General Advice On Ptsd, Video Games W/ Buddies

[Faith1234]

Ok.. So I am having a hard time understanding something...

My bf of 7 years plays video games all the time, like take today for example.

He has literally been down stairs since 8am this morning and he has come up to refill his cup of coffee a few times, and grab him something for lunch. I didn't see him again until 5pm when I went down there to ask him a question and then I went back upstairs. I made dinner about 630, he came up and fixed his plate and sat down to eat before me and my son had time to fix our plate and sit to eat. He was done and then went back down stairs.

But back to understand something.. I always here him laughing a talking to his friends on xbox one live.. But he never laughs and jokes with me its normally always a serious face.. I guess these actions just hurt.. Hurt really bad! He is always down stairs playing video games and laughing and joking with his buddy on xbox live, every once in a while he will come up and sit on the couch "while on the lap top" and watch tv, but mostly in silence. but if my son asks for interaction which he did ask tonight and my bf lets out a stern "No"...

I have asked my bf a few times.. what did I do? or what's wrong.. he either says nothing or I don't know.. I just don't understand.. He can be so nice and laughing with friends, but when it comes to me or my son that he has been with for 7 years.. Its like we don't matter, and we are more of a burden to him being here... I just don't get how he can be one way with friends and buddies but totally serious faced and non talkative to me and my son of 7 years, even though we have never done anything. I mean I just hear laughing coming from down stairs all the time.. It honestly makes me very upset sometimes.. But I just hush and just find something to do.

I don't always feel this way, I try very hard to be strong and patient.. But maybe I am just having a off day.. I'm 6 months pregnant with my bf's child and sometimes this is just so terribly hard..

I feel so alone sometimes.. Then I say well I need to not focus on that right now and just do me.. I don't know I'm just having a off day today I guess, and just need some positive advice..

Thank You everyone!!

 

[Deadman]

I will assume from your title that your BF has PTSD. That said I find something very fishy about his behavior. Withdrawal, isolation, and emotional numbing are normal for guys with PTSD. Laughing with your buddies and ignoring your family might be part of that but it is a very slim might.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Ahem, you are expecting his child and he plays video games all the time? You are expecting his child and he only has fun with other people?

Ahem........

 

[Faith1234]

Yes he has PTSD.. Hes told me in the past that he was not sure if he wanted to be with me anymore.. and that he is emotionally numb.. But he literally will sit down there and play xbox all day from the time he gets up until the time he goes to bed, laughing and talking to his friends on xbox live.. I'm over here 6 months pregnant with his child and its like I don't even exist... It hurt's very bad!! But he says I haven't done anything.. So I'm over here totally confused.. Like as I sit here I hear him laughing with friends with his headphones on.. I'm not depending on him to make me happy.. I know hes got a lot of things going on.. But my question is how can he be so nice, talkative, and laughing with buddies. But I'm literally over getting nothing.. He will look at me in the morning " like he's making eye contact" but says nothing. I mean am I not allowed to have feelings.. yeah I'm going to therapy to help cope and to understand what he is going through.. but its like its doesn't matter what I do, I could clean the whole house and make dinner.. I feel like I mean nothing to this person.. He eats goes back down stairs, wakes up goes down stairs.. I'm totally lost.. I don't know I just figure I would get something.. Hi, Bye, Good morning, have a good day...
Only things he said to me the whole day today was... he walked up stairs to get him something to drink and stopped and said " why the hell you moving from couch to couch" and then laughed and went back down stairs..

 

[Killashandra]

Playing games online is escapism... so what is he escaping from...?

The trouble with gaming is it can be better than life, there is no realism, he can make his world the way he wants it. As does his online gaming buddies..

Saying that though, do you ever just sit next to him and watch? Get a book and stand watch and read and be in his presence? My husband makes comments to me all the time as I talk to the TV. . After I keep getting killed... he'll laugh at me and I can pause and laugh with him...

I can fully understand having a bender on the weekend where all you do is play games... personally I play games but not online... I do it to keep my brain active as I'm homebound most days and Sims is a great source of socializing without socializing. ..

My littlest brother could explain this better, he's been trapped in online gaming for near a decade and it has effected his social skills in the real world.

 

[Faith1234]

Ahem, you are expecting his child and he plays video games all the time? You are expecting his c...

