Heart ❤️ Won't Stop Beating So Fast After Talking W T

[Jadie Rose]

OMG I have never felt this way before. I was so scared talking w T after dbt class, could not think at all and all came out in very strange pieces and could not explain in any sentences at all. Was all over the place and now freaking out. Plz tell me this has happened to another? Don't know how gonna get thru explaining anything about traumas dealing with, so much better at writing than speaking about anything. Feel like total crap sadly. I don't have the strength to do this in person.

 

[Muted]

i have a difficult time verbalizing things to my t as well. It's like I just can't get the words out, especially lately...

Can you write your t a letter?

 

[Jadie Rose]

i have a difficult time verbalizing things to my t as well. It's like I just can't get the words out, e...

Thx Gia1019! I email docs all the time, I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean by write a letter? You mean to explain what happened? I just don't know how I'm going to get through therapy in person if I keep hyperventilating like I did and speaking jumbled words. I get this rush of adrenaline and just want to run out and cannot think in my head to put anything together to come out. It's talking about the actual traumas that make me like this, I could probably talk with T about anything else.

 

[Jadie Rose]

I'm just scared, hate doing anything this hard totally alone, afraid of finding out/learning more about myself. Don't wanna do this anymore. just want it all to go away

 

[Muted]

Ya an email or letter, my t is quite rigid and doesn't give out her email address to me so if I send an email the receptionist gets to read it first...

I understand and have had a million thoughts in my head and couldn't verbalized any of it. I don't really trust my t anymore and she seemed tired and bored during my last session and I couldn't wait to leave.

I'm not sure what to tell you, because I'm struggling too and my mind has been blanking out today. I don't want to go back to my t.

Do you think you're having a panic attack with the adrenaline thing and hyperventilating?

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

You're facing your fears like you're seeing them played out in front of you. You have no explanation of how to explain what you feel and what you're seeing. I'm not going to say I've been there however I have had an issue talking about "things" with my T and my P (TP???? Sorry). When memories come up and I feel slapped in the face with my trauma, I stop as if someone taped my mouth shut. I start to whisper as though ..I don't know. I can't explain it. I did that in the P's office the other day and they raised the dosage on one of my meds. I asked her if what I was doing was normal and she said no. Great.
Everyone has their own reaction to different situations. You haven't faced the "screaming" yet (term I used when I haven't talked about parts of the trauma I CAN'T talk about). I wish I could hug you.
Heather

 

[amosmorris]

When I first started opening my own "Pandora's box" for months my heart raced daily at random times throughout the day, when I was in bed trying to fall asleep, etc...I guess you might think of it as your body communicating with you--telling you 1) "this is real and it's important" and 2) "take care of yourself"....Your T needs to know about the severity of your physical reactions as she should work with you to ground yourself and she should also be able to adjust the pace of the work--maybe this needs to happen more slowly. For a while my T and I had a running "snail pace" joke....Hope that might be a help.

 

[Jadie Rose]

Ya an email or letter, my t is quite rigid and doesn't give out her email address to me so if I send an...

Sorry to hear about your T, are they a trauma specialist? That really seems to make a HUGE difference! She was finishing my sentences for me since I could not speak at times about the triggers. I would give her pieces and she'd put it together, it's just that my mind actually went black and, I don't know, I'll have to record it sometime so I can better understand it and explain it if it happens again. I just got so freaked out.

Yes, maybe it was a panic attack. It sure took all night to calm down. Check into trauma therapists, you could always go see one once and see how you like it?

 

[Jadie Rose]

You're facing your fears like you're seeing them played out in front of you. You have no explan...

Thank you, Heather (Ladyghosthunter). Whooh...I know exactly what you mean, just in a different way, regarding other strange things happening that are not very common. Yes, each brain manifests itself in different ways and at different times. I'm just so glad I have trauma specialists now (it was my T :) ) because they don't look at me funny or act funny when I go through hell like did yesterday. I just had to run out of there (was in flight mode the entire time except I couldn't go anywhere because I did not understand what was happening and she immediately interjected, finishing sentences based on the pieces of info I had been able to get out in the very strangest order).

"Screaming" - I am not looking forward to that after maybe(?) the little bit I was forced to deal with yesterday, but thank you for the heads up! At least I won't be so scared and unsure (maybe?) when things happen next time...just knowing it happens to others helps tremendously and really appreciate your posting!! Oh, and I felt your virtual hug :hug:

 

[Jadie Rose]

You're facing your fears like you're seeing them played out in front of you. You have no explan...

Like your avatar, by the way!

 

[Jadie Rose]

When I first started opening my own "Pandora's box" for months my heart raced daily at random times...

That helps more than you know, Amosmorris! I thank you very kindly for the suggestions and am going to share with her. I hate that feeling like you may have a heart attack...the physical things that come up are just shocking sometimes. I had no idea I was so afraid to face my traumas, nor that they affected me this badly. Boy, adapting to this is going to be some journey, I can see now. Sucks because have shut down internally, feel zero emotions and cannot seem to turn that back on no matter what happens, so it just throws me over the edge when these things happen thus far. I will share this all with my T, just as you suggested. Thx again!

 

[amosmorris]

@Jadie Rose this has been another common theme for me: I can't turn back or undo it. Once I started to acknowledge (and I'm still in this process and it's so damn hard) the fact of the injuries/pain, it has been like I can't return to my old ways of relating or working through. So old systems don't work like they used to. Relationships change--in my case because I have childhood/developmental/interpersonal trauma issues, I've had this experience of becoming disconnected from my family, as in it all has become kind of foreign, the familiar becomes strange and even scary. It's hard. But you're in it and that's the only way through it. I'm in it too--. :hug: