5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[NatBird]

1: i've had a few days of intense physical pain (chronic illness flare); my choice: take the prescribe...

@corvidae sending support. sorry to hear you're in pain. hope it has eased, or you've found a spot of ease within it today.

 

[NatBird]

I am pathatic

I want to work on making something

I want to rest

You're just a pathetic avoidant loser

It's interesting that I'm still managing to do some kind things even though I'm having these thoughts

I love nature, particularly birds right now. I must remember I'm a part of that

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Waiting to hear back from my doctor either thru email or phone.:eek:
It is a beautiful day and I am following doctors orders even though I have so much to do.:watching:
Back to the bland diet, hangover from the flu......:cautious:
Lighting nag champa incense to help me.:cool:
I need to stop stressing.:wideeyed:

 

[VioletButterfly]

Life is wicked complicated even without CPTSD on board. With it makes everything seem so unmanageable. I keep praying, it's what I do.

This is going to sound terrible, but I wish I could cut the emotional ties I have with my family and really put firm boundaries in that regard in place in my feeling part. I have much healing to do surrounding my FOO.

I need to embrace empowerment in my life and stay present.

I'm growing up. I realized that yesterday in speaking with the assistant I'd be replacing if the organization keeps me. I'm not freaking out in this job. It's like I know it's going to take a minute to absorb all that's being thrown at me. I know my way around an office, it's just a paycheck.

I'm working through the thought that I have people in my life who care about me, but trying to keep in mind that I also really only have myself in real-time as those relationships are touch points and conditional upon their availability.

I'd like a partner, but don't know what I'd do with one. I just, selfishly, want someone who is there just for me 24-7. Like I want to come first with someone besides God (we all come first, equally, in that regard.)

Too much thinking. VB is out to flit back to the office. :)

 

[VioletButterfly]

@NatBird - "t's interesting that I'm still managing to do some kind things even though I'm having these thoughts. I love nature, particularly birds right now. I must remember I'm a part of that."

Yes, exactly!! So glad you are able to have the positive riding shotgun with the negative. For me, it means I'm going in the right direction. In the midst of the storm, but at least I've got a raincoat. Right? Hang in there. VB

@gizmo - Hope you are feeling better soon and that the doc has good news. Stress is how I got my big Santa belly!! Corisol is not your friend. ;) Best to you - VB

 

[Friday]

Sense of Humor + Pride + Courage = Gone.
What's worse I don't know for how long they have been? Feels like a long time.

My 1 thing has shifted. Which is good. 1 thing is no longer eat, or shower, or sleep, or get dressed, or exercise. Those have moved to baseline? Mostly. Some days those are still my 1 thing I did today. I'm just greedy, I think. 1 is never enough. Always want 1 more. C'mon bitch. 1 more. Reach for it.

Do you ever go back and read things you've written in the past and just think; wow. I was a lot more f*cked up than I thought I was, this is a goddamn clusterf*ck. Or conversely, things that you thought were train wrecks are perfectly clear and understandable?I'm doing that, right now, with the added fun that I have no idea if it was my perception then that was all messed up, or my perception now? :O_o:

Well. I've gone from crisis hopping to living in crises. <tilts head> On the upside, I'm good in crisis? Snort. At least distress is down. And functionality up. Downside, my life is FUBAR.

5 years too late? Quit your f*cking whining. But... Nope. You finally got what you'd been fighting for, so gut up, suck it up, HTFU, and make something of it.

 

[Ronin]

My life is FUBAR too, I think my life and yours should be friends and have a cup of warm cocoa.

This was supposed to be a long post. Somewhat more constructive. Oh my. Defaulting to cute it is. Hang on tight mate.

 

[Silver.]

Do I really have to shower this morning? how offended will the 2 different doctors I have to visit be if I don't?
and what about jammies, are these socially acceptable?
why did he make me coffee this morning????
I hope I can stay present today

 

[NatBird]

I'm a coward

I'm kidding myself

Why can't I stop being self absorbed

Why do I feel so incompetent all the time ana will it ever change and no it won't change because your a f*cking coward

 

[Ronin]

I'm a coward

Says the courageous hero in healing.

 

[corvidae]

1: @Silver. showers are optional, especially at dr appointments (deodorant of some kind is recommended, though.) one time i just put "clothes" on over my pj's and went out (however i wasn't very present at all that day; a function of pajamas? dunno.)
2: advocating for myself has turned into "you have a personality disorder." not advocating for myself turned into "you have a personality disorder." wtf, mental health "specialists"?
3: getting the i.v. of coffee ready
4: pain
5: more pain

extra 5: FUBAR: it's what's for breakfast (yet again)

 

[jaccat]

The world's longest working week is over.
I was having some really messed up conversations with my T yesterday. Moments like those make me realise why I need her.
I just overheard a woman telling her children she loved my door knocker!:wideeyed:
I really am a 'nature person'. I am discovering that I love autumn so much it hurts.
'Sleep' tomorrow, or a walk?