Yes Freedomfighter
He says he plays video games on his days off cause he wants to relax.. In my mind ok.. I understand that, but why cant you compromise.. But at that point, I feel like I'm begging him if I ask.. I just don't know why I would have to ask for him to just take a little out of the day to just hang out for a bit, I feel like he would want to.. I feel like I'm nothing to this person, I feel like I'm carrying his child and a roommate that cooks meals, washes everybody's clothes and keeps the house clean. He sleeps on the couch and has been for 1.5 months now.. He says he doesn't want to give me mixed signals.. Cause he doesn't feel the same way towards me as I do for him. When I ask him, he says he's still processing everything and he's not sure what he wants right now, or that he feels pressured.. I over here saying in my head.. I'm pregnant with your child.. and your not sure if you want to be with me and is trying to process everything.. I feel like I am a pregnant puppet on a string I mean everything was fine.. going great.. Until I became pregnant in November. Ever since it has slowly declined. I mean the man is 39, always told me he wanted kids etc.. I don't know, I'm just hurt and confused.. Today must be just an off day for me.. But I have tried so hard since this whole thing started to help him, to understand, to give him space and time, but i feel like nothing I'm doing is helping and I get nothing in return.. Its just hard when your pregnant and feel like you mean nothing. But yet I never did anything so he says. I really try to keep myself busy and I do most of the time..

 

[Faith1234]

Playing games online is escapism... so what is he escaping from...?

The trouble with gaming is...

No I have never went down there and just sat next to him, he wears a head set and talks to people, plus if I ask him something he's short and doesn't even turn his head to look at me.. I seriously feel like I could come and go as I please and not say a word and he wouldn't care. I text him " hope you have a good day" after he has left for work I get nothing in return, his response if I ask him is that he was too busy at work, "in which he is not even at work yet at that time" . I have never felt like I meant so little to somebody that says I never did anything to them.
Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[Carmen J. Brown]

Yes he has PTSD.. Hes told me in the past that he was not sure if he wanted to be with me anymore.. a...

PTSD or not, the way your boyfriend has been treating you is unacceptable. You should tell him how you feel. Explain that even though you know that he has been through shit, a relationship goes both ways. Both people need to work at it and both need to be attentive to the others needs and from what you have said it sounds very one sided. Is your boyfriend the father material? Would you be proud to have a child who grew up to be exactly like him? (If not then you should think about what kind of people you want your kids to grow up to be and find a person like that) does your boyfriend have a job? Does he provide for you at all? Does he ever help with household chores? Does he ever listen to you when you need to talk? Is he aware of yours or your kids needs at all? (You don't have to answer all these questions I'm just throwing stuff out there to help you think about it)

 

[Deadman]

As a sufferer I have to say nobody deserves to be treated as if they don't exist. PTSD or no PTSD we all have to take responsibility for our actions. Ultimately you have to decide what is best for you and your child. What your SO decides is up to him.

 

[Carmen J. Brown]

No I have never went down there and just sat next to him, he wears a head set and talks to people, pl...

My dad does the exact same thing your boyfriend does.(my dad has aspergers) As soon as he gets home from work (he's in IT so he's on computers all day) he comes home and doesn't do anything but video games. He acts like it's the end of the world if someone asks him to do any small thing. He never helps around the house and I can't remember the last time he spent time with me or my brother. The only thing that matters to him are his video games. I will tell you that being one of two kids and him being the dad, has NOT been beneficial to me in any way. First: it taught me that it's okay for wives (and or kids) to be trampled on by their husbands and that the wives (and or kids) do everything and "submits" to the husband. Basically I learned that I'm supposed to be a personal slave to whoever I marry. It took me a while to unlearn all that shit . My brother learned that it's okay to do nothing all day and just play video games 24/7. And that when he gets married he won't have anything to do with his kids, who they become or anything because he will be too into video games. If you want your kids to grow up with a good example then is this the person you want your kids to follow? My dad is always and has always been emotionally unavailable. When he tries to discipleine us it doesn't work because we can't take him seriously because he doesn't do anything and hasn't done anything besides video games since we were in middle school.

 

[Faith1234]

Thank you all for your responses.. It made me look at things a lot..
Well.. Last night he came up from down stairs at about 1030pm and laid down on the couch to go to sleep. He didn't say anything I walked out of the bedroom he didn't say anything to me while I grabbed a glass of water. So I just went back in the bedroom and shut the door and went to sleep. I honestly don't get it.. He can talk to buddies down stairs all day long but says nothing to me..
I text him today and told him I wanted to go to his next VA therapy appointment and said please let me know the time and date when ever he finds out.
No response as of yet..
This all just felt wrong so I am glad you all enlightened me that.. The way I'm being treated is not ok..
I really appreciate all your guys help!!! :)

 

[Friday]

I'm someone who uses video games to isolate. It's an in between step between being active/present in my life & getting on an airplane and taking my ass several thousand mikes away from anyone/everyone I care about.

Healthy? Nope. HealthiER than walking away from my life for 6weeks to 6months? Yep. Absolutely.

I will say that my purer forms of isolation "work" a lot faster. So when I'm being smart I'm building small pieces of those (a weekend here, a week there, a summer camp for the kids here, etc.) into my daily life so Im still getting my isolation time without it having huge consequences on my life or the lives of those around me. But if it's gotten to the point that I'm fighting packing a bag and buying a one way ticket the hell out of here? Gaming helps to bridge the gap. Gives me at least the opportunity to still be in my life, even if only in small pieces. A good hour here. A good afternoon there. Ideal? Hell no. But better than the alternative.