Relationship For Sufferers To Respond.... Advice Please

[JM318]

What is the longest you've ever isolated? Have you ever had a "long isolation/breakup" then tried things again? How did it work out? How was starting therapy for the first time? Were you in a relationship then? Any advice is appreciated, I haven't posted in a while. My veteran broke up with me for the 3rd time recently around the time he committed to therapy. Our previous breakup before this, we were separated for 6 months, with some contact. I know most will tell me to move on, which I am, but I'll never give up hope for us. I do want want things to get better for him, and I hope he doesn't forget about me. Thanks.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm going to change the verbiage for my own sense of self. I'm a survior and I have PTSD. One thing popped into mind when I read your post. You said this is the 3rd breakup and that the first was around the time he went into therapy? The first thing that came to my mind was has it always happened around the same time of year? Is it possible there is a trauma anniversary associated with that particular time? I don't like saying "if" too much as it leads to anxiety and distortions but, I'm thinking that yes if there is an anniversary that might be a reason he might isolate.

Trying to figure out the "why" in many different situations can cause distress. Trying to wonder about the "if" can cause anxiety. My suggestion to you is be present for yourself as much as you can especially now. It's possible staying present will help you process your emotions.

I won't tell you to move on. I won't tell you to call him. I know only what you've shared about your relationship in this post. And while his needs are important yours especially now are important for you since you're hurting and you're having to navigate the emotional pain. I suggest self care. Give yourself a break if you can to maybe save you the extra stress as you try to make sense of things.

 

[Fadeaway]

7 years was the longest I isolated. It was an all out total isolation from the world though not a relationship. In a romatic relationship? About 6 weeks no contact.

 

[JM318]

I'm going to change the verbiage for my own sense of self. I'm a survior and I have PTSD. One...

Thanks for your comment. Just to clear this up, we broke up for 3 weeks about 6 months into the relationship. Then went about a year strong with an isolation in July. Then around September/October another isolation which was when he was diagnosed with PTSD and we broke up for 6 months. Again this year, isolation in July which is when he accepted/started therapy and I've stopped communication with him since last week because he's hot and cold. We have mutual friends so I saw him last weekend and he hugged me and seemed friendly. I picked an eye booger out of his eye (LOL) and we kind of stayed separated the rest of the night while we chit chatted with friends. He's told me before he's recognized he doesn't love the way others do, that he's numb to things, and his mother shared with me recently that he's kept to himself lately and he shoots on Sundays at the range. She said "I don't see him without anyone else, move on, I think he will be alone for a long time". She doesn't push anything with him bc she knows if it's something he can't handle he will speak up with her. I feel almost like I know too much (since I've been reading up on PTSD) and he feels like he can't share anything with me/trust me now. He wants to stay private and our circle of friends know what's going on now (for the most part). So to answer your question he seems to isolate in July and October. He does not share anything in Afghanistan with me. He's only mentioned missing the adrenaline of not knowing if he's going to live another day, and recently after his breakdown told me there's something deep inside that needs to be worked out in therapy.

I have been taking care of myself and I'm very busy and focused in my life, but part of me can't shake moving on. I promised him I'd step aside and love him from afar so I'm doing that. I was just curious if maybe starting therapy is hard for him and maybe that's why he's being hot and cold with me, it's not like him to not want to "be friends" or ignore me like this, even if we did break up again. He told me he brings nothing to the table at therapy except me, and blames me for his anxiety, depression and anger. :/

 

[JM318]

7 years was the longest I isolated. It was an all out total isolation from the world though not a rela...

I understand. I feel like he isolates for so long now bc he was 1.5 years into the relationship before being officially diagnosed. He did not want to accept treatment or believe he needed it until he finally had a breakdown this July. He is very reserved and keeps things to himself and bottles things.