"Professional organizer" therapist is coming to my mom's hoarded house. How should/do I tell her?

[ILoveLife]

Yay! I missed this post for some reason. So happy for you :hug:

 

[littleoc]

That’s okay! I always appreciate your input but I don’t expect it :)

And thank you :)

And thank you to the rest of you as well! :) :D

 

[littleoc]

Honestly, I am very worried about this now. I’m afraid of bring blamed and going mute — as I do with my mom — and having to just agree that it was my fault.

I am worried that I will have to do all the work, that my mom will say she can’t. I’m not sure how to challenge this

 

[littleoc]

She is already blaming me. She yelled at me for “covering the stove with mail” despite me having to say daily that I want to use the stove but can’t because she keeps refusing to go through her mail and overdue bills but also yells if I throw them away. She’s getting mad that my stuff is in her car, even though there is nowhere for me to put them and she also won’t take me to the storage unit anyway. I can’t drive alone.

I qm upset. I can’t clean this place for her. My dad used cleaning as a punishment. I can’t clean in here, but if I say that she’ll get mad at me also.

I just need to move out. But I can’t leave her here.

Edit: texted the hoarding therapist with my fears and a tiny backstory


Another edit: she texted back and says she understands, she also has PTSD and knows what to look for

That’s really comforting

 

[LuckiLee]

Ok. A couple of things grab my attention..... 1. If you were the parent would you blame your children for the mess?? Didn't think so! The therapist will acknowledge this. And 2. If mom doesn't make changes and take FULL responsibility? You HAVE to move out. And 3. You should move out anyways because that house and neighborhood is the source of your trauma. I don't think you can really heal there. Good luck tomorrow. I'm praying for all of you! XO

 

[littleoc]

Thank you for being the voice of reason today @LuckiLee <3

Also thank you for the luck :D

 

[Abstract]

Good luck good luck. It will inevitably be a bit messy but maybe that's OK? You are doing something big and it has to be done. That's the end. Has to happen. Glad t understands ptsd!

 

[Still Standing]

Littleoc, like Sietz, I just saw your posts. I am so proud of you!!!!! Having had a hoarder mom, as you know, there was no way my mom would have acknowledged her hoarding. Just knowing that your mom is expressing concern over the condition of the home is a huge step forward. You handled the situation wonderfully! And, just remember, you are not responsible for what your mom does or says. (Ha! I am just getting this into my thick skull, too. How my mom reacted to something is not for me to own.) Anyway, I totally "get" that your mom would deflect blame for some of the mess onto you. Sadly, I think I did some of this to my kids, in a much lesser degree. I know I did it as a sibling...I mean, what's a sister or brother for but to take the rap for something they did not do, in order to keep myself looking good? :laugh: Your mom's stress level is building, just as yours is, as you guys are on the verge of having the hoarding confronted. Let's hope that this is the opportunity for help that your mom needs and she will agree to letting someone come in and help her...and you. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Good luck good luck.

Thank you thank you :)

Has to happen. Glad t understands ptsd!

It does. Something’s gonna give.

And me too!! That will be very helpful.

I am so proud of you!!!!!

Thank you :):)

Just knowing that your mom is expressing concern over the condition of the home is a huge step forward.

I agree. I was also reminding my mom about it and she said to me, “Does she know how bad the house really is?” which makes me unsure if she’s the hoarder again but it does mean she knows the house is bad. My sister reported that she called it “condemnable” which means she knows we have to fix it.

Your mom's stress level is building, just as yours is, as you guys are on the verge of having the hoarding confronted.

Yeah, mine definitely is. And she’s up in her half playing video games (the 60-year-old version? Lol) at ten pm so I’d say that’s true. Gotta keep that in mind.

You handled the situation wonderfully!

Thank you :):)

And, just remember, you are not responsible for what your mom does or says. (Ha! I am just getting this into my thick skull, too. How my mom reacted to something is not for me to own.)

Haha, yeah... that’s a tough one. I will remind myself constantly. Thank you

My trauma therapist texted me to tell me not to assume I’ll go mute. She said I’m good at saying what I need to with everyone else. Just do that

We shall see

 

[LuckiLee]

Thinking of you today. I hope things go better than any of us imagine. Best of luck to you @littleoc! ?

 

[littleoc]

It did go well :) she came by early because another family canceled

I’ll talk about it later when I’m chiller

But the basics are, she looked around and said it’s going to be easy for her to handle, she looked very hopeful, and she’ll help make it easier for us. My mom talked well, said it was a mix of her being hoard-y and being overwhelmed, she was very open and honest. She kept saying she was too scared to come outside but she did. She cried when she heard it will cost between 2000$-2500$, but that’s okay, because I have student loans and I really think they’ll cover this, but I will ask my financial advisor for advice and thoughts to make sure I have what I need for my classes as well. I believe the advisor said I could use the loans as housing expensive money when needed. I haven’t moved out yet but I will check for unexpected expenses. My grandmother would probably help me

Though my grandfather is sick so I would like to not trouble them much

 

[Chris-duck]

Really glad it went well and that your mum managed to be honest with her :)