Sufferer Hi There! Roslie22

[Roslie22]

Hi everyone,

My name is Roslie and im a 22 y.o female who was diagnosed with PTSD in 2016 (but i've had it a lot longer i believe , probably 8 years?)

I've come to this form to better understand my condition but also to support others , with anything I might know or have also experienced.

Although I have improved after my diagnosis, and over the years, due to some chronic illness issues and a some other unfortunate events, like a creep trying to film me in a changing room and almost getting into a physical fight with him last year..

I still have problems with

insomnia: (racing thoughts)
Anger episodes: (triggered by conscious or subconscious reminders of past abuse - for e.g if I think someone has tried to do me wrong, e.g a service-store clearly ripping me off) but i'm trying to challenge myself to reduce the amount of time it takes me to calm down.
(a lot less common now) dissociation & nightmares

I think starting my time here I would like to investigate more about my anger and read around. I feel like i'm slightly stigmatising myself because you would assume that females wouldn't be AS angry as I can be :S.

Nice to meet you all!! :)

Roslie

 

[ladee]

Welcome..We have plenty of People working on anger issues.
Lots of helpful self regulation tools, grounding, self care.
Happy you found our healing community and hope to see you around.

 

[Roslie22]

Welcome..We have plenty of People working on anger issues.
Lots of helpful self regulation tools, groundi...

Thank you so much Iadee!
Not sure why I kept thinking I was in the minority reg. anger!
see you around! :)

 

[Dannyuk78]

Hi there and welcome,

Anger has been a driving force for me and being as i like to be in complete control of myself losing the plot creates all sorts of problems.

you will find alot of people have very similar symptoms and reactions so i hope you can connect and find help here.

my therapist said to me that one of the best ways to help PTSD is to research and make connections with people that are also going through it.

 

[ladee]

Many women are shamed for their anger..so we don't hear it talked about much. Here..you get to express that anger. There is even a thread to let it all out..
As long as we don't go after each other,or Admin and mods..we have freedom of expression here..no judgement.
So You have found the right place to start making sense of your pain.
You are not alone.

 

[Roslie22]

Hi there and welcome,

Anger has been a driving force for me and being as i like to be in complete co...

I feel you Danny .. I hate when I'm not in control ! The theme of powerlessness is a recurring thing for many...
Thanks ! :) I should have come here earlier...

 

[Roslie22]

Many women are shamed for their anger..so we don't hear it talked about much. Here..you get to express th...

Hi ladee!
That's true, I've had quite a few people saying they can't imagine me getting angry (appearance and temperament not affected by ptsd ) or listening to 'deep rap' according to my Spotify summary..


Definitely ...
Thank you :)

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Hi everyone,

My name is Roslie and im a 22 y.o female who was diagnosed with PTSD in 2016 (but i've h...

Hello @Roslie22 I too most certainly do relate to having my own anger issues; I have anger, and also rage at times all related to trauma history. I struggle so with authoritative figures who abuse their power. Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely. And I am learning to not allow cruel and hurting people to take their hurt and pain out on me. I am so glad you are here! @Roslie22.

You will learn a lot about ptsd (I have prolonged complex ptsd) here as I am certainly doing so myself. And as @ladee shared, here in this place, you are allowed to express your anger and learn to become honest about how you think and feel, yourself. As I continue to learn more here and in emdr therapy my mind and my entire way of thinking, feeling, and doing is just now beginning to change more positively. I learn more and more here in this wonderful forum through kind, compassionate, and caring members. Friend here. Message me anytime. JJ

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Yeah...anger can be a powerful emotion. Scares a lot of people and as has already been mentioned, people can try to shame you for it. I tend to bottle it up and explode privately where and when I know I won't be judged.

I think anger is part of the journey for a lot of PTSD sufferers. I'm by nature a very passive person, however occasionally, not so much.

It's actually a lot more healthy to find safe ways to let it out.

Really hope to see you around.

 

[Roslie22]

Hello @Roslie22 I too most certainly do relate to having my own anger issues; I h...

Hi there JadesJewel & stp2012!

wow.. Jades.. you know I was reading a lot about CPTSD as well, and I think if it was considered "official" in the DSM I would have been diagnosed with it instead? because I had long term trauma also. Im so glad youre finding this website helpful and I think youre definitely on the right path. Its extremely helpful to be able to talk about things with people who wont stigmatise. In real life, if I meet one person who understands ptsd im usually in shock haha!

