Although this site isn't the same as 3-D life...it really mimics so many of the same dynamics that happen in real-life peer support groups.
I remember the first time I was in a group, as part of as partial hospitalization program. For some reason there was another person there that I connected with - I think it was a combination of our ages being similar, and we had similar reasons for being there. All the connection meant was that I had someone to sit with at lunch. I've never been quite the talker, but we did share aspects of our experiences that we had in common, and those were things I'd not talked to anyone besides my therapist about, and probably never would talk about with anyone - except for someone who could understand because they'd been there themselves.
That's the power inside of peer support. Even if reactions are different, finding someone with a common experience can be a profoundly connective thing. We end up thinking of these people as friends - even though we may only know them for a very short while.
in a sense, they are friends...but I think it's more accurate to understand that they are peers. People who are like you, who are here to find other peers as well. Sure, we open up about our personal lives as well, but it's often in the context (still) of whatever our mental health struggles are.
And, just like in a 3-D world peer support setting - people come and people go. The person I connected with in the hospital program had started before me - and so, they graduated before I did. I was surprised how upset I was. I did understand that people would come and go, but it somehow didn't diminish the peer-to-peer bonding I had felt. It was painful anyways.
My point is:
@TexCat, what you are experiencing is part of the totally natural ebb and flow of relationships that form in a peer support group. People disappear for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes they might tell you - and sometimes, one day they just don't come back. Sometimes they leave because they are moving on. Sometimes they are taking a break. Sometimes they are getting too agitated by the healthy, yet emotionally challenging, sharing of stories and experiences.
MyPTSD - Reading Forum Increases Symptoms is a good read, if you've not seen it yet.
And even what you are going through now is a good and useful part of peer support. Because of this:
for whatever irrational reason, it seems this has brought out my
Shame,
Guilt and helplessness. Before I read her good bye I had had a day of feeling almost normal, happy and strong. And this "break up" destroyed that in an instant which also reminded me that my trauma/
PTSD is never going to go away.
Not sure how to pull out of these emotions.
You are identifying something very important - that you are having an emotional response, not a reasonable one. Reasonable, meaning, that there is some reasoning (thinking) going into it as well.
Nothing was actually destroyed. You weren't feeling normal and happy and strong because of this other person - you were feeling that way because things were starting to make sense to you. Yes, the person may have been the delivery device - but YOU are the one who processed the information. YOU are the one who was feeling better.
The sense that the rug has been yanked is just that - it's only a sense, it's not reality. The reaction is rooted in some past experiences, most likely, and it's purely based in emotional reasoning. Feelings are not facts.
Leaping from a good day, to a person very nicely saying they are stepping away, to believing that you are permanently, forever going to suffer...can you see how those are emotional leaps?
So, how do you pull up out of them? Some of it is talking about it, like you are doing here. Some of it is making sure you really take on-board those re-frames you got from the chatroom, the ideas in this thread about who really did what, what really happened, and the very nature of peer support, which is by definition, transitory and without obligation. Peers come, peers go. Peers may not be able to write back for weeks and weeks. You will be that person too, at some point. We all have to recognize that about one another, and not expect that these connections last forever. Some go on quite a long time. Some turn into friendships, beyond the subjects that are why we are really here. Some are only a few days long. All are valuable. And the person who is doing the work isn't them....it's you. Look at your growth, and move forward with that.
