Sexual Trauma But Not Sexual Abuse?

[Kolohu]

I am not Wusu.

I had to go back and re-read, but I think I see where "repeated" came from.

For me, I was between 10-13

The large age range led me to assume it was repeated as well. Upon closer reading, a single incident appears the most accurate interpretation.

Unless the OP states otherwise, I'd say it was a single event.

 

[Vovime]

I am not Wusu.

I had to go back and re-read, but I think I see where "repeated" came from.

The large age range led m...

What it says was repeated problems but only mentioned this incident once. And yeah..the age range is confusing. Maybe they don't remember?

 

[Ace]

Context with this type of thing is really important and not easy to explain. Intent is also really hard to pin down and explain. Sometimes we sense intent and sometimes intent can be good but misguided and yet one can still be traumatised by the event.

It sounds like this has effected you significantly and thats all you need to know in terms of wether to discuss it and treat your related symptoms or not.

If something happened to you that was traumatizing, something that impacted the fabric of your personality - you know it. There is no coming onto a forum and asking whether or not you've experienced trauma

I just want to comment on this as I totally disagree with this statement. Talking about these things in a wider context rather than about this incident specifically: There are lots of reasons why people do not "know it" in the way you refer to. This board is jammed full of examples. You may know it in terms of how you feel but trusting how you feel, understanding how you feel, overcoming denial, making sense of mangled or dissociated memories and overcoming taught habits of personal invalidation self distrust and self hatred can all make it a challenge. Yes there are visitors that discuss bizarre things in terms of trauma but this statement is untrue in my opinion. Personally I have doubted and still doubt rape and all sorts and I have seen doubt about every level of extreme of trauma on this board. Saying that needing to speak about and process if it did harm means it didn't is just plain wrong. OK. Stepping off my soapbox now.

OP. I think things that are not clear cut are always going to bring up different opinions. Maybe its best not to spend too much time thinking if its abuse or not and rather focusing on what you need and deserve. Which is obviously treatment and help for this. I would describe your feelings about intimacy and this area first, then your relationship with this person and then describe what happened to you.

I personally also think that some psychological abuse can leave one feeling very invaded and if thats so combined with this it could exacerbate things too. Your first experience of this area for you was associated with pain and powerlessness and I hope you can work through that.

 

[Icum]

What it says was repeated problems but only mentioned this incident once. And yeah..the age range is confusing. Maybe t...

I assumed this was repeated but even once it an extreme violation. I still think the woman was either mentally handicapped or sociopathic to forcibly break the hymen of a 10 yr old. This is not normal behavior and those here that say it is normal have a moral compass that is waaay off base. I know trauma can confuse people about what is normal and what is not so maybe asking a bunch of traumatized people what is normal is unwise.
To the original poster: yes this is sexual trauma for you. If the perp wasn't getting aroused from it, doesn't matter. Most sexual offenses are not about sex. I was raped by someone that had no interest in sex, he wanted to scare me and he enjoyed the power. He didn't orgasm. Am I to say this wasn't sex abuse because it wasn't about sex for him? He was mentally getting off by sexually hurting me. This woman that helped you insert tampon by forcing it in you despite screaming and crying for extended periods is sick. She is sick and needs help.
You deserve nothing but compassion and support.

 

[JoJo11]

Yes, it happened more than once. I simply can't remember how many times but I do know it recurred. My most vivid memory is the incident I've described. Despite "knowing" it happened more than once, I can only described exact details (the room, what position I was in, where I sat, the pain, having my eyes closed, my sobbing, the snot and tears, the person's facial expression before I closed my eyes, etc.) of the one event. I guess it almost became routine after that or simply wasn't as bad after that one so I don't remember all of the details of those? I only know it happened more than once and I can't give a specific number either.

 

[Epaso]

Yes, it happened more than once. I simply can't remember how many times but I do know it recurred. My most vivid memory...

Just the fact that it happened a second time is enough to tell you this is horrible abuse.
Why in the world would this ever happen a second time?

This is child rape. It was a woman using the guise of assistance with a tampon to manipulate you but that just means it's more manipulative than overt, which adds self doubt and confusion to your trauma. This person has sick perversions. If they aren't sexual in nature they are sadistic.

I'm sorry if this was your mother or aunt or someone you loved. That person is sick and manipulative enough to know to blur the lines. I'm so angry at anyone that reads this story and interprets it any other way.

I understand your confusion since you were the one with the trauma, but outsiders should all know this is severe sex abuse.

Please take good care of yourself. You were horribly victimized and manipulated.

 

[JoJo11]

Just the fact that it happened a second time is enough to tell you this is horrible abuse.
Why in the world would this.....

I don't know that I can be convinced that it wasn't done in good faith, still. It was "my idea" in the first place... I'm fairly certain.

This is why I wondered if something like this can be considered traumatic without it being actual abuse. And at the end of the day... I guess I just want to know if my concerns are valid. That this could be the reason why I haven't been able to have a normal sex life. Because all I've ever been able to associate my genitals is... is pain. A lot of pain.

 

[Bogamok]

Yes, it happened more than once. I simply can't remember how many times but I do know it recurred. My most vivid memory...

More than once is most definitely abuse. Even if there wasn't pain it isn't in any way shape or form appropriate. Without knowing whether it was truly sexual or "medical" ( I have no clue what else to even call that) in nature it's hard to say what KIND but abuse none the less. Intent is key.

But yes. It's abuse. No doubt.

 

[Cunahu]

If one of my kids at the age of 10 asked me to cut their fingers off should I just because they asked me to?
It's one thing if you went to a parent and asked to be shown how to insert a tampon which as a mom I'd have a hard time with but if they insisted, whatever. It's another to have it done over and over.

 

[JoJo11]

If one of my kids at the age of 10 asked me to cut their fingers off should I just because they asked me to?
It's one.....

I honestly think they felt bad for me because I wasn't able to do it myself and... "needed" to wear one? (forgive me, we are talking about a pre-teen) Maybe I wanted to go swimming THAT badly or something? IDK...

If it were my kid I'd honestly just tell them it's okay to bleed while swimming and to just wear black swim shorts over old bottoms- despite what anyone else would think as to how gross that is. Fish swim in their own pee, the ocean or creek won't suffer too much from a kid's period.

 

[Ohaz]

It's such a small amount, I don't think even the leeches would notice.

 

[Guhasa]

It's such a small amount, I don't think even the leeches would notice.

Lol thankfully I avoid leech infested waters in general