How To Cope With Losing Time Please....

[C.M]

I have returned to counselling and today I had my third session. It was an intense hour. I did my best to remain grounded yet was dissociating from feelings as I had to brief her on outline of traumas and was aware I had been up since 5am, little sleep and was feeling a little stressed with here and now day to day issues.
I walked out of her office and I knew I was going to the library (safe place and relaxing, grounding) yet four hours later I "came to" in same area (not library) and looked at the time, disorientated and wondering what the heck has happened, what have I been doing. No memory. I did recall I was at her office, orientated myself and walked back to the front of the building, called a taxi and Safely got home. I was in tears when I walked in the door. I have not experienced such lengthy dissociation for a while and it has been even longer with having no memory of what happened during this time. Overload perhaps? Unknown triggers? I do not wish to "go backwards" yet I am scared. I am worried this may add to social isolation as in adding fear in going out or perhaps minimising, preventing speaking of traumas face to face (history of indirect threats from offenders).
Do others experience this and any supportive thoughts please?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I experience time loss because of dissociation. I have DID and it's hard sometimes. I went shopping this morning and meant it to be a quick in and out trip, but an hour passed and barely knew what I'd been doing, but at least I had been in the store. The library is one of my "safer" places to go to to calm and ground as well.

When I was at an in-patient facility, they had me keep track of lost time. I had a chart and I would mark whether I had no idea what I had been doing when I lost time, if I was completely present, and if I had lost time, but then was able to figure out what had happened. It helped me find some patterns and, therefore, be able to put some preventative skills in place beforehand (prn, grounding, orienting, mindfulness).

Also, I would definitely say that having to speak about your trauma is probably super hard and maybe it was too much today so your brain just needed to escape. It's scary, but to your mind it felt safer. Hope some of this helps you.

 

[C.M]

Absoulutely helps, thankyou. Great support and much appreciated. I am not the only one who finds the library a good place to be. :-)
(having a quiet next few days will allso help; body is a little knackered/fatigue, much walking must have happened in those hours)

 

[Freedomfighter]

I have returned to counselling and today I had my third session. It was an intense hour. I did my best to r...

Yeah, we do lose a lot of time from this disease, that is for sure. But then other diseases are like that too. We have to take the time to treat the disease.... I know, not fun.

 

[Sideways]

This is always a pretty awful (if not frightening) experience and far more dysfunctional (as in, makes it crazy hard to function even close to normally) for me. And yeah, my switching and losing time definitely gets worse when therapy is getting a bit too much.

I find a lot of relief in staying organised, ans keeping lists. My daily diary is my lifeline, and every significant task gets listed and literally ticked off as soon as it's done. Every day.

It sounds obsessive. But I found it just became habit pretty quickly. Armed with my diary, I can always tell if I've gotten the important stuff done (did I pay that bill? No need to stress, I've ticked it off) and it's really helpful with filling in a lot of the missing time. Even though I might not remember what happened yesterday, being able to check my diary alleviates a lot of the stress of the unknown.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

having a quiet next few days will allso help; body is a little knackered/fatigue, much walking must have happened in those hours)

You may have been in one place, and still you may feel fatigued because when the mind goes through so much, our bodies have to deal with it, too, and often become tired and need that recuperating time. Having a few quiet days sounds like a good plan though either way.

 

[Lotis]

I have returned to counselling and today I had my third session.

@C.M Did you take a long break from therapy? Personally, when I started therapy again after a long break it was really tough. I was dissociating constantly because I like you had to fill my therapist in on my history and trauma etc. Going back to therapy was triggering for me in itself but then to start talking albeit lightly about my traumas was even worse. It may feel like you are going from Ok to worse for awhile because of everything that is coming up. My advice is to take it slow....I mean very slow. That was my mistake - I went too fast and it was a disaster ended up losing my therapist (her issues not mine) and now I am without one again.
Just breathe and try to stay grounded as much as you can.
~L

 

[C.M]

Reading all your thoughts and experiences it is reassurring, breathing sigh of relief. Thanking you all.
I felt I was going "backwards" yet I need to keep reaffirming No I am not, yet I need to be aware as best.
I have only had short term (weeks or months) counselling over the years. Challenges and futher traumas added to inconsistent lengthy time in any counselling (this includes significant previous trust issues with medical professionals and those "in power").
The new affirmation: there is strength and courage in returning to counselling and yes, this needs to slow down a little as far as the intenseness in sessions goes. Safety comes first at this point in time and the day to day living need not be overwhelmed by weekly therapy (this is important as I am socially isolated; few physical supports). I will speak with her on this next session.
(biggest fear is coming undone/fracturing again after a fair bit of integration and usually aware of what is happening within)

 

[Coffee]

@C.M : I had this issue some years ago, and I started having a notebook in my bag, in which I and my alters wrote where we went / what we did / whom we meet. Though, this need some inner cooperation with parts / alters. I don't know if you have that kind of cooperation inside. Otherwise, it could be a good start talking inside to these parts / alters who ends up taking up your time. Don't know if this helps you, but I recongnize myself in what you wrote about.