How Do I Have The Courage To Tell My Friend I Failed Without Believing Im Nothing But A Failure?

[Justmehere]

I thought I could afford to buy my friends car for $500 today. It's worth much much more and they were basically giving it to me in order to have it off their hands. It works great and they were going to give me the title. They are reliable pastors who moved away and someone else dropped the ball with the car. I could really really use the car in a huge way.

I'm beginning to panic as I write this. Shit happened and I can't afford $500 today - not until Friday. The car is being held in an impound (I know this sounds like a sketch situation but it's not, I met with PD about it and everyone is legit and they are doing this partly to help me and them all out.)

I need to tell them very soon I thought I could afford it but can't yet until Friday.

They have someone else they can give the car too so they lose nothing.

It's been a rough few days and I just... I so want to tell them I can do this but I can't find any way to make it work today. There is a check in the mail to me right now to cover this...

I am not usually this broke but a lot of unexpected expenses have happened this month and I'm just happy I've survived. I feel so horrible even posting this - like I'm such a horrible failure...

I need to tell them I failed. I can't come through. And somehow not beleive I am a failure as a person. They are texting me and I can't seem to tell them or even respond. I'm used to having to admit failure all the time, this time is just getting to me unlike other times. I am usually good at only committing to what I can absolutely for sure do. It's not like me to make a commitment that I can't do - I'm that careful with commitments...

I'm making this worse and I'm stupidly beginning to dissociate.

Financially, on Friday, I'll be ok. But today? I can't do it. Not today. And the costs go up every day and I told them I could do this.

Stupid I am so stupid. I pay $500 a month for therapy - if I didn't have PTSD I would have been able to do this easily. I am working my way off disability - slowly but surely, but I'm not there yet to a better place financially. I hate all of this. If I didn't have PTSD I wouldn't be on disability and... ugh.

 

[Silver.]

I think not responding to their texts is worse than telling then you can't come through. I know it's hard, but try not to see yourself as a failure. You will have the money for the car, if they can wait a few more days. (just keep in mind, daily interest compounds when cars are at impound)
I know it is very upsetting, but I think it's important to talk to them and explain the situation honestly. They sound like compassionate people and they might be willing to make a compromise.
At least talk to them so they don't feel like they are getting the brush off, as that could have a negative impact on your friendship.
*sending you encouragement*

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Hate to give this a 'Like" - who "LIKES' this shit? Damn, if I could help I would. Any possibility you T could give you help for this short bridge to get this car?

Other concern is transfer of title. Bought a car that when tried to register had $2000 of parking fees and fines. I was then responsible even though had docs to show date of purchase etc. It was hell, getting that sorted. Why in impound. Check that there are NO others expenses, besides all the titel, registration fees which might then become your responsibility. Never knew that another owner's fines came with the purchase. Render unto Caesar….

 

[scout86]

Is there an online way to bail the car out, or does it need to be paid in person?

I wish I knew how many checks I've held for people over the years. I've never thought of anyone I've held a check for as a failure. Even when it became obvious that I wasn't going too get paid in the same year. Even when I decided to turn the loan into a gift, because I was tired of trying to keep track of the check. I don't see this as a failure. It's just a problem. If they're really your friends, it won't even be a problem. That comes under the "friends" job description.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not see you as stupid nor as a failure at all in any way. I understand that this is how you are feeling, but feelings are not facts.

I say to text them and explain the situation while you research to see if there are any more expenses in getting the title of the car.

Take a breath and go for it. I agree that not saying anything is a mistake in giving the wrong impression.

I wish you the very best in this situation and good luck in getting in touch with them.:hug:

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks all for the support and helping me think this through.

I have the notarized paperwork to transfer the car to my ownership when I pick it up and binding written agreement I will be given the title as soon as I pay the cost to pick it up.

The lot requires I pay in person cash or credit card. My mother offered to help through a square account - she was going to pay with her card to that account and then I could withdraw from it and go pay for the car - but she is in another country and suddenly has stopped responding... (I'm sure she's ok, just traveling and not checking email.) She gave me the info to be able to have $500 from her for any emergencies - but I dont borrow money from family... Because family. But she sent me her card info and authorization because I don't know my mother was worried. So her last email said to use the authorization she sent me 5 weeks ago, but because I'm stupid, I shredded it. I told her right away and asked if she could resend but she's off somewhere....

Because ya know. I don't know. I feel sick over being dependent on abusive family members... Argh.

I texted my friend and only said there has been a glitch and I'll get right back to her.

I just called the church I go to sometimes and I'm about to vomit. I admitted my struggle. They are asking their benevolence fund people...

I have to tell my friend I thought I had this and I suck I don't have it.

I'm sick about asking the church for help. But hey, I did admit I struggle to people that I don't care if they judge me or not. Now I just need to tell her.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Good for you for not giving up on this. Very couragous of you. I hear you about being dependent. You are going to be okay. I like you fine just the way you are, you have always inspired me to become a person.:hug:

 

[aut555]

Thanks all for the support and helping me think this through.

I have the notarized paperwork to tr...

It's when we don't ask for help, we get screwed up. I didn't seek therapy, and l messed up in my life but people helped me out because l was stalked about four years by a unknown man. Off track here, ask for help, please ask for help. It's ok to need help, it's part of life.

 

[scout86]

Something to consider is that helping people is considered, by many, to be a good thing to do. You are giving people the opportunity to do good. (And the price you're paying is a fair amount off discomfort.) I hope the church comes through for you!

 

[Silver.]

I was once told by a woman that if I don't accept her help, I am blocking her (will, ability, desire, calling...what have you) from doing for others. At first, I was a bit defensive thinking "well tough crap, I am stubborn, I am self sufficient, I don't need to hear her religious piece". But the more I thought about it, I realized, she, and others really did want to help. They really did feel called, for whatever reason, and they would feel like they had failed me, if I didn't accept.

I understand not wanting to borrow money from family, and why you shredded the information. But you were so brave to get over that lump of shame in your throat and call the church, because sometimes in life: pride, stubbornness, shame, all of that be damned, we need help.

I hope that they can come through for you, or that you hear from your mother. Getting this car would be such a help to you and so I will be sending you positive thoughts that this will work out for you, and that you can come to a calm acceptance that however the money comes through, it's the path intended for you x

 

[Justmehere]

I keep telling myself: even if I fail I'm not a failure I'm not a failure this is just crappy stuff happening.... I feel like I'm lying to myself.

I did a job interview just now. I think it went ok. It's for a small but much needed job. I keep checking my email every three seconds to see if anyone emails about the car.

I'm giving myself and everything another two hours to see if I can find a way. If nothing comes through, I'll let it go and tell them to pass it on to someone else. :(

 

[Silver.]

(keep in mind, usually when a Church offers assistance, they oftentimes have to meet with the people in charge of finances at the church, and that takes time)
Do you think it would even be a possibility, because of your friendship, that they would wait until Friday if you felt that things wouldn't come through? What if you explained to them you are running through a few options and that you are awaiting an answer, but you might need a few days? Do you think they would say that they couldn't wait that long?