Obsessive Circular Thoughts

[Hope69]

When I had what I"ll call a complete breakdown about13 years ago, I set of obsessive thoughts were unleashed. I believe it was because my emotions were so terrifying that my brain started to try to understand them. Literally the thoughts went on for about 4 years, the same circular pattern.
This was set off again 4 months ago.
Up until then, I was managing by being super mindful of all my feelings, including debilitating anxiety, I was able to just felly be with it. At the time the thoughts started, I felt hurt by an ex, and it set of this terror and pain I could no longer contain. And the thoughts started again.
When I think "I'll just let go of these thoughts," I feel this panic and fear. But the trouble with the thoughts, is they can lead to even more scary scenarios.
In my weird case, I have a terror of being attached to someone who hurts me, yet at the same time, fear I am bad if I detach. It makes sense given childhood incidences that I won't describe here.
Does anyone else have repetitive thoughts and how do you manage.
My solutions so far is to come into my body, but sometimes I feel this pressure in my head like the thoughts are pushing my brain, but behind the thoughts are a backlog of feelings or sometimes just a numbness like depression.

 

[Mim28]

When I had what I"ll call a complete breakdown about13 years ago, I set of obsessive thoughts were unlea...

I do, yes. I always say my brain starts looping. Just repeating the same thing. It's exhausting. I've been trying some exercises I learned from the book "the happiness trap".

 

[Hope69]

I do, yes. I always say my brain starts looping. Just repeating the same thing. It's exhausting. I've...

Looping is an excellent word. Thats it a loop that goes round and round, like a dog chasing its tail.

 

[Mim28]

Looping is an excellent word. Thats it a loop that goes round and round, like a dog chasing its tail.[/Q...

Yes! I'll say, okay, thank you mind. You're looping again.. I have to acknowledge it. I've learned that my brain is just doing it's job. It's trying to keep me alive. I have to pull the book back out and continue reading. I didn't finish it.

 

[Hope69]

Yes! I'll say, okay, thank you mind. You're looping again.. I have to acknowledge it. I've learned tha...

sounds like it might be useful to read the book. I'll check it out :)

 

[Bodu_Birch]

I get that too. I can sit with the loop going round and then be shocked at how much time has passed. Like time goes quicker?.. I might just check that book out
Thnx

 

[Mim28]

I get that too. I can sit with the loop going round and then be shocked at how much time has passed....

I have to get back to it, but it was good. I kept trying to examine my thoughts and the EMDR specialist kept saying, "they are just thoughts. They are not you." That didn't make any sense at all to me. How could my thoughts NOT be me? The book helped explain it. I hope you find it helpful.

 

[Clement]

Hi, I also have a lot of obsessive thoughts. I have been having these thoughts for six years. My thoughts focus on the past. I am obsessed with the idea that there are things I do not remember--horrible things that show what an awful person I am. Recently, I am obsessed with "remembering" heinous racist speech that I have supposedly enacted. Other times, I create "memories" about accidental speech/violations related to pedophilia. Of course, I do not actually think that I have done these things. I just obsess to a point where I start to wonder what parts of the stories might be real, and what parts of the stories are metaphors.

Unrelentingly, these obsessive thoughts turn into persecutory thoughts. The reality is that I have been persecuted in my life--as a woman, an insane person, a person from a low-income background, and as a person with learning-related disabilities and an invisible physical disability. But my persecutory obsessions become more vivid and astoundingly metaphorical than life could ever be.

In addition to the fact that my thoughts just get worse and worse, my surroundings tend to compound the situation. For example, when I obsess, I flip between looking angry and looking happy--even horny. My storytelling brain inserts replacer emotions into moments of self-hatred and moments of "remembering" and moments of remembering. I try to craft a new emotional backdrop for my walk between the bus stop and my apartment. Sadly, creepy men often make comments on my face: "You have a beautiful smile." "That's right, you can't lie to a police officer." "Can I have your number?" "You should smile." "Why are you so angry." "I have a son for you." Of course, this feedback only worsens my obsessive thinking and general anxiety and despair. I have horrible nightmares and, when I am alone in my room, I sometimes whisper vengeful and imagined, persecutory conversations to myself.

Occasionally, I throw a towel or something similar across the room, which is probably good for me because it means I am not turning things inward. Thus, I recommend finding several outlets. Exercise is one of these (and I still can't get it together to do this one because I cannot run in my neighborhood and at the gym men ask me if I need free training.) Another one is eating well and eating mindfully (I do the first of these). Another big one is socializing regularly (this is enormous.) I also suggest reclaiming areas of your life that have been altered by your traumas. For example, I have found that it is helpful for me when I set lots of boundaries with myself and my friends and partners. Relationships work better when there are lots of very clear boundaries. My family and past partners have not had good boundaries, but I can try my best to create a world for myself in which boundaries are evident. Importantly, my boundaries can also change over time. I consult my wise mind to know whether my boundaries are changing or whether people are forcing my boundaries. For me, sex therapy and masturbation have also been very helpful.