Christmas Is Coming

[IamFree]

Christmas is coming and for the first time ever i am dealing with the emotions raw and its getting pretty painful..cant wait until work wraps up for the year i am pretty walking wounded...you see for most of my life i had many elaborate rituals for not dealing with the desolate memorys of many a loveless christmas with the family...for many years I would get so off my face on coke ...before christmas dinner....that ruined the turkey a bit..one year i went to istanbul for the holiday with the rationale that christmas does not exsist in muslim countrys...but i have since learned the futility of running away from what is inside you...no matter were you go its always with you and you know what i have realised..its a lot less tiring taking a step closer to what your afraid of than running for miles away from it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Reduce the in-your-face reminders.

On a good day I look forward to it, though not at work that is hell; on a bad day it just reminds me why SI makes sense. Sometimes, the harder I try the more I'm reminded or the more it seems such happiness or sense of having family or hope is not meant for me

I hope you find a way to some peace. No matter the season. :hug:

Ps, thanks for the tip, it crossed my mind to head somewhere (locally) where 'family' or 'love' isn't the focus.

:hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I can certainly understand it being a bad time for you, it is for me too, but that's because had things happened on my bday which is a week before xmas, and continued past new years, ending in a near successful suicide attempt. So its a painful time.

 

[RavenGirl]

I just stopped doing the "big family thing" 2 years ago. I decided screw the abuser and the family who still wants to get together with him knowing what he did to me. Now My husband, 2 boys, and I go out to the movies on Christmas Eve each year; their choice of movie. They love it and say we should of done this years ago!!! No stress and we have more fun together than we ever did with "the family." Then Christmas Day we get together with my husband's family. (Love them to death!!)

Or you could do a "friends get together", as I think friends are as much family or more as most blood family. I have always said,"family isn't about blood. Family is about who's there in the good times and the bad. It's about who has your back when you need help, when you call who comes to your need? That's family, not blood! ;):tup::hug::hug::hug: I wish you all a Peaceful, Calm, Fun, Christmas on your terms. (Or not if that's your choice ;) )

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@RavenGirl Unfortunately my abuse and events are tied to these days in DECember its kind of hard for me not be affected this time of year. I have prepared however. PRN Meds, therapist appointments if I needed them already scheduled.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not sure @RavenGirl if @Terry W has those resources- I know I don't- not spouse or children or extended family or friends who would come- they're with their own families. I think that brings up an important point, the lack of FOO or the presence of toxic family , etc, is simply the additional context to be endured while battling the raw emotions or triggers, as @Terry W said more likely through substances, running, or unconsciousness, or dangerous decisions/ company.. I think @recoveringfromptsd said preparing for what realistically can't be avoided may be the necessary option. I don't think the suffering or losses are as bad as the suffering and losses when surrounded by people celebrating their families. Similar to the analogy of poverty, vs poverty surrounded by afluence. Except in this case (perhaps even on top of poverty, in some cases) we may be poor in hope, caring company, peace, sleep, feelings of security, or reprieve, or joy, or even simple kindnesses of others. JMHO though, heck, what do I know. But I think the grief of the toxicity and loss is contrasted more so without those other things/ people. And I actually don't know if that's always the best time to reach out to others with less, simply from my experience because if you're really triggered it's like any other time being really triggered. Though I've spent the better part of some Christmas eve's in bus shelters talking tgether with people who have no one/ no one but each other. We probably had better conversations than most because there was no BS.

(FWIW I think even Christians forget jesus was born in a barn in the elements with young, Immigrant refugee essentially homeless parents in great danger, with no family mentioned there. Not Hallmark. For myself, I'd choose the bus shelter over the latter. Christmas is really bad/ sorrowful for many.)

(End of rant lol. It will be ok. :hug: )

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Junebug I wish it were different, It's the dates that are triggering for me because of what happened and it happening on my birthday, and its affect carried thru past new years. So I am triggered by that period pretty much the whole time. I probably am going to be shutdown during this time, as I have in the past. And it goes without saying I actually enjoy my relatives company.

I have to work hard to not think about it during that period, because that period ended with a near successful suicide attempt. I don't want to be thinking about that, as it can lead to S/I which so far I have not had much of a problem with since my D/C from SP.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @recoveringfromptsd that's understandable. I hope you forgive yourself, & if they are close they will understand too. :hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Yes @recoveringfromptsd that's understandable. I hope you forgive yourself, & if they...

@Junebug Actually they are understanding, me and my sister will be joining our 2nd cousin for xmas, I have already explained to her that its a bad time for me because bad things happened during those times. Plus her daughter actually has studied about PTSD in psych coursework and has an understanding.

My birthday is the hardest (18th)

 

[RavenGirl]

@RavenGirl Unfortunately my abuse and events are tied to these days in DE...

Ah, I thought it was the family and getting with them. Sorry to hear that this time of year brings so much pain when it's supposed to be about rebirth and healing.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Ah, I thought it was the family and getting with them. Sorry to hear that this time of year brings so...

My relatives are great. It is that on my birthday my abuses (not my family) did something that has stuck with me. Its like every december I have to relive it mentally. It really hurts. And because its a period of the year its not like I can use grounding to get rid of it. Which is why I usually shutdown and probably will this time too.

 

[RavenGirl]

:( (((Hugs)))