Hey everyone,
This is the first time I've ever made a post regarding this before, so it's a bit nerve wracking. But here goes,
My name is Alex and I'm 26 (27 tomorrow) and have been dealing with PTSD and RTS since I was about 9 years old. My step mom who was 21 at the time would wait until my dad went to work nightshifts before starting with sexual advances (taking off her clothes in front of me, trying to make me shower with her, reading a magazine full of bikini clad women and pointing out their 'assets'). Eventually this grew into entering my room at night, touching, oral, and other things. It got to its worst around age 11 when she began threatening to castrate me (genital trauma in movies, jokes, etc. is my #1 trigger, and unfortunately a common theme in movies and tv shows) if I told anyone what she was doing. This then turned into her displaying an arousal for torture, which left scars on parts of my body that no one should have scars on. After my father divorced her when I was 12, she eventually remarried, named her son after me and would send birthday cards each year for 4 more years saying "Never Forget <3".
Now, in my late 20's, engaged and with a 5 year old daughter - I try every day to overcome the constant barrage of triggers as best I can. Society trivializes or enjoys genital trauma and castration as jokes, movie revenge plots, and funny comedic purposes - which makes me terrified of anyone who so much as chuckles or observes these occurrences. Add the accidental flying feet of death from my kid, the constant fear of being hit in the groin, and being triggered and sent into a flashback/sobbing mess when it might happen (doesn't even hurt or have to make contact, a near miss will do it) - and you get a daily struggle.
I've had tremendous trouble finding support for it; from therapists saying men don't get raped or they don't work with male victims, to ex partners who made jokes about it with their girlfriends. So if anyone happens to know of anything that might help, whether a site - therapist - or what have you, I would be so very grateful for any support. Also, I hope this wasn't TMI - it just all kind of came out as I typed...
Thank you.
This is the first time I've ever made a post regarding this before, so it's a bit nerve wracking. But here goes,
My name is Alex and I'm 26 (27 tomorrow) and have been dealing with PTSD and RTS since I was about 9 years old. My step mom who was 21 at the time would wait until my dad went to work nightshifts before starting with sexual advances (taking off her clothes in front of me, trying to make me shower with her, reading a magazine full of bikini clad women and pointing out their 'assets'). Eventually this grew into entering my room at night, touching, oral, and other things. It got to its worst around age 11 when she began threatening to castrate me (genital trauma in movies, jokes, etc. is my #1 trigger, and unfortunately a common theme in movies and tv shows) if I told anyone what she was doing. This then turned into her displaying an arousal for torture, which left scars on parts of my body that no one should have scars on. After my father divorced her when I was 12, she eventually remarried, named her son after me and would send birthday cards each year for 4 more years saying "Never Forget <3".
Now, in my late 20's, engaged and with a 5 year old daughter - I try every day to overcome the constant barrage of triggers as best I can. Society trivializes or enjoys genital trauma and castration as jokes, movie revenge plots, and funny comedic purposes - which makes me terrified of anyone who so much as chuckles or observes these occurrences. Add the accidental flying feet of death from my kid, the constant fear of being hit in the groin, and being triggered and sent into a flashback/sobbing mess when it might happen (doesn't even hurt or have to make contact, a near miss will do it) - and you get a daily struggle.
I've had tremendous trouble finding support for it; from therapists saying men don't get raped or they don't work with male victims, to ex partners who made jokes about it with their girlfriends. So if anyone happens to know of anything that might help, whether a site - therapist - or what have you, I would be so very grateful for any support. Also, I hope this wasn't TMI - it just all kind of came out as I typed...
Thank you.