Yes thats right stp2012 I don't think i've experienced direct shame for it , but thats only because I tend to hide it and express it in milder forms to people, so they dont have the full picture anyway. I agree, if I kept it in my face would permanently be red! haha

I can definitely relate to having issues power figures. and if i understood correctly Jades, you're working on setting boundaries from other toxic people? If so, I can relate as well, and also stp2012 regarding the passiveness.
I am also notoriously stubborn for not following orders so to speak which are irrational.
I remember in high school getting into a fight with a new deputy principle who was clearly very narcissistic, and he hated me for the fact that i didn't stand down to his nonsense just because he was 'higher up', but because what he wanted was irrational, i didn't get in trouble for not doing it.

Regarding boundaries and toxic people.
I just removed one of my long term friends because she was extremely overbearing and putting all her insecurities and obsessiveness on me, (treating me like a therapist attached to a ball and chain :) )
and when I finally put my foot down she didn't talk to me for 2 months when she would contact me at all hours every day.

When confronting her, she tried to play it off saying its nobodies fault and shes changed after her trip overseas, hardly apologised/excused and then said shes not obligated to feel a certain way to our 6 year long close friendship. all in a very diplomatic way.

After being conditioned due to how I was treated when I was young, that I can't set proper boundaries because I would be punished if I did,

( I wonder if anyone else can relate to this?)

I trusted my gut this time, which I learnt to do in therapy. I Read our old chats, and found some quotes where she talks about herself trashing her ex-bf (strikingly similar event) , going through friends, also that shes putting me through what I experienced as a child but in a mild form. I was freaking out a lot.

Then my rage came in, because I was wronged, again!

So I sent her own quotes back to her, dissected her 'excuse message' and then told her not to talk to me again and I think shes toxic.
About a day later, I realise she probably has BPD and felt a bit sorry. I found out a lot of strange things which as a close friend of hers, she kept secret from me on purpose. Including major jealousy towards me.

After blocking her she found a way to contact me, and said i've hurt her and she won't forgive me. once again about her.

As painful as the above was, it gives us opportunities each time to get better at keeping toxic people out of our lives, and not letting them let out their pain on us. No matter what the cause, it's not fair and we don't deserve it! and also that other people don't determine our self worth, even though they try to do so!

See you guys around!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@Roslie22 It's so good to hear from you; yes I have extreme boundaries where noxious and toxic sick people are concerned. I am Christian, and I pray for them A LOT! There are hurting people and some people who seem to be well (facade) when I am not being extra cautious will figuratively stick a knife right in my heart! Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me! Although I have thought some people are in recovery after having a few communications with them, I found that they were very argumentative, disrespectful, and wearing masks. Good intentions I thought, then discovered they were the cut-throat type of people, with a very dark, even black heart and they were unable to show consistent compassion and were very judgmental. I have learned that how other people act towards others in a negative cruel manner has nothing to do with me.
And very sick people will unsuccessfully try to negatively label unsuspecting people who are kind to them, in order to elevate themselves, in an unsuccessful attempt to diminish their unsuspecting targeted individual; who initially has no idea they had a bullseye on their back and the person was taking aim and firing negative behaviors at them. I am up to a point somewhat naive, and I try to only see the good in everyone. Not everyone is good. There is evil in this world. Pure unadulterated evil masquerading as good people. And there are people who have tried and failed in therapy and so they walk around gloming their doom and gloom onto kind and loving again unsuspecting loving people who are in recovery and who are learning to trust again and are somewhat gullible and initially unable to see the evil, for looking so hard for the good. Hope you have a restful evening. JJ

 

[Roslie22]

Hi @JadesJewel !
I agree with the hurt twice shame on us, I felt really bad after looking back at my old friendship because I could have stopped it sooner!
Thats very good that you have extreme boundaries with those types of people.
I find that I can spot them pretty well, but for the elusive ones that you're describing, I tend to just see the good part of them , and then later on when its almost too late (because i should have listened to my intuition) , I cut them off completely because I realised a second more wasn't going to help anyone...

that's right, their behaviour definitely has nothing to do with you!

" who are learning to trust again and are somewhat gullible and initially unable to see the evil" that has been me the majority of these last 6 years or so. But then again, I think in some cases its impossible for anyone to spot immediately, depending on how well the other person can wear the mask! So we shouldn't be too too hard on ourselves!
Just to remember to trust our gut, especially if we were taught growing up not to!

Thankyou! hope you have a good evening too!