Constant tiredness from depression

[Rorster93]

My depression took a dive last week. I am always tired. Even when I'm not tired, I'm tired. I envy people who get sick because all that is expected of them is to rest, eat and watch TV. If that is what heaven is like, I hope I get there one day.

My constant tiredness, not wanting to do anything quite frankly got on my last nerves which, I think, triggered my mood dive. My boyfriend pokes at me playfully but I get mad because I tell him to stop he doesn't stop. And then he gets mad at me because I don't want him touching me. I tell him I'm irritated but it goes right over his head. Sometimes I think about my one bedroom apartment where I used to live alone and I could home without there being anyone there to judge me for not doing the dishes or folding the laundry. I can mind my own business, do my job and live peacefully in my filfth!

My brother and my boyfriend are mad at me. My brother is mad at me because I told him off for breaking up with his girlfriend. I wish I could tell my boyfriend how I feel but he doesn't understand and how can I expect him to. I feel alone.

My antidepressants don't seem to work well all the time, but I don't want to take anymore medicine than I already do.

I work full time and am a student full time. I take of two dogs, a cat and two rabbits which require constant cleaning but I love them so it's what I signed up for.

I'm just tired of being tired. I'm tired of being ugly and fat. I'm tired if not wanting to shower then feeling disgusted with myself because I don't shower.

 

[SjMel]

My depression took a dive last week. I am always tired. Even when I'm not tired, I'm tired. I envy people who get sick because all that is expected of them is to rest, eat and watch TV. If that is what heaven is like, I hope I get there one day.

My constant tiredness, not wanting to do anything quite frankly got on my last nerves which, I think, triggered my mood dive. My boyfriend pokes at me playfully but I get mad because I tell him to stop he doesn't stop. And then he gets mad at me because I don't want him touching me. I tell him I'm irritated but it goes right over his head. Sometimes I think about my one bedroom apartment where I used to live alone and I could home without there being anyone there to judge me for not doing the dishes or folding the laundry. I can mind my own business, do my job and live peacefully in my filfth!

My brother and my boyfriend are mad at me. My brother is mad at me because I told him off for breaking up with his girlfriend. I wish I could tell my boyfriend how I feel but he doesn't understand and how can I expect him to. I feel alone.

My antidepressants don't seem to work well all the time, but I don't want to take anymore medicine than I already do.

I work full time and am a student full time. I take of two dogs, a cat and two rabbits which require constant cleaning but I love them so it's what I signed up for.

I'm just tired of being tired. I'm tired of being ugly and fat. I'm tired if not wanting to shower then feeling disgusted with myself because I don't shower.

I'll say this, I understand what you are going through. I am right there except I am alone in my filth and it's better to be in a position where you are held accountable in part to clean up because, if you are alone then one day you wake up with a mess that is near impossible for you to clean up yourself without help.

Here's what I am telling myself...

Baby steps

Do what you can and what remains be kind to yourself.

Treat yourself how you want others to treat you.

It gets better

...

Not sure if that helps but it helps me.

 

[Rorster93]

I'll say this, I understand what you are going through. I am right there except I am alone in my filth and it's better to be in a position where you are held accountable in part to clean up because, if you are alone then one day you wake up with a mess that is near impossible for you to clean up yourself without help.

This is kind of why I have a job. If I don't have a regular 9 to 5 day job, I will literally make myself go insane because I would sleep all day every day and speak to no one. The only time I talk to people is when I go to work, and of course the occasional conversation with my bf who is also very busy.

That, and no one is willing to pay my bills for me.

Then I retreat back to my happy place watching my comfort show alone surrounded by my animals and no people.

 

[SjMel]

This is kind of why I have a job. If I don't have a regular 9 to 5 day job, I will literally make myself go insane because I would sleep all day every day and speak to no one. The only time I talk to people is when I go to work, and of course the occasional conversation with my bf who is also very busy.

That, and no one is willing to pay my bills for me.

Then I retreat back to my happy place watching my comfort show alone surrounded by my animals and no people.

I haven't been able to work since my accident a little over a year ago. I don't have a 9-5 job. I haven't been able to work since my accident a little over a year ago. I have spent the better part of this last year in bed. I am more isolated then I was before the accident.

I can confirm, having a job, a 9-5 job or doing something that gives you a sense of purpose is a good thing.

There are times I feel I am ready to get back to work and other times I can barely get out of bed. I have recently been diagnosed with a heart condition called LongQT. I have always had it but with all the stresses and the accident, my symptoms have worsened. So, there are times my heart condition makes it impossible for me to do anything. Half the time I even get my groceries delivered because I can't even get myself to and from the grocery store.

