I Have A Serious Dilemma In Emdr Therapy For Complex Trauma

[Deleted member 39476]

I've been in therapy for 8 months with an excellent, kind, and caring therapist who I respect and like a lot, but a lot of trauma that I was not aware of came up during therapy, I have gotten much worse since therapy began, chronic dissociation is preventing any real progress, and is also making it extremely difficult to work. I am not getting enough therapy in my opinion, I go twice a month when I should probably be going four times, but I cannot afford 4 times, as 2 times is already 60% of my income. I am not functional or happy enough to continue working as well as going to therapy twice a month and strongly desire to quit my job every single day constantly even though it is an extremely low stress job externally speaking. If I quit my job I must also quit my therapy which could spell disaster for my life in the long term.

So in a nutshell my dilemma is: I can't afford financially to go 4 times a month, I can't afford mentally to go twice a week as well as work, because working is extremely difficult with dissociation, and I definitely cannot afford mentally or physically to quit my job and stop going.

I guess theoretically an alternative would be trying to find a new therapist, but this guy is legitimately probably the best one in this field in my city, and I like him very much, I don't feel like therapy is going wrong because of him or his process, but mainly because I have very serious issues and very serious defense mechanisms that we weren't aware of when I began therapy. On top of that its probably not a good idea to quit EMDR in the middle.

 

[Esterio]

I've been in therapy for 8 months with an excellent, kind, and caring therapist who I respect and like...

hi jameson Thanks for the post. i am in BC and I to could not afford therapy either so a poverty law advocate told me to go to the mental health department and refer myself to a therapist that does EMDR for PTSD Complex Trauma and I lucked out and it is all covered for me. I am getting 1 session for 90 min per week. I also seem to get along with the therapist. I did phyco therapy can't tell you the name of it but it was meds and talk it absolutely destroyed my life. they told me that I need lots of time and I should be prepared as it can be very difficult to get through. What my T told me before we began is we will tackle the bad stuff for most of the session but for the last 10 min or so he would get me talking about good stuff so when i leave i'm feel better and so for when i walk out I have felt better but it doesn't last. I have been having a hard time so far. then I come here. some how you need to stay in therapy it is important. 17 years of none has knock me down almost destroyed. I hope you can continue with therapy and that you start to see some positive results.
Be Safe Peace

 

[Friday]

Have you talked with your therapist about this pickle to get their thoughts?

 

[Jadie Rose]

As @Friday suggesred, talk with your therapist. I spoke with one of mine that was not covered by my insurance and she saw how messed up I was, and how poorly my insurance carrier providers were treating me, she agreed to see me at $30 a session (normally $150 per session), two times a week, for many months until she had to leave on sudden medical leave (makes me sad I'll never see her again, she was 76 but looked and acted like in her 50's - she was like a mom to me).

Obviously all T's are different - now I prefer to work slower with carrier's Trauma team, to build more trust. It never hurts to ask.

 

[Deleted member 39476]

As @Friday suggesred, talk with your therapist. I spoke with one of mine that was...

I've brought up how I could not continue as things are, although I have not specifically asked for advice on the situation as that is not a therapists job. Every time I bring up the fact that I'm getting increasingly suicidal, and that I cannot live my life like this, we try different coping strategies or different therapy approaches with the goal of stabilization, but even at the most gradual pace, with a strong emphasis on taking it slowly and at my own speed, as well as a strong emphasis on trying to remain stable and maintain my life, I get worse each week.

 

[eloc]

My T of two years gave me EMDR mp3s as well as relaxation and hypnosis on Mp3 -stuff fo sleep stuff for anxiety etc right at the start for me to use inbetween my weekly and then fortnighly sessions and there are some free apps you can download as well. I alos bought a diet and exercise related one that actually recognised a lot of the psychological stuff behind eating and not moving and I got moving again - which helped me heaps The guy who sells this is a cancer survivor and my sister met one of his successes a woman traumatised and injured in a plane crash- she lost 30 kg in a month so I gave it a go and I lost 20 kgs in 9 months and am still moving - which helps with mood as well. I am without therapy now because I have no income and about $2.50 in my pocket and 250 dollars hidden for emergencies - I ask my husband for money for the kids and the bills but his budget does not stretch to therapy either so for now I swim , I listen toMP3 s when I need to and I keep life as simple as possible and withdraw and avoid triggers - stable but still sitting with PTSD that does not allow me to work and function emotionally all the time. I keep busy with odd things one of them being learning a new script that works from left to right. I write in both languages in one document and am constantly going left right right left - a linguistic EMDR - it seems to make my mind work better and I am enjoying using my brain for a low stress purpose. I have read that part of recovery is acceptance that some things are life altering and the goal of therapy is to find a level of acceptance and functionality and not to get back to some pre trauma state- that has helped me as I really tried to get back to work - first by studying and it made everything so much worse. Now I am just trying to be level - things are still percolating up that I did not even realise were issues so somehow I get activated and then retreat and take time to understand it better.