Worried About Getting Attached To Therapist

[blackandwhite2017]

Hello World,

I am super worried that I will get attached to my therapist, as I can't see her forever and I don't want to need to see her forever. In fact, I plan on leaving my current country in 3 years, but hopefully my treatment finishes within 2 years. She is my first official therapist and I have been seeing her for 3 months. I remind myself every time to stay emotionally distant and professional and that I can't rely on her or anyone for my emotional well-being as I am a grown adult, and she can only help me along the way. I am super worried about possible transference as that would be totally embarrassing and I try my best to make sure I am not attached to her.

I wonder if anyone else is like me, and if this is healthy or not.

Thanks,
HelloWorld314

 

[blackandwhite2017]

Hello World,

Since the previous posts are gone due to the server problem, I will summarize the replies I have gotten (thanks for those who have replied btw, I don't remember who you are but I remember your words!): most people seem to think that an attachment with therapist is very important for healing and I should allow myself to go through all the dramas of the one sided attachment with the therapist.

However, I am doing CBT, and I have always thought the whole process is like attending problem solving seminars and I should finish my therapy in a year or so and that I don't need anything more than a professional relationship with my therapist in order to do the CBT exercises. My objectives for therapy are 1) anger management and aggression issues 2) depression + lack of motivation 3) learning to be assertive 4) learning to handle and express negative emotions properly 5) learning to be authentic around people to allow a genuine connection to develop. And those objectives do not seem to need me to attach to my therapist? I have always thought the majority of the work is outside of the therapy where I need to apply my skills learned. I am not exactly looking into reliving my traumas as I barely have flash backs and I think learning coping skills to deal with my life now is more important.

I am interested to know what types of therapy those of you who go into therapy for years do and what you think their effectiveness are in treating present problems.

Thanks,
HelloWorld314

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Welcome to the forum, HelloWorld!

Have you spoken with your therapist about this? It's a perfectly valid concern, and one that could interfere with your work if it's nagging at you during your sessions.

I've been doing emdr for the last couple of years. Unlike you, my flashbacks had gotten quite severe and I was unable to control my emotions without dissociating. I have a deep affection and respect for my therapist and I dread the thought of him not being in my life.

 

[watundah]

As one with abandonment issues, when I started therapy I thought it would be yet another time where I would get attached to someone and then they would eventually be gone, so why set myself up that way? But after working together for several years, it was unavoidable. I still think it is difficult for me but see how it is necessary for the relationship to grow to support the healing.

 

[The Albatross]

Seems to me you're giving preference (right not) to the habit/behavior of worry rather than accept your own rational thinking/fact based analysis. Why? I think you really did well to short circuit the anxiety/stress thing that so many people don't get here when you said, "I can't see her forever and I don't want to need to see her forever. In fact, I plan on leaving my current country in 3 years..."

Is it your habit or behavior to worry?

 

[blackandwhite2017]

Welcome to the forum, HelloWorld!

Have you spoken with your therapist about this? It's a perfectl...

I don't feel comfortable enough speaking about it with her. I think part of me is very ashamed that I need to depend on someone and that I subconsciously wish I can depend on someone. I have a serious problem exposing my weakness, as growing up I have always been expected to deal with everything on my own. I now force myself to reveal some truth of about me that I am reluctant to share with my therapist every session, but I am super scared that I will end up emotionally depending on my CBT therapist. We are not planning on going long term, and once I graduate from my computer science program in 3 years, I will probably find work in the states as the tech industry is better there.

 

[Ariadne]

I can totally relate to feeling ashamed about feeling needy. I usually also feel that and sometimes even allowing myself to feel some small amount of dependency needs with someone did result in negative consequences, so there's never a guarantee for a positive outcome. But it can be helpful to kind of "try on" feeling authentic and vulnerable in therapy where you know it's part of their training to provide that and relevant feedback to help us improve how we do connect to others.

Sometimes I have difficulty understanding what people mean when they are being subtle and I have to ask awkward questions. My current therapist knows about this already and one of our goals is looking into learning how to "read" subtler boundary clues. I doubt I could do that if I was still too afraid or ashamed to reveal my shame/vulnerability around attachment.

 

[blackandwhite2017]

Wow...this article sums up so well: (Google "Emotional Dependency in Psychotherapy After Psychotherapy")

"In fact, resistance to dependency is often one of the first issues that comes up in therapy: despite the large amount of pain they may be feeling, and a kind of desperate hopelessness that finally compels them to seek professional help, many clients don’t want to become dependent upon their therapist. They may hate feeling needy, often because childhood taught them that to be in such a vulnerable, needy state means you’ll get hurt.
For people who come from impoverished backgrounds, need equals frustration and disappointment. Need stirs up anxieties about being abandoned. Need makes you feel small and helpless, at the mercy of those who have what you need. Such people, as clients, may have little or no faith in the possibility that someone might actually be concerned about them, and want to give what is needed. The fact that they must pay for what they need makes the subject more complicated; they may believe that payment means there is no genuine concern involved on the part of the therapist.
"

This just sums me up!