 

[Rorster93]

I haven't been able to work since my accident a little over a year ago. I don't have a 9-5 job. I haven't been able to work since my accident a little over a year ago. I have spent the better part of this last year in bed. I am more isolated then I was before the accident.

I can confirm, having a job, a 9-5 job or doing something that gives you a sense of purpose is a good thing.

There are times I feel I am ready to get back to work and other times I can barely get out of bed. I have recently been diagnosed with a heart condition called LongQT. I have always had it but with all the stresses and the accident, my symptoms have worsened. So, there are times my heart condition makes it impossible for me to do anything. Half the time I even get my groceries delivered because I can't even get myself to and from the grocery store.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

[Rorster93]

I sound like such an a**hole smh

 

[arfie]

Baby steps

Do what you can and what remains be kind to yourself.

Treat yourself how you want others to treat you.

It gets better

this is quite similar to what i tell myself. in addition, i do gratitude lists and try to treat others like i wish they would treat me. no expectations. just hoping. . .

This is kind of why I have a job. If I don't have a regular 9 to 5 day job, I will literally make myself go insane

ditto for me. since retirement, keeping myself busy has been my number one challenge. in my case, sleep is not so readily available and idle hands really are the devil's workshop. i love it when i can sleep through my depressions, but i more often just drive myself crazier.

 

[Rorster93]

ditto for me. since retirement, keeping myself busy has been my number one challenge. in my case, sleep is not so readily available and idle hands really are the devil's workshop. i love it when i can sleep through my depressions, but i more often just drive myself crcrazier.

I'm a ways away from retirement but I have feeling that's going to be another beast to master. Maybe doing something for animals or gardening. Or wasting away and waiting for death's sweet kiss. I'm just kidding, not suicidal by any means but sometimes when I listen to near death experiences I feel like dying wouldn't be such a big deal. Really it's not a big deal because everyone will die one day. It's as universal as being born or a bowel movement. And then tomorrow, I will feel petrified of dying.

I digress. I dislike myself when I get in these states. I become so self-centered and self-absorbed. My bf told me last night he knew I was in a slump and was trying to cheer me up. I told him he couldn't and he said he doesn't know what to do for me then or how to help me. I told him to just be next to me and that I don't have all the answers on how to resolve this. But in my head, I told myself next time I will communicate with him what I need in the moment because he understood I was irritable when I told him. So I am going to add to it my need from him next time I feel this way.

 

[arfie]

I dislike myself when I get in these states. I become so self-centered and self-absorbed.

ditto here, to the point where i have trouble trusting anybody who could be stupid enough to like the likes of me. love me? please keep your mask on and increase your social distance, pervert! ! ! i feel like centering my attention on anybody but myself would be a threat to public safety. may i absorb myself to non-existence.

springing from there, self-esteem exercises are my most effective therapy tool for the phenom. the tools work when i work them.

god, please grant me patience. NOW, GODDAMNIT! ! !

 

[MariJane]

I also struggle with constant depression fatigue. It’s so frustrating. I also have zero appetite, which makes me feel even more sluggish. I have dogs to care for as well, and they are the center of my universe but I do get drained. I don’t have any words of wisdom, other than getting sunshine and giving yourself time. Go for short walks.

 

[Rorster93]

I want to provide an update. My doctor changed my birth control to one that is used in treating pmdd and told me to start taking my hydroxyzine every day for my panic attacks. I stopped taking hydroxyzine every day a whole back because it caused me to have dreams that just got worse and worse. Well, I am giving it another shot and, even tho it's harder to get up in the mornings, once I do I am more energized! I actually am cleaning the house (still not being too hard on myself) and am looking into buying a house plant. I am not looking forward to school after spring break but once summer break comes around, maybe I'll pay someone to teach me piano. Idk, I just have energy now. And I'm wondering if it is because of the hydroxyzine. Have I not been getting good sleep this whole time I thought I was?

 

[Rorster93]

Update ii: I might have spoken too soon about having more energy. Didn't get out of bed until 1:30pm yesterday and I cleaned as much as I could. Today, I just want to rot. The feeling of wanting to rot is still there as usual. My dreams are coming back again. They are about my abuser forcing his disgusting self on me. Because I had no choice I made myself believe I was attracted to him. But, since being free, I realized what I am actually attracted to and its not him. I tell him that in my dream. He's so disgusting. Then I dreamt he owned my dog and I was crying, upset that I had to leave my dog because I had to leave him. After waking up. I realized my dog actually belonged to my current boyfriend so I didn't have to worry about losing him. My abuser loved taking from me and controlling me. That asshole. I'm glad he's dead.