Sufferer Hello :)

[Cali4nia]

Hi All!

Just wanted to introduce myself. I am a 41 year young mother of three young boys. I escaped a horribly abusive 5 year relationship 3 years ago. Most of the abuse was extreme psychological but he did become physical as well at times, but was careful to not leave anything visible. He was also abusive emotionally and psychologically to the children. After we left I became a victim of him Gaslighting me. After I obtained a protection order things died down a bit and once I had a sense of calm my head started racing and I felt like a complete lunatic. I was diagnosed with PTSD as well as my two oldest children. I have been undergoing EMDR for treatment, which does work extremely well, until he does something else and then I am triggered again.

I look forward to exploring this site and meet people. Thank you for being here :) xx

 

[trying2movefwd]

Sorry for all you have been through. I also was a victim of domestic violence. I hope you find it as helpful as I have here.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum. :hug:

 

[Ka-9]

Welcome fellow Canuck- so very glad you had courage/strength to leave, here's to much better future's.

 

[intothelight]

@Cali4nia Welcome and I hope you find this site helpful!:)

 

[StacyD]

Hi Cali, I am a new member, too. I am 54 now and my 3 sons are now out on their own. I have had three 'narcissistic' relationships with men + it also runs in my family (not my kids). Just recently, I was 'disowned' because I can no longer be another's punching bag. You did the right thing by leaving despite how hard it is.
I left my marriage when I was 25...with a 2 year old and pregnant with the 2nd. ..it was both physical and psychological. I picked myself up, out of necessity for my kids. Though I only had a grade 10 education, I managed to get my RN diploma when it was still a 2 year course (25 years ago :). I wish I could tell you. ..and then we all lived happily ever after but not quite. I picked another unhealthy partner and entered an 18 year relationship of chaos and a different kind of abuse - passive aggressive addict. We also have a son. I finally ended my codependency with this guy. Doesn't stop there. ..I just ended a 6 year relationship with yet another 'rager'.
I have so many things to be proud of yet these 3 people + 25 years of bedside nursing has left me with several depression, anxiety, and/or what I guess is called complex PTSD.
Please take care of yourself and start to learn why you choose the codependency role. There is nothing to be ashamed of and in fact, to this day, I would rather have feelings then to be so wounded, feelings don't count. Which is what the opposite of codependent.
Despite my success as a RN (ended career with 7 years of university) I still allowed people to use me as their personal punching bag.
I will not allow this anymore. It is very risky when you put your foot down. I come from a family of 6 and now only have a brother who will talk to me. My mom/dad, brother/family, sister(severe alzheimers)/husband. ..etc. have pretty much told me I am not trying hard enough to get better. While this is all very difficult and my experience is much like yours, I refuse to believe their nonsense. It is really important to understand people who are nasty are dealing ineffectively and strike out blaming others for what they cannot 'fix' in themselves. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. ...I repeat, it is not you and the part of you that feels consumed by all the ridulous accusations and harm inflicted is just a tiny part of the real you.
When I had to deal with the kid's father, I tried to have as little to do with him. Family maintenance took care of getting my child support. Fortunately, I lived 4 hours away and he was too lazy to have regular contact. This is a blessing in disguise. Kids do not need this type of father (I refuse to call him a 'dad') we only think it is important. Keep the kids out of it, as much as possible! Give them age appropriate answers. You will get through this. ..I am living proof :)
When emotions is raw and your resilience is '0' it is easy to forget all the good stuff. I have to literally tell myself, 'you're doing great, Stace. ..tough as nails' :) when I find enjoyment, I try to cement this reminder in to my psyche. Best wishes xo

 

[aut555]

Hi All!

Just wanted to introduce myself. I am a 41 year young mother of three young boys. I escaped...

Going through the same. Was gaslighted for 18 years. My soon ex is bpd, npd. We are still in divorce mode since two years. I am older which is good and bad. Lol. Anyways if you want to vent, l am here, and understand. Mine was psychological with some domestic violence but he is afraid of losing his job so he had to be covert. I stood up to him but that made matters worse for me. Finally broke away from addiction of cycle and l feel more content.

 

[Ann Barry]

Hi All!

Just wanted to introduce myself. I am a 41 year young mother of three young boys. I escaped...

Sorry about the abuse/trauma & it's after-effects. Glad EMDR is working. Will you tell me your experience w/ emdr ?

 

[rosey]

Hi.
Was glad to here positive results about emdr as I am starting it on monday so thank you for that and welcome.