On Being Fat

[Deleted member 8714]

Switch to a good California Olive Oil or a Coconut oil when... making a salad dressing.

Guess what? You don't need oil for salad dressing. Try some yogurt mixed with apple cider vinegar add fresh or frozen fruit and blend. No added spices needed. Delicious!

 

[DharmaGirl]

Quoting myself - Anyway, the point of this is not just to rant, but to find out why others eat, if you don't mind sharing. Also, does anyone's therapist get it? My first one did, and I figured out that when I find other ways to self-sooth, I won't look to food. Now when I want to eat when I'm upset, I pick some other soothing thing to do. Does anyone have any other suggestions for releasing the habit of food to comfort?

Sorry for the bold, and I don't mean to insult anyone at all, but I was curious about the why of it. It seems that very few people understood what I meant. I lost weight in my late teens, and kept it off until I got pregnant with my son at age 36. I married an emotionally abusive man, and I kept the weight on. My question wasn't about diets, or even food, as Friday said, different things work for different people, and I know what works for me; I wanted to know if anyone else had issues with keeping the weight on because of trauma. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but I was really curious about this topic, and it seemed to derail right away and I could never get it back to where it was meant to be.

 

[DharmaGirl]

(the fast food thing & my body feeling safe enough to lose weight)

I hadn't even thought about the stress cup thing on top of the emotional stress. That makes so much sense to me. The first thing I do on a diet challenge is gain weight. I know it is water, since I will have 3+ pitting edema. Then I will become more emotionally stressed, filling my stress cup and triggering the cortisone. Another thought to journal about!

 

[Friday]

Does anyone have any other suggestions for releasing the habit of food to comfort?

Can you break down the individual feel-good components? When I'm switching coping mechanisms I usually have to look at the pieces, to find replacements.

Examples would be:
- Pressure from the inside out might (full stomach) might substitute well with pressure from the outside in (compression garments, weighted blankets, etc.);
- or it's an excuse to sit down because you're "doing something" & not giving yourself breaks unless you're doing something might substitute well with sit down tasks (rather than taking away your only relax-break, or working on learning to give yourself breaks without an excuse);
- or the act of chewing and swallowing is a rhythmic thing that helps regulate your breathing, might substitute well with singing or swimming;
- or if you eat in between activities giving your brain & stress levels time to shift gears so you're not becoming overwhelmed, might substitute well with deliberately taking 5 minutes in between activities;
- or on a similar bent, if eating is your "clock" (before breakfast I do this, then I do this other thing until I have a snack, then, then, then,) that allows you to keep the day broken into subsections? Might substitute well with "blocking time" &/or using a different activity as a clock that keeps your day in manageable pieces;
- or if taste &/or the heat&cold is grounding? Might sub well with scents, or flavored non-food items; or with hot showers, cold water over your wrists, or pocket heat packets;
- Et cetera.

Brainstorm absolutely everything you can think of that eating "does" for you, no matter how tangential, and look for other things that provide the same sort of benefit. If it's an unhealthy thing? (Like not allowing yourself breaks?) My suggestion is to substitute FIRST, then work on changing the lifestyle or core belief thing. Rather than trying to fight 2 battles.

 

[Abigail7]

I eat for comfort. I was raised to think that food was a reward for being "good". This belief has carried over into adulthood.

I say the following as beliefs I tell myself and as a way of answering the thread question so I ask that things not go off on tangent with people telling me my thoughts are wrong. I know they are.

(I believe that) guys hate fat chicks. If I'm fat, guys won't pay any attention to me, so I am safe. (I believe that) being fat is disgusting. No guy is going to want to have sex with me as a fat chick. (I don't think these things about other people, just myself. I'm only at war with myself.)

