Most Controversial Post You've Ever Read

[Tugozi]

Spooning is not the same as fondling. Sorry

And penetration is not the same as fondling.

 

[Ucemih]

And penetration is not the same as fondling.

No it sure isn't

 

[Ipevi]

I appreciate all these responses. I know I am really f*cked up on this issue. But I feel it so strong that I can't get my head around no one agreeing with me.
The truth for me, is long ago I was pretty savagely raped and I thought he would kill me, and I developed Stockholm syndrome for him... it's very complicated. I think this identifying with a perpetrator, coupled with the dramatization of less serious offfenses has really messed with my head. I simultaneously want to protect perpetrators but feel like, if these stories are valid rape then where does that put me? I must be damaged beyond repair if you all think getting fingered while drunk is the worst offense you can think of. It launches me into the darkest place to realize society feels THAT is the most heinous thing. How am I ever suppose to be in this society? Your world is so delicate.

 

[Ohi]

Okay. I am that female in that range who suffered a date rape and had no idea it was one until years later. I was 18, was taken to bar by guy who was older. I got drunk, he took me back to his van, and without my consent, raped me. Because l was young, drunk and felt l couldn't leave, (bar was isolated), this was a date rape. I felt l had no choice in the matter. I also suffered sexual abuse from my father, causing me to feel more out of control and confused. No. I didn't press charges, l brought my story here for men to understand how woman can get raped.

 

[Hopola]

I appreciate all these responses. I know I am really f*cked up on this issue. But I feel it so strong that I can't get m...

You're exaggerating. Nobody said that fingering was the worst thing they could think of. However, somebody violating your body in a way you don't consent to is at LEAST sexual assault and at worst rape depending on the action and the law where you are. You are saying things that aren't being said.

 

[Atahe]

I must be damaged beyond repair if you all think getting fingered while drunk is the worst offense you can think of.

I don't remember this being part of the conversation at all. I have a very difficult time with this whole this is worse than this thing when it comes to trauma, for just that reason.

 

[Ale]

I don't see anyone saying being fingered while drunk is the worst offence they can think of, many people here have experienced incredibly brutal attacks, sexual and otherwise and while I don't buy into a heirerachy of trauma, research shows that factors such as the presence of violence and force compound the impact of sexual trauma.

I wonder if what you're struggling with is the same word being used for your, by the sounds of it brutal, attack as for other experiences which you perceive to be less invasive? Almost like if rape is what we use for people who are drunk and don't have consent, but there's no violence outside of the sexual act what do we use when someone has been very violently treated and seriously injured? Almost like there needs to be a worse word?

 

[Umafa]

I don't remember this being part of the conversation at all. I have a very difficult time with this whole this is wo...

Agreed

 

[Refuk]

You don't get to decide what is bad for somebody else based on your own experience. That's not how this works.

 

[Ivuje]

That kid will never work again and will never be able to have a wife and family. She, on the other hand, is lauded as a hero and coddled as a victim, even though she was just fingered by a guy she was making out with at a frat party. Absolutely insane.

So is this perhaps your Stockholm playing out? I don't understand why you are endeared to the boys/men and seem to have contempt for the girls/women.

 

[Uwe]

That's not what I see the OP doing, I see them trying to make sense of their own experience in a situation where language covers a huge spectrum of traumatic experience.

I'm going to remind members of @joeylittle's comments on this thread. It's a difficult and sensitive topic, with much emotional impact for many members here. If you're finding the discussion is challenging you for whatever reason, do take some time away from the thread. Members who cant manage their emotional regulation or aren't able to keep the discussion on topic and explore the issues will be thread banned

@Suzetig

 

[Etil]

Ok, you last post helps clarify a lot. I'm going to change the context a bit. Someone gets into a mild car accident caused by a drunk driver. The drunk driver is rich and doesn't get into much trouble. Not only that, he seems to get a lot of sympathy. People are outraged. What the drunk driver did was wrong. The person in the car ends up being traumatized. Could the car accident have been worse? Of course. Someone else had a car accident caused by a repeat drunk driver and was permanently disabled. They have PTSD.

On the surface, you could compare the two and say the first car accident victim shouldn't be traumatized. That the drunk driver in that case was just a kid who made a mistake. He thought he was just a bit buzzed and would be fine driving. People do it all the time. That may all be true, but it doesn't really matter. We don't know what the person in that first car accident experienced. Maybe they saw the car coming towards them and thought they would die. Maybe they had past experiences that made it especially traumatizing. There's a thousand maybes. We don't know. We can't judge that person's experience and comparing tends to bring harm to all involved.