Don't Blame My PTSD For Everything

[purplejaz]

I left my bf last week after a lot of issues i just cant handle anymore. Instead of looking at his own behaviour, he wants to blame it on me and my ptsd. I don't know about other sufferers, but I am my own worst enemy. I always look at my own behaviour first before others and work real hard at trying to be a better person...with or without ptsd.
He said he wanted to understand ptsd and help me, be my carer, but now its all about him, his needs, his hurt, his pain.
Maybe he needs more help than me? The biggest issue we had was his possessiveness and jealousy. He wants to totally own me, for me not to have any friends before he came along and centre my world around him. I think me having this disorder made him feel needed and I can't live a "normal" life without him 24/7. I have been on my own for years with ptsd and have coped in my own ways. I know being in a relationship means communicating better to a partner, but I will not buy into emotional blackmail by turning this around to my ptsd.
Does anyone else know how I feel?

 

[Tinyflame]

I do relate to the extent that is why I would never tell a family member. Not that they'd be "caring", but everything would be framed that way, would never recover from their secondary wounding, either. Forget it, I can see it coming, were that the case.

Yes, I for one try harder too, and usually equate it back to my own "failings".

 

[purplejaz]

I had another awakening from this break-up. because of his possessiveness, I had become isolated from family and friends and this is not good for me. Whenever I am having my bad periods of ptsd, I can go into my own blackhole - don't answer the phone, stay in bed, don't go anywhere or see anyone for days or weeks on end. Even best friends have a hard time communicating with me. Those who love me know that I will come out when I am ready, and I know when I am bad enough to see my doctor.
For someone to say they love me and then isolate me from these friendships has been cruel and selfish. It is very hard to learn to trust and make new friendships when our lives have been threatened.
Now he is included in my hypervigilence as I don't know if/when he will turn up, follow me or leave me alone. He sent me a message saying he will always love me and I can't change that.
For now, I will work on being me again and becoming stronger within myself to be in control of my needs.
Have a great day everyone..Jaz

 

[igasho]

Hi, purplejaz,

Your posting touched me...it feels so familiar. I did not experience this with a close family member but with a friend. One day she asked me, "Don't you think you react like this because of what you experienced?" and this question was not intended as a question, it was an assumption stating that I was unable to - in her eyes - act "appropriate" due to my history...and she used my ptsd in order to feel superior to me. I answered her that everybody reacts from his own experiences - she too.

I believe people with ptsd have a good inner radar telling them when people are really open to them and when not.

Friendly greetings
Igasho

 

[Laurie666]

don't blame my ptsd on everything

My gf left me because she thought I blamed her ptsd on everything and I was possesive and tried to isolate her from her freinds, I was not perfect and only ever wanted to love her. I would never follow her or just show up. I did not feel these things, she did but I can only be here for her if she wants me. Yes I do love her and yes I always will but it is her happiness and peace of mind that comes first. If you truley feel you are better off without him Jaz, then good luck and I wish you all the best.

I know you love him as much as he loves you so maybey some councelling would be worth while.

And yes he may need it more than you but the end result could be a very happy one. take care Jaz

Laurie

 

[purplejaz]

Laurie666 is the bf. He can't get me on the phone or by email so resorts to posting on here.
I want support for my ptsd and will now have to leave this forum too.
Good luck everyone!

 

[anthony]

You cannot bring personal matters upon this forum if both parties are going to argue about it. I have no issue with a partner responding. I will have an issue if it goes beyond that. I see no issue with both posts thus far.

 

[midi]

I would never follow her or just show up.

Laurie

Looks to me (if you are this guy) that you have done just what you say you don't do.

 

[TLight]

Looks to me that way too.

 

[jeapea]

This is something I think I have a pretty good grip on now.

It's ok for me to say I don't like, I don't want, please stop. I do not have to change so someone else doesn't have to. No one does that for me and I don't expect them to. I am a good person. I have a kind heart and a loving spirit. I will not let that be walked on again, or destroyed by someone who is selfish, self-centered or who has any other personal agenda. I don't have to.

Grrr.

 

[TLight]

Way to go JPS......

 

[purplejaz]

Thankyou for your support and words. JPS, you have described perfectly the way I see myself too. The messages, emails and unanswered phone calls wouldn't stop so I had to ring the police. People don't need to go this far if they stopped and listened to what others are saying.
I know how hard break ups are, I know how much it hurts. But I also know we can only change ourselves and control our own choices.
Have a great day, Jaz