Sexual Assault Sexual Abuse Has Ruined My Ability To Enjoy My Sexuality

[foreveralone2099]

i was sick and abandoned as a young woman and found myself in not terrible, but somewhat compromising situations which were excaberated by my lack of self esteem due to growing up in a really miserable, abusive home.

every now and again i will have an experience which will put me in touch with how love and sex is SUPPOSED to be and i'll get so angry that these stupid f*ckers f*cked it up for me; i'm in a longterm relationship with a piece of f*cken silicone because anything else is too complicated and triggering.

can you guys enjoy sex or is it ruined forever?

 

[MisterCatLady]

I'll take "ruined forever" for 1000, Alex.

 

[hodge]

Not f*cked up forever. I went several years when PTSD kicked in unable to have sex. Now I can only do it after 2-3 glasses of wine. Even that's not always a guarantee. Last night we were supposed to, then I just had a meltdown and was unable to even think about it.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Even though I had sexual abuse, and ganged raped. I was promiscuous. Many many different partners. I was looking for love I all the wrong places. Equated sex with love, love with sex. Now I'm celibate.

Be kind to yourself, have compassion for yourself, and if having an affair with a piece of silicone is all you're able to do right now, it's ok. Working on your trauma will help tons.

 

[MisterCatLady]

That's something most of us wind up working through. Currently I'm content without any sexual partners. Hopefully one day I'll work through that part of my trauma but it's too much for me to think about right now. The Courage to Heal has a chapter on reclaiming your sexuality but I'm glad it's toward the end of the book. I'm just not there yet.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@MisterCatLady We all have our own speed at which we work on what we need to. You'll get there. Just always remember that when it gets tough in therapy...... ALWAYS always be kind to yourself, have self compassion and do something nice for yourself. It helps tremendously...

 

[Gs172003]

I have a whole thread about what happened after my last one I posted just this morning.

 

[foreveralone2099]

Even though I had sexual abuse, and ganged raped. I was promiscuous. Many many different partners. I was looking for love I all the wrong places. Equated sex with love, love with sex. Now I'm celibate.

has anyone ever done this right? had okay but not loving sexual experiences as a way to ease off previous traumas? i was able to do so somewhat successfully for childhood ptsd; my sexuality is still totally f*cked tho.

as i mentioned on previous threads it was the workplace harrassment and not the promiscuity which really hurt me. i have never been in an abusive relationship and all my lovers were considerate in bed. sorry to sound as if i'm bragging, i ended up dumping all of them for being scumbags so it's not like i've got it all figured out.

seems like celibacy is the end of the road for all of us which is a shame because my sexual frustration keeps popping up in inconvenient places. do y'all still have desire? how do you manage it?

i'm totally embarrased to get in bed with someone at this point i have way too many neuroses i just want to masturbate to bbc romantic dramas.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I really think that working on your trauma, and working out the workplace harassment issues will help you. Are you in therapy???.

 

[foreveralone2099]

Are you in therapy???.

jesus christ i wish i've fired six of them already. the one i have now seems okay but it's hard to get an appointment with her.

rn i'm totally occupied talking about how traumatized i am from eight years of myalgic encephalomyelitis, the sexual stuff is way on the back burner. you guys and my diary & my yoga practice are my main outlets.

i'm such a mess. ;(

 

[Friday]

I went the promiscuous route; essentially replacing every bad memory with 1,000 good ones. In every way imaginable. What I couldn't thrash out with sex by itself, I did a bunch of exposure therapy on beforehand, and then thrashed out with sex. Not that I really knew it was exposure therapy at the time. Found that piece out later. But, yes. Very much able to enjoy sex.

 

[hodge]

Actually, I think this is one thing I've done right. I finally chose the right man to marry. He has been my rock, my major support, I can't say enough about him, but I won't bore everybody.

If it weren't for the fact that our sex life is important to him, I would be celibate, too. It's important to me, too, but I cannot envision being attracted to any other man besides him. I have issues re sex, as do so many of us. Since PTSD set in, I cannot even approach a sexual encounter with the love of my life without two glasses of wine. Pathetic.