Wondering If I Will Make It

[scout86]

My T keeps telling me that talking about stuff is "Good" and that making connections with people is too. I think maybe you're proving his point. LOL

You've made it through every anniversary you've experienced so far. Maybe not with a lot of style points some times, but you've made it this far. That's major. And I can't see you doing any worse this time around. You've learned a lot since last year. You have more resources to draw on than you did then. I think making it through this stretch is just another step on your road to being the new and improved you. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

How ARE you doing today?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@sun seeker and @scout86 , thanks for asking how I am today. I am exhausted. Yesterday was such a rough day added onto a string of rough days. I could barely get out of bed this morning and was 5 minutes late to my physical therapy. My fabulous therapist let me come for an extra session right after that. She even made me toast (because I haven't eaten much in days). We talked about options (going back to in-patient, what to work on next, how to work on the issue of my niece, etc.) but did not get too deep. We spent some time bashing the crisis workers that tell me to call them and then all they can say is they don't know what to say or do and totally overlook my mention of self-harm and the partial program that lied to me and wouldn't accept me a year ago (the unstated reason is they don't believe in DID so told me a bunch of lies so the wouldn't take me). I managed to go to my son's parent teacher conference and sound intelligent (I think). I have nothing at all on my schedule for tomorrow so tonight I am going to make a schedule of just a few things to do and when so that maybe I won't fall apart completely. So to really answer your question, I am still struggling, but I am more stable today than yesterday.

 

[scout86]

That sounds like a pretty successful day, especially since it wasn't easy. (I like the sound of your T!) Be sure to schedule a little time for something good tomorrow! :hug:

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Be sure to schedule a little time for something good tomorrow!

I just finished my schedule and I have mainly things I enjoy doing, but haven't on it. I have breaks built and and eating built in! I also made myself a note that I don't have to follow the schedule perfectly. Here's hoping!

My therapist is awesome. A little unconventional at times (but nothing bad), but a great match. So glad I was led to her by whatever power was that made me choose her out of a list of therapists I knew nothing about. What are the chances that I would pick the one who has experience with DID before I even knew I had DID!

 

[Alibongo]

I just finished my schedule and I have mainly things I enjoy doing, but haven't on it. I...

I'm glad u had a better day :)

 

[pixel]

Thinking of you, @JEKBreatheandBelieve

You will make it through — even your name testifies this :p

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@pixel , thank you! Yeah, I should listen to my mantra more often and think of it when I get on here, right?!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I have been struggling today. Lots of anger coming from parts and now am struggling with the shame of not being useful. It's so hard because somewhere I know it isn't true, but I can't help it. I am struggling to keep present and all I want is to disappear just for a magic while while everything gets magically fixed.

 

[scout86]

How can we help?

 

[aut555]

Ok, l had the four year- old child that wouldn't potty train. I resorted to outright bribery. I said pee in the toilet, you will get a mini Halloween m&m bag. Magic,she potty trained in about a couple of days. She didn't eat candy at all, so it paid off. I heard with boys to throw Cherios in toilet and tell them to aim. Later l used M&M to teaching adding and subtracting in preschool.

It's a lot to go through right now. Try taking little steps to work on these problems. Put a list on your computer or your wall of what you are trying to accomplish so that you can see the bigger picture instead of just the stress part only. You may need to hire attorney for disability or find one who does help pro bono clients. Some firms require their attorneys to do work like this. You can check with your state bar association if they refer clients for this purpose. Some states do, some don't. Things may get tight, so you have to work through this some how. Write down what is bothering you and see if you can write some solutions to help. Do you need anxiety meds for short-term only? Take your life pulse and try some baby steps. Much compassion.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

How can we help?

I don't know. Just keep responding? I am so tired of this struggle right now. One okay day is not enough to sustain me. I even had good things happening yesterday (like my son finally has an appointment with potty training specialist, not for another month, but it's a start), but I just wasn't there mentally to even really appreciate it. Eventually, I just curled up into my cocoon and then cried because I was in that state.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I resorted to outright bribery.

Yeah, doesn't work with mine. We've tried. It's a bigger issue. Some medical possibly some behavioral. Got an appointment for him (finally) with specialist (in potty training- never knew there was such a thing!) but not until beginning of December, but it's a start.