Can't figure out why i can't acknowledge good qualities

[EveHarrington]

Just got a notification this one is being moved, but fittingly enough it relates to my current issue so I'm glad it's back on my radar. I think it fits into why I push everyone away.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think it fits into why I push everyone away.

I do as well. From just what I know of you anyway.

 

[EveHarrington]

It seems impossible to break!

I can't think of anything remotely NOT horrible without feeling selfish and stuck up and conceited.

This is how I see things. I feel that if I say there are good things about me, I'm just being a phony, a fraud, a fake, and a liar. I'm bad at lying. And even if I could get away with the lie for a little bit, I'd be found out sooner or later and people would just kick me out of their life for lying.

I don't feel like I can win either way.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

This is how I see things. I feel that if I say there are good things about me, I'm just being a phony, a fraud, a fake, and a liar

I know that feeling well! My therapist started saying what he saw as attributes about me and the first thing he said is "you are very intelligent" and I had a straight up arguement with him about it.

I had to sit with it. Think about it. Mull it over. Research it and just really, I don't know, turn it over and over in my head. Talking about it on here helped a lot as many others were saying this. And I not only don't see myself as intelligent but I couldn't even see slightly smart nor could I see past stupid.

So it took a lot. For one. But eventually I started to see past history, what I had done up to now to support that I was smart and then sort of compare that to what others said on here. So, now, though I cannot seem to say I am "intelligent", I can say that I am smart. Dispite being called stupid all my life, I am not. I had to learn that most dyslexics (I am dyslexic) are mostly artistic and very smart people. That was like mind blowing to see that on each research I had pulled up. What? It's possible I am not a complete idiot? What? No way! Seriously! It was like that freaky to me. And it also felt snooty. It still does a bit but I can see it now. I can also say that I am a smart person without feeling all wigged out. But, it did take a while.

So, like everything else, take one item at a time. Poll others. What do others see in you that you don't see. Poll on here and/or and those around you that know you best. Then take one item at a time and do what you need to, to work on seeing it. When it starts to come clear to you, move on to the next and then the next and so forth.

My therapist gave 3 to me about 4 or so months ago and I have two down. Still working on the 3rd. So, its a process like all other things. That was my process anyway.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I can't figure out why I can't acknowledge good qualities. I mean I know I don't think I have any...

I'm new to this site and the discussion of feelings. Your ability to share yourself with others like this is inspiring and is part of what made me seek help for myself.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm new to this site and the discussion of feelings. Your ability to share yourself with others like this...

Thanks.

I think I'm one of the most "stuck" people here though!

 

[Heather]

I've had similar feelings for most of my life. I always used to think I was really stupid. My cousins would call me stupid and make fun of me. I hated high school and only reason I graduated was because my guidance counselor signed the paperwork.

It wasn't until I got into college that one of my professors gave me a "B". I couldn't believe I got a B. Then she said something that really impacted me. She said, " from what I've seen of your work/writing, you can accomplish anything ".

It was life changing. I know I'm smart and capable. And when I want to get something done...I do it.

That's one aspect I've accomplished but I still say to myself that I have no friends and everyone hates me.

I just thought I'd share my experience Eve. You have one more person who knows how you feel.

Hugs