Is The Goal To Remove Triggers Or Get Desensitized To Them?

[ForgotToLive]

I posted yesterday I guess moreso asking how to become desensitized to a family member who triggers me. The responses were unanimous to remove that person from my life.

My time in therapy seemed to revolve around desensitization with EMDR and such not removal. Was this a personal philospohy/bias of my T?

Is there a way to organize in my mind which kinds of triggers you are supposed to work on removing (is that avoidance?) as opposed to which ones you work on becoming desensitized to (aka overcomming)?

Maybe you remove all you can (like people) and then desensitize the rest (like traumatic memories)?

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I had to stop talking to my Brother. He stil just cares about my weight, and the fact that I am unsuccessful. He was abusive most of my life. He hardly talks to the family at all though. I am working through the rest of my family as they have changed, but I get triggered bad sometimes. It hurts, but we have always loved each other. For me I think I need to work through it because I love them so much. It's hard I realize I need to change because we don't have a time machine. I think weighing the positive and negative of them in my life was important. My brother is who he is, but everyone else has changed. I just need to catch up.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I had to stop talking to my Brother. He stil just cares about my weight, and the fact that I am un...

@MyDogsLoveMe my sister use to call me "crazy" and would make fun of me, talk down to me was not very nice person to be around. We, at this time, do not have a relationship.

I posted yesterday

I have long wanted to have a healthier relationship with my bio-sister and my half-sister. So far, not happening. A lot of damage in all three of our lives. And I have left the door open for both. I know that we all three were severely damaged from trauma, and I also now as other members have urged you in your first post on this subject, to try and keep focus on yourself in recovery and moving forward. I have grieved and now must work hard in emdr therapy regardless of what my sisters are doing. It's my time now. And that feels good saying. Life Iwas always about how they felt, who they were, and what they were doing. I love both of them very much. We never had a chance back then because there was no foundation on which any of us to build a healthy loving sibling relationship with one another. I do not blame them most days. I get we have and continue to be effected by the fallout of our "caregivers". I will always love them, they too went through Hell. I do not lean on either of them for any type of support, never have, never will, and one of them is wealthy (through marriage).

You from what I have read tried to keep all balls in the air; everyone's head afloat and from drowning. It's my time now. And as you (I) get healthier, and can handle w/o being trapped into your family sucking the life force out of you, you may be able to call them, and/or go see them for a short visit, etc. without having to feel guilty and obligated into fixing them. For I cannot fix myself - am seeing an emdr specialist now (next session will be 9th). How many emdr sessions have you had? And emdr desensitizes and reprogams the brain.

And I don't know if one can desensitize you or me from all painful responses to life and people in it. emdr can desensitize the trauma and reprogram the brain to replace negative - and send out more positive messaging (replacing negative self-destructive messaging). My understanding is that the traumatic memories will still be there and I will not be sensitized and reactive to them (emdr) and I do have strong boundaries now (never before) of whom I can be around and I guard who comes around me like a ferocious wolf. Some people will eat me for lunch (figuratively) if I allow them. You have the power (I, as well) over who I let into my inner sanctum, and into my home, and into my life. There are some people (business) ex. where I live, neighbors, people out in community that I am exposed to. Some nice - some not so much. And I have to pull up my big girl panties and assert and articulate. I will not be dragged psychologically through mud anymore - by what others - think - about me. I am no longer of victim status. Nor am I a rescuer. I am an encourager, and show mercy and love. I cannot fix what is broken. Only God can do that.

I wish so much there was a place I could go to where I would not be triggered by stimuli in the world. Don't believe for me with prolonged complex ptsd there is such a place. Even my mind (just started emdr) plays old trauma memories and verbal, sexual tapes. I stop them by: talking to God; good movies; good people around me and in my life; good music (inner-child meditative), and going to work out and walking, emdr, this forum, naps, meds, and members here. Peace and Love. I care about you and am so glad you post. You are helping me and so many others by posting your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, questions. Thank you for your bravery. (hugs) JadesJewel

 

[FireSign8]

It has taken me many years to learn ways to deal with troublesome people who trigger my violent side. I just learned to know when to avoid rather than have to retreat. I now go by my gut instinct & must avoid large crowds & never go to movie theatres, sporting events, or restaurants. I read up on EMDR & I think it might push me to a place I never want to be. I was part of some experimental strobe therapy back in the late 1960's in my teenage years. I guess it was the pre-cursor to EMDR? The procedure, drugs, & forced institutional living arrangements left me with a distain for the mental health "professionals". I guess we all have to deal with our PTSD issues in a way that is beneficial to ourselves & to those around us. Drunk people & high people are some my worst triggers. I have a 5 minute rule when talking or interacting with one of them! Yet, a person can stick a gun in my face & it doesn't phase me one little bit! I like the honesty of seeing what's coming at me. A few hours later, I generally ask myself if it was wise to remain calm or assume the role of an equal in hopes my assailant would move onto their next victim & leave me alone. I suppose that's fk'd up, but it works for me....so far!<<<example of how I cope with triggers.

 

[Friday]

Desensitizing triggers work because they're harmless.

Abusers, by definition, aren't harmless.