Relationship For Those Who Tried To Support Me And All The Supporters Here

[Deadman]

I dithered about whether I should this here or in the suffers section but its for all you supporters out there so I’m putting it here. Its also for the people who tried to support me in my battle with PTSD.


Know this. If I could magically undo one thing in my life it wouldn’t be the trauma. It wouldn’t be my PTSD. I would undo the hurt I know I caused to those of you who loved me.

Sometimes I knew my actions would hurt you. Sometimes I didn’t. But it was never intentional. No matter how sick I was I always wanted to do right by you all. I just thought you were safer without me. I thought the love you showed couldn’t be real.

I was afraid that if I let you look at me up close you would see the Monster inside. I was afraid to see the disappointment in your eyes. I was afraid you would reject the new me. So I pushed you away.

You were not responsible. The broken brain, the faulty thinking were mine and mine alone. You were not responsible for my failures. Those were mine too.

I know that I sometimes blamed you for things beyond your control. Please know that I recognize that now.

I’m am truly sorry for the pain I caused you.

I’m sorry.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

:hug:

No words at the moment. Just know I resonate with every word.

~ a fellow sufferer ~

 

[grimalkin]

@Deadman Tears. I have no words. That was...so kind. I had no idea how much I needed to see just that, right at this moment.

And I am so sorry for the pain your illness causes you, all of you.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Deadman What @grimalkin said. Thank you ❤

 

[Buttercup]

Tears from me as well. And many hugs! All I can think now, from a supporters point of view, is I hope you're ok. <3

 

[Friday]

Know this. If I could magically undo one thing in my life it wouldn’t be the trauma. It wouldn’t be my PTSD. I would undo the hurt I know I caused to those of you who loved me.

Yep. Agreed.

 

[dulcia]

I hope you're doing okay today @Deadman, and THANK YOU

 

[Deadman]

Don't worry. I'm doing very well actually.

It must have been brewing in me for a while. When I saw the hurt in the supporter forums I suddenly knew I had never sincerely apologized for the hurt I had caused to mine. Its too late for me to repair many of my relationships but I've sent a copy of the apology to my ex. I've burned a copy and I'll scatter those ashes where I scattered my father's.

I view all this as a big step forward. I have some empathy back. I owe that realization to all of you here in the supporter forums.

 

[Buttercup]

I am verythromycin happy to read this @Deadman. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It's pretty inspirational. I'm glad you're doing well.

Dang autocorrect can really ruin a message!

*very

 

[dulcia]

verythromycin happy HAHA!

e·ryth·ro·my·cin
iˌriTHrəˈmīsin/
noun

1. an antibiotic used in the treatment of infections caused by Gram-positive bacteria. It is similar in its effects to penicillin.

I think it was @BlueOrange I saw on another thread describe PTSD as a trauma, but with a bacterial infection that will fester if you don't tend to it so maybe this was more appropriate than you think, @tlc :p

 

[Buttercup]

verythromycin happy HAHA!

e·ryth·ro·my·cin
iˌriTHrəˈmīsin/
noun

1. a...

LOL! :dead:

 

[BlueOrange]

The most painful trauma I ever experienced was not something that was done to me as a kid, it's something I did as a father and husband. I'd like to share in that apology, if I may. I'm also sorry, and I think that @Deadman chose some wonderful words that express this important thing really well.