But see, this backfires. Today I my PT forced me to look at myself in the mirror. I actually thought I didn't look bad. My weight loss app says I'm on the edge of being severely obese. (Go figure, I'm still wearing non-plus size clothing....Ahhhh, vanity sizing!) My head is all messed up, I eat for safety, but crap, I'm not wretched looking yet?!? Must eat more! I just got home, bought food for one sweet binge.

My thoughts aren't uncommon. Ever watch My 600 pound life on TLC? I'd say that at least 75% of the women who are that heavy were sexually abused as children. Fat keeps you safe. Food makes you fat. Even the act of eating brings comfort. If I don't eat sugar or fat then my cravings go off the charts and I give in because if I don't then my anxiety will soon go off the charts.

 

[FireSign8]

I was eating & so were all of my "other" personalities. It's an MPD/DID side effect (this is how the mental health professionals explained it to me). I finally realized that I was just taking on too much negative energy from the outside world & not cleansing myself. Once I learned how to rid myself of negative energies, the "others" calmed down & I could start to think about getting my out of control eating habits in a better place for my extended stay on this Earth! I learned respect for all living things. This is when I discovered Paleo, then this website, & last night was introduced to Frank Austin Many Horses. He is a Tribal Elder with wisdom to share. Very helpful wisdom. I am passing it on. It has been kept in the shadows for far too long.

 

[mrsmegan]

I totally get it. I too have been trying to understand WHY food is such a comfort. Why does feeling full feel good? I think there is a comfort in that fullness for me - maybe equating to being wrapped in a blanket, or maybe the opposite of being empty?

I think there is also the pleasure of food. Everything else in my life feels scary. Everything feels uncertain - but food is certain. It is going to taste good. It always will.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Can you break down the individual feel-good components? When I'm switching coping mechanisms I usually have to look at the pieces, to find replacements.

I agree that you have to find replacement coping mechanisms. I use food to distract, fill my gaping emotional void, to shutdown what I don't want to hear in my head, and to slow the racing thoughts. I also use it as a tool to feel in control and go the opposite direction in not eating. A bit of a mess, but I'm working on brokering a peace here or at least trying to off-set the negative impact of my behaviors. I know I have to find replacement coping mechanisms, plus I need to get a handle on what's eating me, not really what I'm eating or not. ED (eating disorder) treatment 101, in other words.

As far as suggestions go, distractor tasks such as coloring, cleaning, getting out into nature, getting out of your environment and going for coffee or to the library, etc.. can help, but you will need to do the deeper work regarding what's behind your need to comfort yourself and figure out how to do that without food. I found a list of resources that might help you, but don't think I'm allowed to post a link. I need to go read that user manual! Anyway, it's at somethingfishy.org. On the left side of the page are selections to click on for more information. Click on Recovery Reachout, Recovery Toolbox and/or Ways to Cope. Kind of click around as there is a good deal of helpful information to reference. Please note, however, that this is not an active board and I wouldn't trust going onto the forum portion, but the archived information on the front page can be very helpful and is safe for viewing. There is a very supportive and helpful forum that is safe if you'd like to take a look, just let me know. Hope some of this helps. VB

 

[Gamera3000]

It helps to do something else fun instead of eat. Don't allow yourself to think about it. Get up and do something else enjoyable.
Taking a walk while listening to your favorite music is really helpful. Go get a manicure and/or pedicure. Take a drive to someplace interesting. Get a dog if you don't already have one- the dog will force you to take walks, bathe them, dress them up in silly outfits (lol). Volunteer. I cannot stress this last one enough. Go see some random sadsack people or animals who will be overjoyed with the hour or two of your company. You will feel so good helping them that you will quickly become addicted to helping, not think about eating. Volunteering helps with PTSD as well. I suggest you don't volunteer with anything that has to do with your trauma. The point is so that you get out of yourself and concentrate on the other person. It really is wonderful.

