Our Value

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @joeylittle I am the same.

I will look it up, thank you. :hug:

 

[aut555]

Never have had value based on relationship status. Maybe that's why l live my life very long on my own. It's sad to me to see that to off someone in a third world country, their value can be a measly paltry sum. Feel my value is based on that we are all connected. Just at this site, l don't know you but some of us have connected and leave better for it finding value in the connect. It is selfish for me but l want to leave the world a slightly better place before l leave. Yes, l base my value on that. I want to tell that child they are special, even though their mother yells everyday at them. I talked last night to my friend not to allow abusive men back, she confided some serious abuse she encountered. So to step out of myself and give value to others helps me feel connected and lol, valuable.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's the opposite of selfish @aut555 . :inlove:

Well I just mean in the sense if the ship is sinking, or there's limited rations, or or or,- the people who have family/ spouses/ children/ are loved-> them first.

I understand . Pretty soon it becomes, "what abuse?" (ie what does it matter with no value), not even identified as a problem. I learned today in fact, 'medium sized' problems = mean asking for help, let alone big ones. I suppose too SI etc is likely 'large' -? Anyway, it's all news to me. Even that, I suppose feels like no value= no right to (ask)..

Thank you. I'm sorry if I've contributed to anyone feeling like they have less value, reading this stuff. :(

 

[aut555]

I think that's the opposite of selfish @aut555 . :inlove:

Well I just mean in the se...

Think this is a great question, because it cuts to the core. It made me stop and evaluate.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think I understand.

The value is, we are all children (regardless of age).

And we should treat ourselves with the forgiveness, gentleness, of such, too. :notworthy:

 

[Tinyflame]

Because I have been thinking, for me it wouldn't be the minimal amount of care @Ragdoll Circus mentioned , I would give the same care (if they accepted it. Mind you, that's what I do.)

And also why, when we love we love someone as they are.

I think I get it! :wideeyed: :) :notworthy:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Where does our value come from if we are not valuable to others?

So are you asking value of ourselves? Or in general what we value? Maybe the same. I value honesty and im super honest. I value kindness and I try to be kind and help anyone I can, if I can, even if they dislike me. I value empathy and im very empathetic. I value acceptance of everyone regardless of color, issues, etc and I do.

But I see not value in myself or worth, which to me is the same thing. Something valuable is worth a lot. So i dont see that in myself at all. A lot of it is because others, including my family, also see me as worthless and lacking value. The easy answer of where to find self value is yourself but to do that im finding diffcult. It is were self value should come from, its just diffcult to do.

Im working on learning to find attibutes which I think will end in learning self value.

No sure if i answered that at all.

 

[Tinyflame]

@lostforgottensoul yes

I see not value in myself or worth, which to me is the same thing. Something valuable is worth a lot. So i dont see that in myself at all. A lot of it is because others, including my family, also see me as worthless and lacking value

I too. But as @She Cat said:

Just because we have had bad or horrible things happen to us, does not mean that we have no value. We do, more than most for what we've been through.

I think your values & adopting them (honesty, kindness, empthy, acceptance etc) are obviously very valuable, just as @joeylittle was saying, therefore you must be valuble because those qualities need a person or channel or they don't exist- you create them in essence by your being.

I am meaning something more basic, as @Ragdoll Circus said a baby is valuable because they represent hope. Well, I myself may not represent hope, but I think anyone of sound mind would agree children are of value or have value, & should be treated with kindness. What I'm meaning is even if we feel like a 1000 years old, that's young if compared to what- a millon years? It's relative. A brilliant doctor said the same thing- take along a picture of yourself as a baby he said, & when someone treats you like cr*p pull out the photo & say "Isn't (s)he cute? -That's me." In other words remember the diginity or gentleness you'd expect any child-yourself- to be treated with. So whether we think of ourselves as a child of God, the Universe, or simply remember we are the same child we began with, maybe that drives home the reality of 'value'. ('Child' not meaning 'childish'),

I think there is often talk of forgiving ourselves for what happened as children, the focus being on ~since we were a child we should look back with self-compassion, look t other children, etc. But actually we are a child, & should look at ourselves (& forgive ourselves) with that same perspective. Because too, our knowledge & awareness (lack of), or understanding of even ourselves is really pretty limited. We're a great part a mystery. You see that caring for seniors & palliative care- what they mean by the older we get the less we know (or we realize we don't know), & if all goes well the last short time of our lives we will be quite childlike (even if we keep our 'marbles'). Not physically, though that is frequently there too, I mean rather in a heart/ open/ perspective/ focus way.

I think Einstein said if he had 1 hour to solve a problem he would spend 55 minutes thinking of the problem & 5 on the solution. In other words, less judgment more attempts at understanding. Maybe that same concept can be applied when sizing up our own 'worth'?

:hug:

 

[Sideways]

@Junebug - phwoar! It's going to take a while to get my head around that. But it makes me think - an old T got me to dig out photos of me when I was 12, so I could see that I was an innocent child when I was abused. Naturally, my self-loathing found a way to dump that exercise on its head.

But I have a couple of photos of me when I was a baby. At least, mum swears it's me. Thing is, you can't really tell, because babies kinda all look the same (can you tell I'm not a mum!?)

Maybe, like you said, my T should've told me to go back further than 12, and pick out photos of me when I was a baby. Exactly because I look like any other baby. And, maybe I'm weird, but babies are hard for me to look at without accepting: yes, that baby is innocent, and valuable to the world.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Ragdoll Circus & to be honest 12 for me felt like =not a child at all, more like a 'senior' lol, forgot that until you said it. There are no photos of me, maybe 1 or 2 & of those 1 I have no idea where I put it, though I do recall it. There weren't many but years ago I threw them out 'de-cluttering' ( semi-sub-conscious-SI-planning. :rolleyes: )

Haha well I do think babies look different? :confused: :p I know I was smaller at one than most kids, & that when you're born with brown eyes they start navy blue for 3 or 4 days. :tup: Drats that would have been cool to keep. :)

:hug:

 

[joeylittle]

Maybe, like you said, my T should've told me to go back further than 12, and pick out photos of me when I was a baby. Exactly because I look like any other baby.

Side note - you really should do this. I don't have any pictures of myself, but there's one I remember very clearly, from when I was 6. I can remember that picture and it's confirmation that there was once a time in my existence when I was capable of being happy, and I was deserving of a good, full life. I have this reaction to kids in this age group no matter where I see them, when they are joyful. I think you realizing that you have nonjudgmental, totally accepting thoughts about babies is a big light bulb moment, and you should run with that.

Yes @Ragdoll Circus & to be honest 12 for me felt like =not a child at all, more like a 'senior' lol, forgot that until you said it.

Me too. That, for me, would be advanced acceptance. I'm still at acceptance 101.

 

[Rani G2]

@Junebug

As a child to feel selfvalue, it needs to be reflected by our parents or whoever brings us up, otherwise selfvalue is not internalized in our psyche. During time we have the capability to build up a foundation of selfworth that goes in to our substance. This is a long process, which also means to free ourselves from toxic people and family, which is not easy. To take care of myself, being responsible even if if others might not like us, gives us empowerment but it can be a tough road. But worth enough to give it a try.

I have to keep some thinking mechanisms in mind, if I get hurt, triggered, or if others criticise me. If I am aware of those feelings that take over, I try to give them space even if they seem negative, because then they loose their power. Every feeling that we avoid/suppress will make its way through, the more we avoid the harder it gets.If you accept it, it has a totally different quality. Even if this feeling is shameful I try (Doesnt mean I am good at this, but I try) to let it be, without judging.