Emdr: Questions/comments From An Emdr Therapist Who Also Has Ptsd

[orangeweezel]

My experience with EMDR was horrible. I was referred to a therapist who had been the developer of...

I'm so sorry to hear about your bad experience. It certainly looks like the T had understanding of the condition but didn't properly know how to use EMDR. I'm glad you have someone now who is helpful to you. With extensive trauma like you described, it may take longer to work through, but the common theme between them helps to heal the effects caused by it. Finding out what that trauma taught you, as a child, to believe about yourself, others, and the world, can continue to help hone in on areas to heal. Thanks for sharing your experience.

 

[orangeweezel]

EMDR has been very beneficial for me and in the beginning I used this technique a lot. But even...

I'm glad you found some help from EMDR, but it sounds like there's something specific in your experience that is trying to protect you from fully letting go. Trauma gives us such protective reactions in the hope that we can avoid vulnerability and being hurt again. This is one place where EMDR can get stuck, because we can't force the barriers down, we can only choose it or not. With trauma, the thought of letting the barriers down is extremely scary, so it makes sense why (unconsciously) it might get stuck there. I may be off on what I'm saying, as you shared only briefly, but if I am please let me know. Vulnerability is very likely a response to the trauma you experienced, and protective in that it will make you extra watchful and defensive. Again, these are just my thoughts based on what you shared, and I don't know you personally, so I apologize if my thoughts don't fit for you.

 

[orangeweezel]

I've really enjoyed this thread, and am open to continue responding to any questions about EMDR or therapy in general, but wanted to let everyone know I'll be out of town without internet from Oct 2-10, so I won't be able to respond. Wanted to make sure nobody felt ignored when I didn't respond. I'll reply to any further comments here when I get back. Thanks again, everyone!

 

[Powder]

I have anniversary flashbacks and/or just body memories to electrocution torture. I got the whole entire memory and body memory last Sept 25. This year, a couple days later, I got just the body memory of electrocution after feeling "jumpy" and trying to lie down and sleep like that. I thought I was having a seizure because it felt like my whole body was shaking from the core and I was paralyzed. I felt total fear. Then, I realized that it was the anniversary of the initial fb's of this same type of feeling.

I have done 6 years of processing several traumas from little T all the way up to 3 hot spots. This one was the worst. I feel like, even now, why didn't that kill me?

Would EMDR help fully process anniversary reaction body memories to age 4? I have no environmental or other trigger to the trauma other than time of year.

Thank you. I know you are gone, so I will just chill on this till later. I am in no hurry. LOL this is my life.

 

[NatBird]

My experience with EMDR was horrible. I was referred to a therapist who had been the developer of...

I'm sorry to hear you had this experience and admire that you are brave enough to engage with and I'm assuming, trust to some extent, a new therapist.

 

[Kim Vasel]

I would tell her that I am still put off and upset about the time she insinuated that people in America suffer more because they are not as busy as people in other countries. A good therapist knows that staying active can also be an avoidance technique.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

I'm sorry to hear you had this experience and admire that you are brave enough to engage with and I'm a...

My new therapist is amazing. Well, he's not new anymore. It's been several years. I do trust him. It took a long time, but he rose to the challenge and I'm so grateful for him.

 

[orangeweezel]

I have anniversary flashbacks and/or just body memories to electrocution torture. I got the whole entire me...

Hi Muse,

It sounds like you've gone through a lot, and worked on a lot of it. Some trauma will make us wonder how we ever survived it. I hope it helps you realize how resilient you are! EMDR can help to fully process something like this, because even if nothing is triggering it besides the time of year, by accessing the memory network, EMDR can, in a way, trigger the place it is in the nervous system and help clear it out. Things like this can be a little more difficult to work on in more "traditional" therapy because of how rarely it's triggered. I would recommend trying EMDR for something like this. Good luck! And please let me know if you have anymore questions.

 

[Powder]

Thank you for addressing my specific question about anniversary reaction triggered body memory flashbacks.

 

[NatBird]

I've met my trauma therapist eight or nine times. She is ready to do EMDR, I am not.

I've continuosly expressed concerns about using EMDR for complex trauma. She has told me it can be a little more unpredictable but it works.
What's your view on EMDR for complex ptsd?

We have only done two sessions on stabilisation and regulation, maxiumum three. She tells me there's not much more she can teach me. She thinks I have plenty of resources already. I've ask her how she knows I can access them in the moment.
She couldn't really answer. A week later she suggested a trial.

Does this sound like she's following the EMDR protocol?

We were due to do a trial yesterday. I couldn't because I'm feeling very activated and suicidal. I sense relates to a residential I went on just a week ago. I told her that this is my concern; I can't regulate appropriately with such things (I'm self harming and moving towards active suicide) then how would I be able to handle EMDR?

Her answer was that I need to start processing the trauma for things to shift and that I will develop the ability to tolerate distress and better regulate through doing the treatment. I'm not entirely convinced.

How does this sound to you?

I get what she's saying but she doesn't seem to care about what surrounds the treatment - what support I have, which apart from an art therapist and a friend abroad I don't have any, what else is happening, such as goals etc.

Is it usual for an EMDR therapist to be only focused on what's happening on the room and not so concerned about what happens outside?

Yesterday she asked when I thought I would have appropriate support and said that acheiving that might never happen if I don't process the trauma.
This sounded like it had some truth but also felt bullying, manipulative.

She's now quite frustrated. I am now quite desperate. I feel like this is the only thing that might help bring about changes but I don't feel safe with her.
Yesterday she said the options are EMDR or NET, which she initially thought wouldn't work so well or to go back on the waiting list (I was already on it a few years) and come back when I feel more ready.

Thing is I feel ready I just want to feel safe.

I'd rather kill myself than end up in psychiatric unit, which for me just means being f*cked by others, I've had enough of that. Appreciate that's not everyones experience but that's what's happened to the people I know.

All this adds to the sense of incompetence: inability to do what I want and change my life, that is fueling the suicidal ideation.

I really don't know what to do. If I walk away it will take ages to get that opportunity again and I can't afford to go private.

I'd appreciate any thoughts you have re questions and anything else that comes to mind.

Nat

 

[NatBird]

My experience with EMDR was horrible. I was referred to a therapist who had been the developer of...

@ShodokanJenn I think I might have posted before about this. Nonetheless sorry to hear you went through this.
What you expressed is exactly my concern with the therapist I am currently working with.

 

[NatBird]

@orangeweezel oh I'll add that she's made it quite clear that she can offer no additional support outside the sessions.