Compulsive Lying

[Uher]

I think you're getting a lot of tough love responses because many here have been abused themselves.

I personally avoid liars, because I grew up with liars. It was hell never knowing what was real.

I hope if you ever decide to have children, you fix your lying problem first. A parent who is a chronic liar can really mess up a child.

I do however get the feeling that you want to change.

You're posting and asking for help, which is a good thing.

But maybe I'm being naive once again and believing someone when they are lying.

I doubt it though.

Are you in treatment/therapy? Does your therapist know you are a chronic liar?

 

[Osa]

I don't know how to start this and I'm not saying this to defend myself.. I'm trying to work on not lying, but I
someti...

You are aware of your lying . But it is habitual, that means you have to break the habit,, and not so much for your friend, but for you. So bad habits or good habits, you have to make a conscious effort to think about everyday, and when you are heading into a whopper, stop, say this a whopper, l am not going there. What the message is, you have to be in the present, catch it, then give yourself a verbal high five. At the end of a month, give yourself a new something, as a reward. Postive reinforcement will illicit changed response. Plus l think that person knows you lied about something already.

Ok , the good thing you awa

 

[Serolud]

For now: How to Stop Habitual Lying | Compulsive Lying Disorder

You may know some of this already

 

[Pokul]

Bear with me here, a moment;

I tend to go the other way, I get compulsively honest. I just DGAF. It takes real concentrated effort to shake my body out, adjust my posture, my gait, the overall rhythms of my body; smooth my face out; gain control of my affect, and mind my bearing. To alter the rhythms and tone of my voice, adjust my words, keep things always below a certain level, never stand out. I had to learn to do it, to be invisible, to fit into society, again. I can even enjoy it, to an extent. I had to turn it into a game to be able to do it, to learn it, practice, and master it. I had to make it fun. Because most of the time, it's not fun.

It is an untold relief to be able to drop all of that bullshit. To be around people who don't need it.

And it is frustrating as hell when I can't lie with my hands, my face, my voice, my body. When I cannot mind my affect.

2 sides of the same coin.

So what's the point to all of this? What I've found is that when something reaches the level of compulsion? It needs outlets, or -sooner or later- it takes over. Meaning that if I want to be lying a majority of the time? I have-to have-to have-to have outlets for being myself, and being completely honest. AND I have to have some pretty solid rules in place surrounding both. Like I won't be in a relationship with someone I have to lie to. I need that core, that strength to return home to, no matter what kind of persona I have to put on to wear out. If a person expects me to lie to them? SMH. We won't last long. And most people do. Both expect and want to be lied to. They want the thousands of "little white" (snort) lies people tell each other all day long and don't consider lying. Another rule, it is not lying to withhold information. At least to an extent. But that jumps into manipulation side of lying with the truth. Which I'm sure you know, of you're comin at this from the other side. There's a line. A few of them, in point of fact. Find your own.

I really don't see compulsive lying as much different from compulsive honesty. 2 sides of the same line trying to reach the middle. Exact same issues, in reverse.

So those would be my 3 biggest suggestions; turn honesty into a game/practice & master it, create outlets for yourself (acting, for example) so that you can stretch out like a cat and completely relax, and create personal rules for yourself that you do not break. Adjust them as needed, but define them very well.

 

[Ivito]

we need to encourage them to seek that help, not berate them

I wasn't berating. I was being honest. Manipulating is abusive. Lying for fun is abusive. Not caring if people dies, lack of empathy.

I also advised they need therapy and to be open and honest with them.

These are my opinions and I don't need to defend them.

 

[Ufane]

Exactly. I have a hard time having sympathy for somebody that out and out cares for nobody but themselves

So you've never been suicidal? Never disassociated? Never gone numb? With PTSD that's pretty impressive.

 

[Cizumu]

What about lying makes you feel so powerful?

That's the thing though.. I actually don't lie in an attempt to make me feel powerful. I don't make lies to make myself higher than others. I don't flaunt the information I know nor am I quick to correct someone, unless I accidentally impulsively do.. when I lie, it's out of boredom. When I say things that are brutally honest or manipulative, it's due to boredom. I have no problem belittling myself if I think it'll help that other person feel better about themselves, but I can just as easily turn around and belittle them. It's just how I feel like experimenting with on that given time.

 

[Cizumu]

So you've never been suicidal? Never disassociated? Never gone numb? With PTSD that's pretty impressive.

Is that a question for me? yes I have been suicidal, I have dissociative epodes and I've definitely felt numb.

 

[Cizumu]

Exactly. I have a hard time having sympathy for somebody that out and out cares for nobody but themselves. The thing...

I do care for other people... just very very select few. If I care about anyone else outside of that tiny circle, it's more like indirect compassion/affection. An example would be, if I found out my friend's grandmother died, that I know she is close to, I will show interest and feign sadness for my friend's sake because I care for my friend. I am interested in what happens, negatively, to the people close to my friend because I know that will affect her. But do I care if the grandmother dies? No I couldn't care less if she was waterboarded for hours on end, stabbed in the stomach, humiliated, then left to die alone in a pit. But I will indirectly care for my friend's sake.

 

[Cizumu]

What about lying makes you feel so powerful?

That's the thing. I don't lie to feel like I'm better than anyone. I just do it because I'm bored. Sometimes I don't even think about it and it's like verbal diarrhea haha. I just sputter out a lie without even realizing it sometimes.

 

[Ohu]

Bear with me here, a moment;

I tend to go the other way, I get compulsively honest. I just DGAF. It takes real concentr...

Not me. I HATE being lied to. WITH A PASSION.

 

[Cizumu]

I wasn't berating. I was being honest. Manipulating is abusive. Lying for fun is abusive. Not caring if people dies,...

Do not worry I did not see your comment as berating. Honesty is what will help me get insight since I don't doubt that my own mind blinds me from what others are seeing and may interpret or experience. I appreciate your honesty, so thank you.

I don't disagree that lying for fun is abusive. It is and that's why I am concerned for my friend. I don't want to continue the cycle that I was put through and I know that I will never have kids because a child does not deserve that kind of life. Although I don't care for kids, if given the power... as much as I'd love to experiment with a child and see how badly I can psychologically mess them up, another part of me also makes me not want to continue the cycle. I don't know. It's a weird mental battle honestly.