You don't want roid-rage? I don't want wrinkles. Wanting has nothing to do with it. Extreme irritability to uncontrollable aggression is a FACT with anabolic steroids. It's a known side effect that happens to very nearly everyone who takes them. As are other cognitive and emotional changes in the brain that the user is largely unaware of, or is willfully ignorant of. To the point that even if they're filming themselves monthly to track for changes, and there is an abrupt and noticeable change? Without some incredibly solid boundaries and personal integrity, what they like is the "new" powerful (asshole) them, not the old weakling (nice) them. It's a horrifyingly predictable cycle. The more of an asshole someone becomes, the more they enjoy being an asshole. I was an athlete. At the level I competed in steroids were a well known quantity, because to move onto the next level they were very nearly required. It's not a question of if you'll have serious cognitive and emotional side effects, it's a question of which ones you will get, at what level, and what the consequences of them will be. Including jail and death and total personality change. People don't get happy on anas. They get abusive at worst, and assholish at best. It's like drinking and driving to think that you'll be "fine" / it won't happen to you, what happens to everyone else, just because you want to be. But rage isn't the only cognitive & emotional side effect. There's also paranoia, delusions, impaired judgement, increased risk of suicide, amongst others. Hormones are no f*cking joke. The don't just eat your self control, they completely alter it. ANY of these sound like a good combo with PTSD? :O_o:
And, of course, that's all aside from the serious health risks. It blows my mind people care about raisin sized testicles & baldness when if those things are happening? Your liver and kidneys and heart are being brutalized. Lemme tell ya how much fun it is having a heart attack from the strain of walking 10 feet, or to have to have someone else wipe your ass for you, and change out your catheter, because getting out of bed is too exhausting.
There's also the fact that their illegal. Which means that there is a serious risk in procurement. Not in just getting arrested and spending the next 5-10 years in prison, but also quality control, which will drastically alter both the effects & side effects, as well as how fast your body gets chewed up and spit out.
But mostly? You aren't serious. You have unmanaged PTSD. Your diet sucks, -while you've been training- so you've undoubtedly already got some serious health problems going on (bone loss & organ damage). Because your diet doesn't meet your physical needs you have no damn idea what your body is actually CAPABLE of, given the right support, nor what it's patterns are. You are half assing this, and want a short cut. Which means that you will undoubtedly also half ass the short cut. Which means the side effects will rip you a new asshole and your body will fall apart in far less time than someone who spent the time & sweat & hard work of fine tuning their body to its absolute best capacity, and learned all of it's cycles and patterns, and then went as responsibly as they could into a medically monitored steroid cycle. (Yes, there are doctors who will design & implement & monitor these very dangerous & high risk drugs).
All I see here is self harm & stupidity. No different from an anorexic snorting meth to lose weight. AKA bad idea.
