I feel like I am under attack on all sides, and I honestly can't tell if It's all in my head or not. I just moved back to my hometown after 10 years overseas. With my newborn baby. After family members had been pushing for me to move back and saying they could offer moral support for me while I raise the baby.
I honestly expected that my family members would be more supportive, but by "support" they really only mean, "We'll send the baby some clothes for Christmas." That's about the extent of it. Now, to be clear, I don't mean to imply that I wanted anyone to babysit or offer material support. Rather, I wanted MORAL support -- for someone, at least one person in my family, to try and understand how hard things are for me right now.
What I've gotten instead is one entire side of the family vilifying me because I did not go on a trip to visit them that I never committed to in the first place. My sister booked the tickets months ago, despite me telling her I could not commit to the trip and would not agree to it. i explained to my relatives that I had to work, and that since I am the sole breadwinner for my baby and have no other means of support, I have no choice but to put work first. When they pushed me -- and I mean all 4 of them pushed me, called me constantly and berated me with demands that I blow off work and go anyway -- I stressed that my situation was so precarious that if I were to lose my job, I'd probably suffer a nervous breakdown and seriously have to consider giving my own baby up. I was being serious; I was not trying to be melodramatic. I really am at the end of my rope and meant it. But I was met with a snide comment saying, "Don't play the custody card." The idea that my own family thinks it's a "card" or manipulative tactic makes me sick.
The fact that my own grandma then called me and refused to believe that i wasn't coming on the trip, then proceeded to tell me to just get fired and "live off of public aid" .... also makes me sick.
That my sister complains that I don't do more and tells me she works harder than me, and that I'm "lucky I don't have to go to work every day" -- despite the fact that I work every single day from home, with no weekends, in addition to taking care of a newborn, getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night for the past 8 months .... but yes, she must work harder than me. She considers me lazy! She constantly challenges me on how I take care of my baby, despite the fact she has no baby and has no knowledge of childcare!
The fact that friends constantly get mad at me for not being able to hang out with them, when I tell them time and time again, "No, really, I'm a single mom working an almost full-time job and raising a baby alone, with no child support and no assistance -- I don't have time to go out for coffee with you! I don't even have time to take a shower!"
And on the OTHER side of my family, I have an aunt who appears to have it in for me because I kept telling her my grandma needed more care while she was still alive, something she apparently didn't want to hear. Now that aunt is doing subtle things that seem to be out of spite. I mentioned in an earlier post that she refused to let me move into a bigger room in my grandma's house, despite me needing the space more than any of our upcoming visitors. Now her daughter occupies that room all on her own (she moved in and took over before I could move my stuff up there). It's like a big F you to me and my baby, who needs that space to be able to practice crawling.
I tried to move past that, but then another thing happened!
there is the issue of my grandma's car, which I had offered to buy numerous times while my grandma was still alive. The funny thing is, she actually wanted to sell it but kept saying, "Well, so-and-so told me not to sell it." (So-and-so being my aunt). My aunt then told other family members that the car was left to her in the will, and therefore she didn't want it sold. But it wasn't left to her in the will. It wasn't left to anyone.
But now, as executor, she is calling all the shots. Other family members had told me they had decided to let me buy the car, since I need it most. (And I stress - BUY the car ... they weren't going to give it to me). I assumed I'd be able to buy it, because that's the only scenario that makes sense.
But this aunt called up a cousin who isn't even in the will and offered to give it to him. HE already has a car. But she offered it to him at a very low rate, so there goes the car ... and there goes my ability to take my baby to doctors.
It's really hard to not take this personally and not feel like she's doing this all out of spite. It's also really difficult to not feel completely isolated and misunderstood by family members who get angry with me because I have no free time and have a huge responsibility on my shoulders.
What do I have to do for someone to understand me?
I honestly expected that my family members would be more supportive, but by "support" they really only mean, "We'll send the baby some clothes for Christmas." That's about the extent of it. Now, to be clear, I don't mean to imply that I wanted anyone to babysit or offer material support. Rather, I wanted MORAL support -- for someone, at least one person in my family, to try and understand how hard things are for me right now.
What I've gotten instead is one entire side of the family vilifying me because I did not go on a trip to visit them that I never committed to in the first place. My sister booked the tickets months ago, despite me telling her I could not commit to the trip and would not agree to it. i explained to my relatives that I had to work, and that since I am the sole breadwinner for my baby and have no other means of support, I have no choice but to put work first. When they pushed me -- and I mean all 4 of them pushed me, called me constantly and berated me with demands that I blow off work and go anyway -- I stressed that my situation was so precarious that if I were to lose my job, I'd probably suffer a nervous breakdown and seriously have to consider giving my own baby up. I was being serious; I was not trying to be melodramatic. I really am at the end of my rope and meant it. But I was met with a snide comment saying, "Don't play the custody card." The idea that my own family thinks it's a "card" or manipulative tactic makes me sick.
The fact that my own grandma then called me and refused to believe that i wasn't coming on the trip, then proceeded to tell me to just get fired and "live off of public aid" .... also makes me sick.
That my sister complains that I don't do more and tells me she works harder than me, and that I'm "lucky I don't have to go to work every day" -- despite the fact that I work every single day from home, with no weekends, in addition to taking care of a newborn, getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night for the past 8 months .... but yes, she must work harder than me. She considers me lazy! She constantly challenges me on how I take care of my baby, despite the fact she has no baby and has no knowledge of childcare!
The fact that friends constantly get mad at me for not being able to hang out with them, when I tell them time and time again, "No, really, I'm a single mom working an almost full-time job and raising a baby alone, with no child support and no assistance -- I don't have time to go out for coffee with you! I don't even have time to take a shower!"
And on the OTHER side of my family, I have an aunt who appears to have it in for me because I kept telling her my grandma needed more care while she was still alive, something she apparently didn't want to hear. Now that aunt is doing subtle things that seem to be out of spite. I mentioned in an earlier post that she refused to let me move into a bigger room in my grandma's house, despite me needing the space more than any of our upcoming visitors. Now her daughter occupies that room all on her own (she moved in and took over before I could move my stuff up there). It's like a big F you to me and my baby, who needs that space to be able to practice crawling.
I tried to move past that, but then another thing happened!
there is the issue of my grandma's car, which I had offered to buy numerous times while my grandma was still alive. The funny thing is, she actually wanted to sell it but kept saying, "Well, so-and-so told me not to sell it." (So-and-so being my aunt). My aunt then told other family members that the car was left to her in the will, and therefore she didn't want it sold. But it wasn't left to her in the will. It wasn't left to anyone.
But now, as executor, she is calling all the shots. Other family members had told me they had decided to let me buy the car, since I need it most. (And I stress - BUY the car ... they weren't going to give it to me). I assumed I'd be able to buy it, because that's the only scenario that makes sense.
But this aunt called up a cousin who isn't even in the will and offered to give it to him. HE already has a car. But she offered it to him at a very low rate, so there goes the car ... and there goes my ability to take my baby to doctors.
It's really hard to not take this personally and not feel like she's doing this all out of spite. It's also really difficult to not feel completely isolated and misunderstood by family members who get angry with me because I have no free time and have a huge responsibility on my shoulders.
What do I have to do for someone to understand me?
