Sexual Trauma But Not Sexual Abuse?

[Pazezo]

Yes jojo11, it's hard to understand. I honestly think some parents don't fully understand their children are people just like them, the same way some people don't comprehend that animals also feel pain just like us.
I personally don't understand how some people can be so blunted emotionally. But there are so many of them!
Trauma is never a just get over it scenario, but if you can see the person didn't intend it you can sidestep the blame and just focus on heling the wounds.
That's how I see it anyway. Trauma is trauma, intentional or not - and what you describe does sound traumatic!

 

[Aceb]

I do find a difference in our scenarios. You mentioned kicking and screaming because you didn't want to go to the doctors. I mentioned crying out in pain and sobbing because of having pain inflicted on me for a long duration.

Well, yes and no. I was kicking and screaming not because I was going to the doctors, I was crying, kicking and screaming when doctor after doctor, nurse after nurse came to look and touch between my legs (in hindsight, I think it was some sort of educational hospital.) It hurt, it was humiliating. But it was necessary. I could just as well say my mother should have stopped the scenario after doctor #1, or even told them they don't have to look, they know what it is, so just treat me accordingly. But she overrode my obvious pain because she thought she was helping me. I can guarantee you she was not enjoying the ordeal herself.

I know that parents very often have to do things that are obviously painful and uncomfortable for their children. I can think of 100 moments where that's the case. There are so many factors (cultural, also, amongst others) that could have caused your adult to ignore your pain and keep going with what they thought was helpful to you. In all likelihood they were thinking, "Hurts now, helps in the long run."

I think you're the only one who can say whether or not this person was/is sadistic, and whether or not this can be classified as abuse. I'm not telling you "to get over it." I personally can look back at that traumatizing scenario and not make it worse than it was because intentions were clear on all fronts. I'm not saying that you should or can do that too.

 

[Ipe]

There are many things medically I had to do with my kids that were painful but necessary. Not knowing the context of the incident makes it impossible to judge. I would say that a one time incident was bad judgement. Repeatedly? Then there is something wrong.

 

[Ecace]

Ok, in what society do parents force tampon usage on children? In what society do doctors NOT tell parents to LET IT BE as not every young woman can handle tampons? In what society do doctors use a child as an educational learning tool for teaching about tampon insertion? This sounds archaic. Were you raised in the 1950's?!?

NO WONDER you couldn't put one in! Every damn tampon brochure I've ever read says you MUST be relaxed! Couple that with an adolescent body and most tampons being too long......no wonder you had issues. I can only use OB as they're very short and everything else hurts. Maybe I'm "short" inside, who knows. But what I do know is that forcing the issue only made it worse. That's why I question what society you live in and what decade this happened.

 

[Elaw]

It sounds like this has led to ongoing problems for you. Maybe it would be more useful to focus on what to do going forward. I don't think it matters much what you call what happened. Even the intent of the other party doesn't matter as much as where you're a at now and what to do to get past all this.

JMO, but on the receiving end, I find it hard to distinguish the line between some 'medical procedures' and 'abuse', especially for a kid.

 

[Comafeh]

Honestly I still fail to see the necessity of a parent teaching a child how to use tampons by touching them.

Just no. Hand them the bloody brochure and several books that explain this stuff. Still molesting in my book.

 

[Sotoda]

Gynecological Procedures Can Cause PTSD

Published By "forwomenseyesonly" via WordPress 2 years ago:

Post war veterans who completed the same questionnaire as the women in the study achieved similar scores. Menages states the “severity of the obstetric/gynecological trauma can perhaps be inferred from comparing these scores” (1993, p. 223).

There is a lack of research related to PTSD following gynecological procedures. The study quoted above was published in 1993, and there does not appear to be any follow-up research specific to gynecological procedure- related PTSD published since that time.

I'm sure doctors mean well, but it doesnt detract from the experience being as traumatic as experiencing war (per the above quoted study). Physically forced tampon insertion by a 3rd party could be equated to a traumatic gynecological procedure in this way.

 

[Tamamo]

but it doesnt detract from the experience being as traumatic as experiencing war

No. It's not.

 

[Waguhu]

Gynecological Procedures Can Cause PTSD

Published By "forwomenseyesonly" via WordPress 2...

Uh.no. a necessary medical procedure is NOT as traumatic as war. It may suck. It may not be pleasant. It may be traumatic for people with bad histories. But the procedure itself is NOT in any way equal to a traumatic experience like war. This is why people have a hard time with the PTSD label. Anything upsetting these days gets it. I think I've said all I need to.

 

[Opeg]

Uh.no. a necessary medical procedure is NOT as traumatic as war. It may suck. It may not be pleasant. It may be traumat...

I should say a necessary minor medical procedure. There are major ones I could differ with.

 

[Vipafu]

This thread has hit a nerve for me, I've been thinking a lot about it over the course of the day. To preamble what I'm about to say: I'm not condoning aggressively inserting tampons into a 10-year-old. I think it was misguided and the adult should have just given her a pad. Period. (No pun intended.) Do I think it was sexual abuse? From what has been described, not by a long shot.

1. This conversation is starting to beg for a definition of trauma. Is trauma everything we think back on in our life and cringe about? Everything that elicits unpleasant memories? Is it being reminded often of something not-so-good happening to us? Or is it an experience that has impacted, altered, fundamentally changed who we are as a person - something without which we would be someone else? Is that the case for you, Jojo11?

2. I think - and here I'm glad this section is anonymous - that we live in a time where we have enough resources and intelligence to be able to go back and pathologize our childhood. I know many people who are seemingly on a crusade to figure out the source of their, mostly, nebulous struggles in life. All of them come back to something "happening to them" - a mean brother, a demanding mom, a piano teacher who sat a bit too close during lessons. They believe they have been severely traumatized. It's a mixture of misinformation, a lot of time on their hands, and a rampant PC culture (nope not a Trump-supporter) in which all and everything is the cause and result of pathology. It confuses people as to the real severity of what has happened to them over the course of their lives and it confuses people as to the real source of their troubles.

If something happened to you that was traumatizing, something that impacted the fabric of your personality - you know it. There is no coming onto a forum and asking whether or not you've experienced trauma. Without wanting to minimize what the OP has gone through - I firmly believe that pain can not be measured or compared - and also taking into account that there may be far more to this story than what has been described, I'm inclined to go with the notion that having an adult whom you trust enough to help you insert tampons, who does not immediately back off when things get rough, is not in line with abuse.

 

[JoJo11]

This thread has hit a nerve for me, I've been thinking a lot about it over the course of the day. To preamble what I'm....

It's impacted me in a lot of ways. I've never been able to receive gynecological care due to this, have sexual relations, and also have physically painful memories of the pain.