Possible To Provide Support In Tiny Ways?

[EmmaOwl]

So I've been plain old anxious, depressed, unstable.... for a number of months. Frustrating. I am in desperate need of an upswing.

But in reaction to these lows.... I've been keeping an extra careful eye out on trauma diaries or other very traumatic postings. Not that they all would bother me, but I am trying to be especially sensitive to myself. But then I feel like I am not "doing my part." I can manage small group sharing - and would like to increase my participation in such things - but other than that I am stepping to the side, and sometimes using this time to work at being positive and helpful about small hurts, or offering advice and support about less traumatic issues.

Sometimes I feel like I am faking it... In some ways I am. But it's like that thing - forcing oneself to smile can improve a person's mood. I hate it - I feel like it's a "pop" thing... but I've been grudgingly persuaded that it can happen.

I am learning by doing. A lot of times I am echoing what others say. For example, hugs! I don't mind when people send them to me, but IRL I am not much of a huggy person. There are different rules on a message board. So sometimes I like the hugs, and during my time spent around here, I now realize that I can help people at least a little bit, showing support with hugs. Or whatever positive thing I can manage.

It doesn't mean I can't read or listen to tough stuff... but I am being especially careful with myself, while I feel fragile. I like to think that I can still contribute, even when I am in difficulties myself. If I can't provide substantial support to even those closest to me, then damn it all - I will do my best to provide whatever tiny bits of support that I can manage.

I feel like it's not "me" and it doesn't come naturally... But if it's not me, then who is it? I guess it's me, trying to be a better person. But I have this view of myself as such a crank, and a curmudgeon! How to juggle this. I wish I knew!

 

[ladee]

A hug and a silly emoticon can be enough.Somtimes we just want to know someone is thinking about us.
It is you. You are taking small steps to internalize it.
Makes it more REAL for you in he long run.

 

[One step at a time]

On the topic of hugs and other ways people offer support around here... would it help to think of them as signals? You might not mean to say "if we were IRL this would be the moment when I would hug you" but you might be saying "Even though I can't change your situation, I am here supporting you and I care" or something along those lines?

 

[EmmaOwl]

A hug and a silly emoticon can be enough.Somtimes we just want to know someone is thinking about us.

Yes, ladee! I try to think, "What would make me feel better?" Just a little notice. And sometimes it is "online hugs" :)

would it help to think of them as signals?

Yup. That's something I do. Online hugs are different from IRL hugs! Thanks for the suggestions and support!

 

[ladee]

You do support others. You have a clear way of expressing yourself. I always like reading you.
I am a "huggy" person..and love hugs.
More than anything..when we come here we want to be heard.
You read and hear. That is a wonderful thing.
Glad you are here.

 

[EmmaOwl]

You do support others. You have a clear way of expressing yourself. I always like reading you.

ladee you couldn't have said anything that made me happier than this. Thank you. (((hugs))) :)

 

[ladee]

((((((Allie D)))))).
And accepting your hugs with a smile on my face!!
Isn't this a wonderful place...we are our self a certain way..we share and Find out people don't see us the same. A bunch of new mirrors to reflect back the good and right in us.
I am very happy we share space here.
Gentle hugs!:inlove:

 

[Recovery4Me]

It is nice of you to have courage and offer support as companionship rarely goes unnoticed. So thank you.

For me there are periods when I can give and periods when I need to refuel inside. So I understand, not feeling it at times- perhaps there are many of us that do. However, that is the beauty of giving (for me), I have not had anyone pressure me if I felt spent and therefore the times that I do are from my heart.

I see that in you...it is from your heart and I thank you for being present among the board. :hug:s (if you feel like accepting today);) and gratitude for meeting you.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Wow, everyone's saying such kind things on this thread! But to everyone reading and commenting and also anyone who can't manage to comment for any reason - we all have highs and lows - I think these things right back to you guys. I am glad because that's what I aim for. I know it's not a revolutionary idea, but often the only positive thing I can imagine doing in my life, is attempting to be helpful to others. I used to find faith in beauty, and value in its sharing - be it language, or architecture, or the raw earth; there are more permutations than can be named - but I lost that. I'd like to get it back some day. But meanwhile. I am sick. As for *really* helping people, I think of that as something for the distant future but it's amazing what can add up, when I feel like such a clod.

And of course there are days I can give a lot, and days I cannot give at all. Days I can't imagine anything positive ever happening to anyone, anywhere. There are ebbs and flows that most everyone here is accustomed to, I think. How do I know how to help people? I try to imagine what would help me, and sometimes a kind word is all that's needed - or at least a beginning.

I've mentioned elsewhere - I generally keep granola bars with me in the car; I've got "my" vet, I sometimes see at a stoplight nearby in the wintertime - I give him something to eat when I can, but then I invariably think, gosh I should do more to help others... So I try to reduce it to plain action, and remember - this guy has something to eat today. (I really don't know what more could be done for this particular man - there are available services. When I called him "sir" he says, "Aw, I'm not 'sir'; I was just a sergeant." I'm quite fond of him!) Or of course if I see someone else in need. Anyway that's my condensed story. If I can create one positive thing for one person on one day, well sure I'd like to do more.. but that small bit is worthwhile. The fact that something is small, doesn't invalidate what has actually been done. Thank you for everyone who supports me, in, um, my efforts to support others! :confused: :wacky: :x3:


Maybe in addition to the cup theory we should have the granola bar theory :) That would be interesting shorthand!

 

[ladee]

Great post!
You are appreciated!
So glad you are here!
Gentle hugs!

 

[anonymous]

I personally don't read trauma diaries except once in a blue moon. I'm a regular reader and poster, but I don't even open that particular forum very often. It's simply not my focus.

Sometimes, when dealing with a lot of my own stuff, I just read and comment on one or two sub-forums. I don't have the time or the capacity to read it all and still be able to ofter any support.

I had never thought about it as being something where I don't give enough back because of avoiding some parts of the forum and focusing on others. I don't feel like people who avoid a post or sub-forum are not giving enough.

I'm simply glad people are taking care of themselves.

As for me, it's simply a matter of being able to give better support by staying within my limits.

That's generally how it works in my life offline too. I'm glad when people say "no" to some things because then I know I can trust their "yes."

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I feel like it's not "me" and it doesn't come naturally... But if it's not me, then who is it? I guess it's me, trying to be a better person. But I have this view of myself as such a crank, and a curmudgeon! How to juggle this. I wish I knew!

Funny you say this because I am going through a similar transition. We all change. Relax, you are going to be okay.