Everybody Wants Something From Me, But They Never Seem To Want Me.

[F_uckYourselves]

This is a recurring problem in all my relationships, romantic and platonic alike. People's interest in me only seems to extend as far as what I can do for them. My friends are happy to reach out to me when they need something: a favor, emotional support, a listening ear, free entertainment. But if it's a matter of socializing just for the sake of it? The onus is on me to do the initiating 100% of the time, and there's little to no reciprocity.

Same thing with dating. If I didn't make the first move, there would never be a first move. If I don't text first, nobody bothers to text me. If I don't assume the burden of making plans and keeping a dialogue going, the relationship just dies on the vine.

I don't understand it. I don't understand why I am never enough to merit even minimal effort. Nobody has any qualms about turning to me when they need help, or when they want someone to make them laugh, or when they want to get laid and there are no better options available to them, but just to enjoy the pleasure of my company? Forget it.

I don't know what else I have to do to be worthy of people's acceptance and affection. I'm smart. I'm creative. I'm funny. I'm compassionate. I'm accomplished. I have a lot more going for me than many people. But I still never, ever seem to rate. I never seem to be worth the trouble to anyone.

 

[Friday]

I think you're doing the 1+1= 67 thing that PTSD so often does.

That you pick people to date & befriend that are followers, rather than leaders (as you always need to take the leadership role of showing initiative & making decisions)? That are action oriented (get together for a purpose, rather than for no reason)? And somehow draw from that a conclusion about your worthiness? Because they're not XYZ, you're somehow to blame for that? And moreover have decided that despite the fact that you are sought out & followed by these people, because they don't initiate, they clearly don't enjoy your company? Doesn't parse.

Their actions (or inactions) are not your fault.

 

[Revampjacob]

Correct.

I think you're doing the 1+1= 67 thing that PTSD so often does.

That you pick people to date & befriend...

You are gravitating towards people that use you.
As have I, because I have been blind to their abusive behavior.
No longer however.
I am better than them and I can do better for myself.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

You sound like a typical codependent. So am I. The more you can save someone, the better. Therapy would be useful as well as reading the book "Codependent No More". You need to recognize and address these issues before they tear you apart. Do you feel out of control? Do you feel like your actions are an effort to control others? Because guess what? They probably are.

 

[Mandie]

This is a recurring problem in all my relationships, romantic and platonic alike. People's interest in me o...

yep, I have similar feelings. Fighting self-loathing/blame tonight because I have joined no less than 4 ptsd chatrooms just trying to find one person to talk to me. Logically I know it's because folks aren't awake, but I feel like I am always awake. And available. And concerned. And yet so alone.

 

[F_uckYourselves]

You sound like a typical codependent. So am I. The more you can save someone, the better. Therapy would be useful as well as reading the book "Codependent No More". You need to recognize and address these issues before they tear you apart. Do you feel out of control? Do you feel like your actions are an effort to control others? Because guess what? They probably are.

I don't agree with this at all. I don't look for people I think I can save, though they do seem to have a way of finding me. I just find myself consistently ending up in relationships with little or no reciprocity. Things like always having to be the one to call first, issue invitations, and make plans. It makes me feel like nobody can be bothered with me unless I call their attention to me first. Like I'm only memorable if I remind them I'm around.

I'm not looking to control people. I just want to feel like I'm getting back a little of what I give.