Relationship Lying Cheating Wtf?!

[Wtfiswrong]

I just found out My 40 year old bf of a year and half who sufferes from c-ptsd (childhood) has been talking and flirting with girls on social media pretty much the entire time. When I confronted him he said he didn't consider it cheating.when I asked him to please explain to me how he could do this to me , to us. He told me I forced him to stay in the relationship and he should have gotten out sooner. But on the other hand he hadn't actually done anything wrong. And did it to get his mind off stress and keep occupied. He doesn't currently have a job he goes to everyday, he spend a lot of time home alone unhappy while I am at work.

My questions is we have are both adults who spend 4-6 nights together a week. We have spoken about future plans. It's like another human did this. He has suffered from ptsd since I met him struggling everyday. I just don't get it. Does ptsd cause you to do things that are out of chatachter? Could I have been so blind by his ptsd that I didn't see he was lying cheater?

Help

 

[dulcia]

Two years with mine. Caught him in the same situation a few months into our relationship and two months ago. Sucks. Doesn't smell like PTSD to me though, smells like bullsh*t.

 

[Wtfiswrong]

And you stay?!why?! I ask myself that a lot. Like how the f did I get wrapped up on this. if anyone else told me this story I'd tell them run. Ptsd has become an excuse for bad behavior. It's a shame , but it is the truth.

 

[Nicolette]

Does ptsd cause you to do things that are out of chatachter?

Sometimes yes but in saying that - PTSD is not an excuse for cheating IMHO.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It's not the PTSD causing the flirting, it's bad behavior on his part.

PTSD should not be allowed to be an excuse for bad behavior.

 

[dulcia]

Idk why I stay. One of the best things I've been asked is, if he didn't have PTSD, would you put up with the same things you're putting up with now?

 

[DharmaGirl]

That is a really good way of putting it, @tiredtexan. It's one thing putting up with occasional short outbursts followed by an apology, but a whole other thing to put up with abuse.

 

[Nicolette]

if he didn't have PTSD, would you put up with the same things you're putting up with now?

Exactly.... you can set boundaries that are reasonable and expect them to be respected and adhered to.

The problem I find is that in some subtle way (or greater for some) is that our own neediness/co-dependence (desire to be in a relationship) can thwart our best decision making abilities.

 

[dulcia]

Exactly.... you can set boundaries that are reasonable and expect them to be respected and adhered to....

^ There's the answer you were looking for about why I stay.

 

[Wtfiswrong]

Sometimes yes but in saying that - PTSD is not an excuse for cheating IMHO.

Can you elaborate please. I feel like I was dating two different people.

 

[Wtfiswrong]

^ There's the answer you were looking for about why I stay.

Oh man- I get it. I am guilty also. But the more I think about it the more I know ptsd is not an excuse but has become such an easy scapegoat on both our ends.

What does your "sufferer" say when you have confronted him? Mine almost always goes into complete shut down mode.

 

[Sighs]

our own neediness/co-dependence (desire to be in a relationship) can thwart our best decision making abilities.

I should have this on a Post-It note.