General PTSD And Isolation

[Some1sAngel]

I just don't understand his behavior towards me. We had a great time together the last time we saw each other (we always have a great time together). It was great! without going into detail. He said we'd see each other again for sure. But it's been 2 months since we last saw each other.

I kept contact with him and he seemed ok for a while .. now, not so much. He's kept his messages short and I get the feeling he's isolating himself from me. He's behavior is not normal, he wasn't like this. He was attentive before and excited to see me always, so communicative. Now, it's the opposite. I feel dumb at times for trying to reach out to him, even scared that I'm bugging him. I was supposed to call him to set something up with him but I haven't because I'm getting this weird vibe, that he wants be alone right now.

I'm having a really hard time trying to understand his behavior. I think it's me he's not into anymore .. alot goes thru my mind. Why do sufferers do this ? Isolate ? Could this be what he's doing ?

 

[Tinyflame]

He just might feel bad about himself, and stressed out, unable to get himself back up.

I highly doubt that "you" are the "problem". I know the more I isolate, the harder it is not to.

Whatever you do, don't feel bad about yourself.
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Shoka]

Some1sangel,

First of all, let me say that I can hear that you are hurting, you are feeling insecure, and you are feeling a bit frustrated. All of those things are common responses to what you are experiencing. I'm sorry you are going through it. Most carers of people with PTSD do go through it.

It's probably not about you. You've really got to almost tell yourself that over and over again...Its' not about you. You need to understand that a common behavior of people with PTSD is isolation, and disconnection. You need to accept that fact if you are going to stay in the life of someone suffering from PTSD. You need to have other support in your life and other things to focus on that bring you happiness and peace in your life. If you can manage to do this, you will take alot of pressure off of him and off of yourself.

I've heard it here before on the forum in other posts. The truth may in fact be that sometimes when you are reaching out to him, you are actually causing him stress. Of course his behavior isn't normal- don't expect it to be, he has PTSD and there's nothing normal about it.

There are days he will be fine and there are days he will be despondant and in truth there's not pattern to it. It IS frustrating. You have to find a way to deal with the frustration in a healthy way without taking his isolation personally.

Take some time and read other posts on this topic. Read all of the old posts about the effects of PTSD on relationships. Educate yourself and then decided whether you can really stick it out.

Again, I am so sorry you are hurting.

Shoka

 

[Nicolette]

I think it's me he's not into anymore .. alot goes thru my mind.

As Anthony says when he projects...."It is all about you". Reality is it is all about them and please don't start going down the self blame path as you are really not doing yourself any favours.

I'm having a really hard time trying to understand his behavior.

Unfortunately you have to come to terms with that unless you suffer the illness you will never understand it; you can only learn how to deal with it if your suffer is willing to be in a relationship. Harsh I know, I am sorry but it's true.

The biggest mistakes I have made in my life are when I have not listened to my gut instincts. All you can do is go with what you feel and hope for the best.

Take care....PTSD is an ugly illness.

 

[Nicolette]

Clarification....a relationship is a two way street and people leave for reasons other than PTSD too. When talking here I am talking about someone suffering from uncontrolled PTSD and their illness reactions in a general sense based on my knowledge to date.

 

[vietnam2nd]

isolation is normal for someone with ptsd. i was in a lot of battles in june and july. so i tend to isolate. i need to force myself to go to my ptsd group. getting out with other veterens with the same problem is a big help. if i miss to many meetings they call and get me out of it. they understand anniversary days and they know for my own good i need to get out. i try to help others in my group when they have anniversary days. we understand each other and care for each other because we are fellow brothers and sisters in arms.

 

[Some1sAngel]

Worried.

I'm a bit worried at the moment. You see, my Marine has a routine of checking his Facebook on a daily basis no matter what. Whether he was at work on the base or off at war. He would always check it regardless. He has access to the web 24/7 thru his phone.

Well, all of a sudden he hasn't checked his page for 4 days straight. This to me, is not good. He never goes without checking it (and I mean never no matter how busy) which leads me to believe he's not doing well at the moment.

If I remember correctly, last year around this time, while at war his company lost someone, a buddy of his. I think he's dealing with that lose right now since it's been a year now. I don't know if I should see how he's doing or back off ... but it does worry me lots.

 

[Nicolette]

I know you are not going to like what I have to say but here goes.

If you know someone has PTSD and have just been discussing that he has been isolating why would it be so worrying that he hasn't checked his Facebook for 4 days? That is isolating!

Firstly, are you obsessing as you are obviously checking up on his activity and it doesn't sound like you are in a fully committed relationship at this point? Please correct me if I am wrong.

Secondly, if you were sick as dog in bed with the flu and didn't check your Facebook account and we knew you were ill should we worry?

Thirdly, if you know now is the time for a triggering event and know enough about PTSD you would expect nothing less than for him to isolate.

Really....you will end up giving yourself ulcers over a mental illness that just does not make sense.

 

[Some1sAngel]

I'm new to all of this. I'm just trying to make sense and understand what PTSD is and what it is doing to him. And yes, I worry .. because it's not easy realizing he's got this illness. And no one around me seems to understand it. And no, we aren't in a committed relationship because of his PTSD. But .. I care deeply for this man and I wish I could help him but I know that I can't. Perhaps, I'm childish for checking his Facebook but for now, that's all I have in order to know he's doing well, except for now which apparently he isn't.

 

[Nicolette]

Some1sAngel

I am really sorry for what you are going through. It is really hard when you do care for someone that much.

It is also really hard to convey emotion when writing so I know what I say comes across as very direct.

Problem is I have been where you are (granted the other person did not have PTSD) and I know how it feels to love someone and worry about them.
Few people will understand his illness and while you say it is not easy realizing he has it you really, for your own sake, must come to terms with this as you are not just dealing with a man. You are dealing with a man who has a mental illness far greater than you and I could imagine. They struggle to understand it so it is even harder for those on the outside.

It is important to remember that you can only help those who are willing to be helped and until they ask for your help or accept it you are only hurting yourself worrying.

 

[Some1sAngel]

I'm realizing that now. It's ALOT to take in. It's hard at times to accept it but I must come to terms with it like you said. It's hard to witness the changes in someone you care deeply about and feel useless when it comes to helping them out.

I will try to not worry. Although, it's easier said than done. I can't even begin to imagine how he feels. Even tho, sometimes .. it's so so-real .. I can't believe it. :wall:

 

[MissPlumDrop]

As a sufferer, I will tell you that my own symptoms wax and wane, and I have even noticed something new. Isolation. Before I reconnected with my boyfriend, which was a catalyst for remembering a lot of my past, I did not isolate. Now that I have faced new memories, I have begun to isolate more. I believe this is due to the fact that new memories have surfaced as well as the impact of all of my abuse really, really hitting home.

For me, when I look deep inside to how I really feel about being treated as an object and as a punching bag, I am affected much, much more profoundly than when I first came out of my last abusive relationship. At first, I partied, socialized, felt like I had the world by the tail as a newly single, big city gal in charge of her own life for the first time at the age of 40 years old.

Then, I reconnected with my current boyfriend (a boy from my childhood) last year and I began comparing the way I am treated now, as opposed to how I have been treated in the past and it hit me with startling clarity that in the past, I had been treated like a NOTHING, a THING. I had been treated like an object with no feelings and when you realize you have been a victim to THAT, it makes you not want to be around people because only people treat each other in this way and you want no part of them.