New Relationship!

[AKZ]

Hello all,
Recently I am dating a woman that is a keeper! For the past three years while struggling with my PTSD and relationships, I thought I will not date or fall for anyone, but I did, and this time, I do not want this relationship to fail. Should I ask her to read about PTSD and dating one? Should I ask her to attend a group for Families with PTSD? Your advise is needed!

Thanks!

 

[illusionist]

Maybe offer suggestions if she is showing an interest/ curiosity in this part of your life?

My advice, if you want this to work is to continually work on yourself....that's where the vast improvements will come from.

Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Hello all,
Recently I am dating a woman that is a keeper! For the past three years while struggling with m...

Definitely!!! And if my relationship as the gf of a PTSD struck combat Vet is any indicator (as well as what the other support partners have posted), you will do the following things:

• Pick fights when you are triggered
• Go into isolation mode and then pick a fight
• Spend hours doing mundane things to keep your mind busy
• Talk in your sleep
• Jerk/twitch in your sleep
• Have hypervigilance
• Have apocalyptic thoughts
• Be extremely defensive for no reason
• Jump when startled by the smallest thing
• Say nasty things to relieve your anxiety
• Reject your partner and/or her affection
• Break up with her when you start feeling the true essence of love

These are just a mix of what I have observed. There's probably many others that I just chalk up to being a man under stress. By no means am I being facetious or trying to be rude. This is just what I've observed and am currently trying to find peace with.

Most importantly, remember that you are an AMAZING human being that is worthy of love. Even when that asshole called PTSD tries sneaking in and controlling your thoughts and sabotaging your relationships.

I am a codependent so I have experience with both addicts and now PTSD. There's a commonality between the two in the respect that you have something that is almost omnipotent taking away from your real self.

You have a monster that's under your bed. To not warn someone of that monster isn't fair. To find an amazing woman that loves you is priceless. Tell her. She will love you more for it.

 

[ChelleBelle]

Definitely!!! And if my relationship as the gf of a PTSD struck combat Vet is any indicato...

Well said!!!
I'm in the beginnings of something really great with the most amazing man! I knew he had ptsd before I initiated contact with him as he's a good friend of another friend

It's been a roller coaster of i like you and then go away and everything in between. He's awaiting word from a treatment program and while we talked, txt continually he said he wouldn't meet me until after the program. We just had our first dinner together at my house and it was great. And then last night he told me to date others, he wasn't worth investing in etc.. an hour later we talked about him coming over and him wanting me to come to his place with my dog so our dogs can start knowing each other. It's all a part of his ptsd... he is scared to death of opening up to anyone and he gave me what I feel is the biggest compliment .... he said I make him feel comfortable
To me ??? I think it says a lot because the anxiety caused by his ptsd, like many is horrendous.
I will continue to ride the waves with him and so thankful I found this site to share and listen to others!

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Well said!!!
I'm in the beginnings of something really great with the most amazing man! I knew he h...

Yeah. It's like bi polar with someone who isn't nuts. Kinda like living with Cybil. That usually has a gun or two. Lol.

I'm learning though. He tells me to leave, I leave. Bye Felicia.

My bf, too, is great. But when he and his PTSD act up (they're best friends now, it's been about 11 years or more since he was in battle) I just take off. But not without telling him off first usually. Then he texts me something sweet and we forget about it all.

One thing we both have in common is that we both don't hold grudges. He used to DEVASTATE me with his coldness. But after being in these conversations, I realize I am not alone.

And it takes a VERY special person to love a combat vet. Usually they won't tell you they love you back for some time. But actions speak louder than words.

 

[StormySea]

Yeah. It's like bi polar with someone who isn't nuts. Kinda like living with Cybil. That u...

Dang this is a tough one to take on! Why does my sufferer have to be so irresistable to me? We click like crazy, have tons in common, and he's a dream come true in so many ways. This is torture. : /

 

[Newtoptsd]

Hello all,
Recently I am dating a woman that is a keeper! For the past three years while struggling with m...

Hey There,

I know you're probably looking for replies from sufferers on how they've approach talking about PTSD with their supporters and the process involved in getting them to understand more so I apologize that I am yet another supporter replying.

My combat vet never asked me to research, I did this off my own back once learning of his PTSD. I joined this forum and I'm currently onto my 5th book, listened to Pod Casts and messaged people suffering from PTSD.... I can honestly say this research has been A GOD SEND! I wouldn't have known how to handle certain situations or even begun to understand his behaviors had I not researched. I also find it helpful to research in order to know why they feel like they do which helps me in being able to be patient and understanding. The one thing I would have appreciated more than anything was for my sufferer to tell me to research or ask me to be able to understand if we were to have a future, this would have given me some security in the fact he wanted to make it work. Instead I get pushed away and it's the whole 'you deserve someone who's not mentally Ill' 'You deserve better' 'Go out and date someone normal' 'Don't miss the opportunity to date a lovely boy instead of me'.

The best gift you can give this girl is the opportunity to learn and research about PTSD and it also shows your commitment to her and to making it work long term. I think it's a lovely thing to do and it will determine her feelings for you if she carries through with it :)

In terms of what research maybe ask her what she feels comfortable with whether it be joining a support group or suggesting some books etc.

 

[AKZ]

Hey There,

I know you're probably looking for replies from sufferers on how they've approach talking...

Thank u!