Hi! So here I am, a 25-year-old woman from Northern Europe here, struggling to know where to start. I'm starting therapy again next Monday and I'm quite scared but excited to get into the root of my issues, hoping I could learn some healthier coping skills, so that my symptoms would not control my life so much. I became very ill when I was around 9 and spent the next six years in a wheelchair and often hospital-bound. When I was 12 and still quite ill, an adult man that my neighbour knew molested me for six months. He used to drive me to a secluded spot in a forest, knowing that I could not escape because I couldn't walk much. I didn't seek help because I blamed myself for letting myself get abused. I learned to survive it by "leaving my body" and imagining I wasn't there when he took advantage of me. After that, I was comfortably numb for many years, unable to connect with my feelings.
When I was a little younger, my brother was diagnosed with his first psychotic episode and was hospitalized for five months. My parents didn't have much time to look after me and my younger brother because my brother was so ill. He was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and had several psychotic episodes. I often cared for him in this state, so his severe delusions and hallucinations became quite a norm in our house.
Last year my mum went into a routine surgery and had a sudden and unexpected brain stem stroke at 49. She fell into a coma and was unconscious for nine months. I watched her almost die many times and saved her from being suffocated twice. She eventually woke up but is severely disabled, unable to talk, walk or eat. I had to move back home to look after my brother since my mum was my brother's caretaker but I have since moved out and abroad. My mother was always my rock, so I'm quite lost without her, trying to accept her condition and support her as much as I can. I can't remember much from those early months of her hospitalization but I do remember passing out and my body feeling completely numb. I still get totally numb and cold everytime my phone rings. I have a lot of nightmares of my mother dying. My symptoms are quite physical, shaking, heart problems, panic attacks, feeling unreal and dissociating (I think, I'm not sure if that's what I'm experiencing) when I'm stressed. It doesn't help that I'm a graduate student and under a lot of stress at the moment.
Thank you if you managed to read this far. :) I'm very glad to know I'm not alone, I can't really talk to my friends about these because I don't want to burden them.
When I was a little younger, my brother was diagnosed with his first psychotic episode and was hospitalized for five months. My parents didn't have much time to look after me and my younger brother because my brother was so ill. He was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and had several psychotic episodes. I often cared for him in this state, so his severe delusions and hallucinations became quite a norm in our house.
Last year my mum went into a routine surgery and had a sudden and unexpected brain stem stroke at 49. She fell into a coma and was unconscious for nine months. I watched her almost die many times and saved her from being suffocated twice. She eventually woke up but is severely disabled, unable to talk, walk or eat. I had to move back home to look after my brother since my mum was my brother's caretaker but I have since moved out and abroad. My mother was always my rock, so I'm quite lost without her, trying to accept her condition and support her as much as I can. I can't remember much from those early months of her hospitalization but I do remember passing out and my body feeling completely numb. I still get totally numb and cold everytime my phone rings. I have a lot of nightmares of my mother dying. My symptoms are quite physical, shaking, heart problems, panic attacks, feeling unreal and dissociating (I think, I'm not sure if that's what I'm experiencing) when I'm stressed. It doesn't help that I'm a graduate student and under a lot of stress at the moment.
Thank you if you managed to read this far. :) I'm very glad to know I'm not alone, I can't really talk to my friends about these because I don't want to burden them.
