is an immediate threat, we want to bypass logic and react as quickly as possible. We don't want to have to take the time to think: "Hm... here is a wild animal about to attack me. Now I wonder, is it as dangerous as the one I fought off last week? Maybe I should observe the situation for a while first. Would this escape route be better, or that one? Well..." No, we want our brains to jump to the closest possible information available and ACT to get the beast away, or ourselves away from the beast. That's why nature developed the fight, flight or freeze mechanism.

The only problem is our traumatized brains go into this mode when they don't need to. But once it's happening is an exceptionally bad time to try to explain this to ourselves. We need to speak the language of the part of the brain that is active. That's not logic.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I don't think your response is horrible or wrong @She Cat . I do think that at some point, with the help of a therapist, past tense needs to be just that. Logic does have a place and my husband has been helpful in the past when I started working on 'thought record charts' He was a huge help in taking my automatic thought and putting in a realistic answer. As a result, I've slowly been learning and applying a lot "self-talk" doing exactly that, just without the need for a chart to be in front of me.

I just find all this stuff - since it's an ongoing process (4 years now) to be tiring. I do have to struggle through high levels of anxiety and flashbacks, nightmares. I know the coping tools and am good at applying them (thankfully) just tired of it since it's pretty much an almost all day all the time effort.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

True @sun seeker . It 100% won't work. My husband was very interested in the hows and whys the brain works the way it does. The logic side of him. He looked up all the info he could find on the topic. Even bought a book about PTSD. He was my protector and rock when all this started. He's just tired of it now that's been 4 years and frustrated with the whole thing. He can't understand why it can take so long. He just wants me fixed so that our life can get back to normal. Please don't get me wrong. I hate the idea of "husband bashing". He's not a bad guy. Things have just changed a lot between us since all this is going on.

I hope that if anything happens to him, I would go the distance in supporting him, but I realize that 4 years is a long time. I don't know what I'd do in his shoes. All I know is that I've come a long ways in the healing journey, but there are still demons to be faced and they aren't small. They can't be fixed just because you want them to be. Yes, I'm very emotional when reminded of these things. Logic does go out the window. That's very frustrating for him.

 

[sun seeker]

Well... I don't know why it takes so long, but sometimes it does. I'd venture to say usually, it does. At any rate, the reasons why logic won't work are still reasons. His frustration isn't going to change that.

He has a right to get frustrated, but it isn't going to help. Maybe he needs some time to destress? Something like jogging comes to mind. Or meditation? He's going to need reserves if he's in this for the long haul. PTSD does take time, and he needs to understand that that isn't your fault.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@stp2012 it is what makes the difference between surviving and thriving. For me the logical/thinking part is not the problem. I am extremely intelligent. The problem is the emotional part that is a mess. What helps me a lot is doing EMDR and somatic/experiential work. This helps to resolve the memories and negative cognitions instead of coping with them. I understand you, when I was coping life seemed dreadful and exhausting. Now, as memories are being resolved I feel better more energetic and driven. (FYI, I've been in therapy about 1.5 year) I still have lots of work to do but I feel optimistic about my future. So try a different approach in therapy. For me talk therapy doesn't work at all. It does not help me.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Thank you @sun seeker you get it.

This is purely an ignorance question on my part @UniversalBeing ... please don't laugh... what is EMDR? It's referred to all the time and I don't know what it is.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

OMG! EMDR is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy. It actually changes the brain. The negative emotions and cognitions associated with the traumatic events are gone. Also, the most important part is that experienced the benefits of it first hand. It looks a bit like hocus pocus when first encountered and I was skeptical. However, it is scientifically validated and the number one therapy (along exposure therapy) recommended for PTSD treatment.
Dead Link Removed

Since you've already done a lot of work on coping strategies you might be a good candidate for EMDR. I highly recommend it. Though it is a challenging work and very exhausting.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree about having gone through EMDR myself and it totally set me free from the haunting and tormented reviving of the unresolved traumas in my life which had completely over took me so much that it was a battle every single day for me and now it is all gone. My life changed for the better and I was so terrified of doing it yet it was one of the best choices I have made in my PTSD life.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

OMG! EMDR is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy. It actually changes the brai...

Ok. I feel silly now. I'm very familiar with it. Just didn't recognize the acronym. My therapist did bring it up, but I'm actually not a candidate for it. I have generalized epilepsy and in particular am photosensitive. Using that method would most definitely be problematic.