 

[DharmaGirl]

@Friday, you hit the nail on the head! Thank you for the suggestions, I will work on them today.

singing or swimming;

I used to sing and swim when I was thinner, the swimming made me thinner. I used to smoke, and I would forget to take breaks after I quit. I think that one is a big one for me. My son and ex-husband will both work for a half hour, then want a half hour break. It drives me nuts. I think it would really benefit my son and I to work out a break time when we are doing farming stuff, and set an alarm to start and stop the break.

The weighting blanket sounds good too. My service dog (retired) used to sleep in my bed and apply pressure after a nightmare. She weighs 160 lbs, so she was good at that.

I eat for safety,

Yes, me too. I was a victim of a pedophile ring when I was about 3 to 5, then my older brother started raping me, and I was raped as an adult three times? four? I'm so good at hiding things from myself. After I quit smoking and got pregnant I got fat. The doctor yelled at me for gaining weight, but I kept showing him my ankles and increased blood pressure. He said it was from the weight gain. I actually had pre-eclampsia, and on the 5th day of labor, I had a seizure that no one saw, and after I couldn't talk so I had eclapsia, which became HELLP syndrome. So in my poor addled mind, I was dying and killing my baby because I gained too much weight. There were 2 code teams in my room when I gave birth. The neonatal code team took my son before I could hold him and the doctor said I had to make it through the next 24 hours before I was not in danger of dying. All because I was too fat. I lost all the weight I had gained with the baby in a month. He was such an ass. My son has Cerebral Palsy now. Anyway, the point of this whole diatribe is that, "if I am fat, no one will want me so I will be safe from anything like what happened". My mom assured me when I was a teenager that no one would want me, since I was 10 lbs overweight so I really had no clue that I was in danger of being raped since no one wanted me.

My thoughts aren't uncommon.

No, they aren't. So many people are suffering from this, and prefer suffering being fat than being abused or raped.

Frank Austin Many Horses

Thank you for this. I have googled him and bookmarked it too read later.

I was eating & so were all of my "other" personalities.

This must be horrible! To no even know you are eating! I'm glad you were able to sort that out!

Why does feeling full feel good?

If it were only feeling good when I was full. I feel good when I'm stuffed! I just discovered feeling full (I'm 58), and it feels really good to feel just the right amount of full. I am not stuffed, but not wanting to eat either. I usually feel this way when I use mindfulness eating.

the deeper work regarding what's behind your need to comfort

Yes, totally true. I have a new therapist who talks a lot, goes away a lot and I don't think she has the ability to deal with my trauma. I guess I should find another. One with whom I feel safe to talk about trauma, who doesn't finish my sentences.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It helps to do something else fun instead of eat. Don't allow yourself to think about it. Get up and do something else enjoyable.

I don't understand why you think I don't. I have a cottage garden, two vegetable gardens, and I donate produce in the fall, an herb garden, pet chickens who's eggs I give to less fortunate people. I grow extra starts to help other disabled, poor people to grow their own food in pots. These things are a huge amount of physical work. I have two mastiffs, one who was my service dog, 2 cats, I sing in a choir, I visit with friends and neighbors. I don't even watch TV.

From your response, I feel as if you think fat people sit around doing nothing. I worked 12 hour shifts in the ER, when I was fatter than I am now. I don't look at others as "random sadsack people". It does nothing to enable them to help themselves or make their lives better, and can be a stroke of bad luck for them to end up that way. If I didn't have severe cPTSD, I might get out more, and if I weren't completely disabled, I might walk more. It is a huge problem that people assume fat people are sitting around eating, so therefore they are fat.

I hope I am wrong, and simply misread your post, and you didn't assume I sit around all the time. If so, I apologize in advance.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Yes, totally true. I have a new therapist who talks a lot, goes away a lot and I don't think she has the ability to deal with my trauma. I guess I should find another. One with whom I feel safe to talk about trauma, who doesn't finish my sentences.

Have been there with a therapist or three. You sound like you are on the right track in seeking the help you need and working very hard to get to a healthier place. Good insights about the therapist and knowing your needs! :tup: